Leaving Paradise - It's hard

Monday 30th April

Steve's birthday, and the longest day of our holiday so far beckons - literally.  We leave Vomo at 4.30pm, catch a flight at 10.20pm then arrive in LA at 2.20pm the same day!  Matthew wakes us all up at 5.50am, so at least we make the most of the day (though a little lie in would have been nice Matthew).  I take him down to the beach, as we do most mornings before breakfast.  Its easier as he can be noisy and none of the other guests can hear him.

The beach is once again lovely.  I enjoy watching the sardines jump out of the water (maybe 200 or more in the early morning).  The black heron type bird waits patiently on the edge, plucking a sardine as it jumps in the air trying to escape the large fish chasing it.  Other sardines end up on the sand, jumping right out of the sea.  They  topple and flip and roll themselves back in, pleased that the heron is busy eating another of them.  I could watch that sight every day all day, its spectacular.

We get reef sharks in the area.  There are little groups of them it seems, with very small dorsal fins sticking out of the water.  I think they around around 3 feet long, but these must be smaller I reckon.  They come in very close to the beach, though not close enough to see from the edge.  Steve tried to kayak out to look at them but the tide was too low at the time.  Steve saw a much larger shark when he was out fishing, though this was some way out to sea.  I think the reef is a natural barrier against the big sharks on Vomo.

We make the most of our last day on Vomo.  Steve plays with Matthew, they feed the fish bread once more, go kayaking, and generally have a good time.  I wander around the resort, taking a few pictures, talking to some guests and talking to the staff.  We pack the bags reluctantly.  Me and Steve are quite miserable I would say, and this rubs off onto Matthew I think.  Lunch time is a disaster as Matthew is tired, and playing up.  We boycott lunch when the main course arrives, Matthew is just too boystrous.  We should have put them with the baby sitter for our last meal - but never mind.  I think Matthew is able to sense things are about to change, and that I am quite sad at leaving.

We give Matthew's woven hat away to Moses, it makes me cry as I hand it to him.  I know that Matthew will never be 2 again on Vomo, and the little hat so lovingly crafted seems to signify a lot to me.  Matthew loves it on Vomo, and it is an ideal place for a little boy to live.  But we have to accept this is just a holiday resort, and we need to move on.  Its very hard.

I think I am sad as I know that if we return to Vomo things will never be the same.  Lloyd will be older, Matthew will be older.  And the resort has just got new management so I suspect Vomo will change too.  There is talk of more bures, new restaurants - its all about to expand.  I hope they dont lose the intimacy of the place.

The staff all turn out to sing the farewell song.  I find it hard to stand there, Matthew in my arms.  Matthew is very upset, hugging me tight.  He is definitely picking up on my mood.  I have my glasses on, avoiding eye contact with the staff as its too distressing.  I know it seems weird but in a short space of 7 days these people have become my friends.  I enjoy their company, enjoy hearing about their lives, and hearing them laugh.  I have many of their email addresses, hopefully I will stay in touch.  Though it is never the same if you arent living with people.  A couple said they plan to come to england soon, I offer them lodging if they do.

I think perhaps I have become a little lonely whilst travelling.  I need my friends around me, Steve is wonderful, but I need female conversation. He is off on another planet (mars) most of the time, thinking of fishing or some other man thing. I think of babies and children, and holiday plans, and how to make our life better in the future.  It is hard travelling with someone for 4 months, especially when you have 2 kids in tow to provide a little stress.  If we were on our own we would be much closer, and also we would spend more time together, rather than splitting up to each take care of a child.  We get frustrated we cant do things we want to do, and sometimes take this out on each other.  Its natural I think, but at least we are able to quickly make up and move on.  It could be much worse, and under the circumstances I think we do okay.  But I still miss my friends....  

I dont think I am a very emotional person really, though obviously I must be.  I have lots of tears in the farewell song, I really dont want to leave.  I feel like I am ripping the kids away from paradise, taking them to hell!  I know that is crazy, it is just how I feel.  Matthew will never get the friendliness from people he has had here.  They call him over, tickle him, play with him, and all just because they enjoy it.  That is something not seen in england.

Waiting for the helicopter seems to take ages.  Now I want to leave as we stand on an empty field.  Just to go so I can recollect my thoughts, and move on.  Eventually it arrives, we jump in and look back with a longing to return soon.

Matthew loves the helicopter ride, as do we all.  Lloyd was asleep most of the time, waking near the end and crying .  Its weird watching a baby cry but not hearing it.  You know they are crying though, their facial expression is a giveaway.  So once again I am breastfeeding in public.  But it quietens him down, so isnt so bad.  The helicopter flight involves a visit to another island to pick up a couple.  Its fun as makes the ride longer.  They have more bags than us, many more.  The pilot thanks us for packing so sensibly.  He doesnt realise we have half of england back at left luggage!

Our time at the airport passes fairly uneventfully.  The plane is delayed until 11pm.  The staff at the airport are absolutely fantastic, in complete contrast to Auckland.  They move us out of the queue, and change the seats to a bassinet without me even asking (once again the booking didnt have it marked though).  They dont query our baggage, putting it all through without incidence.  Though this time I know we are on a piece system so it is packed accordingly.  Brilliant staff at Nadi airport, they deserve much praise.  Even the customs desk is friendly, saying Bula to Matthew and commenting on Lloyd.  And they help us clear the x-ray, our simplest exit from a country yet.

Lloyd and Matthew both fall asleep during the wait for the plane.  When we get on the plane they go asleep again, Lloyd waking a couple of times for food, but Matthew sleeping through the night.  Its good as allows me to sleep.  Steve watches a bond movie, so he is happy.  We have 5 seats in total, and a bassinet.  So space to move around.  I think it annoys others, they dont realise we have paid for 4 seats.  But we havent asked for 5, thats just how the airline does it.  They know that nobody will want to sit next to us for 10 hours, Matthew would be jumping all over them!!

So thats that, Vomo is now but a memory.  Its hard but we have to move on in our minds, and look to enjoy ourselves  in America.  Otherwise there is no point going there.  Funningly, it seems Fiji has had a bigger impact on us after just 10 days than New Zealand in 60 days.  There are aspects of our lifestyle on Vomo that I will be looking to try to replicate in some way in england.  Steve is already talking eagerly of getting a boat, whereas before it was me talking of it.  And we would like to ensure Matthew has room to play in the mornings outside.  And play on the beach, where he is free to explore and discover the delights of nature.  I think this is possible in england, but will certainly be a different experience to that in Fiji.