Drive on right, US dollar, many English speakers, cheap

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I know you'll think im nuts here but Cambodia kicks ass! From the second I got off the plane, I was treated like royalty by everyone I met, even those that were not getting my money and knew it.  Seng, (he deserves a whole blog entry alone), was called by Sydney Angkor, the hotel I made a last minute reservation at in Siem Reap, Cambodia met me at the airport, with my name on a sign. 

We shot around town in his small wagon/scooter hooked to a pull cart, just like the ones in Bangkok (Tuk Tuk).  To the hotel and checked in... I thought I would wander a few streets and take a gander at this place that I had no clue about.  Instead, halfway down the stairs I saw Seng sitting, waiting to take me to the town.  He was always smiling, a jolly 35 y.o. guy no taller than 5'6" and about a buck twenty. He asked me what my desires were; "you want drink, maybe see ladies, or find one for boom boom?" How about something with a bit of all 3 I said. His English was purdy good and we laughed for a bit while we zoomed at 25 miles an hour, if that.  We found his bar, dancers but not naked...but still sleazy somehow.  He said for $5 they will come sit with us and be our friends....sure Seng.  So the night was spent dancing to techno of some sort and dodging hookers on/near the stage. Plenty of laughs, songs, dancing and drinks later Seng asked if I wanted something else....how about hotel so I can friggin sleep? 2am calls it quits for my first night in Cambo.

Early in the morning I decide to get a fresh breakfast and find an ATM cuz they take USD here! Oh and let me add that there are no stop lights or traffic signs...sort of a controlled chaos if that makes any sense...I would not drive here...reminds me of Paris.  Who needs to anyway when you have a Seng...so walking back from the ATM who pulls up beeping and laughing?  How the hell did you find me Seng?  Apparently he asked the hotel and they said I went bank hunting....so he cruised the streets for the sore thumb. This was just the beginning of his homing device that saved my ass all day, everyday.

If you are ever in Cambo, contact him, jacket number 4303, Seng.  He was my personal guide from wake til 2am if I wanted.  He literally held my arm/hand and got me across the Frogger streets, through the swanky clubs and markets and knew the history and order of sights that must be seen. How much money is this guy going to demand for this world class service? I asked and all he could say with a grin, was "whatever you think", complete with a shoulder shrug and the start of his 100cc Honda trike conversion. Other Seattlites I met, ironically two of the very few Americans I saw at all here...said they paid their guy $20 and Seng, of course with me at dinner with them..said that was good; for Cambos earn only $3000/year. I knew at that time that Seng was getting atleast $100...by the end of my trip here we had gone over 200miles easily. I even tried to get him to let me rewire his lights. After breakfast I was dropped off at the 900 year old ruins of Angkor Wat (Temple city enclosed in a huge square of stone walls, walkways, lilly laden pools of water-dried up now); many temples were created here, all of them out of huge blocks of sand stone and carved with the most intricate designs...please see my sick photos. After a few hours I left and walked around the huge park like setting on yet another blistering day, probably 93 degrees....my driver finds me as if I am wearing a foil shirt. "More temple?" On to Bayon temple, another facinating example of dedication, architecture and preservation.  From here we went to the floating village. An hour or so ride down a dirt, pot hole hell one laner to a large muddy lake; a redefining of poverty via naked children, anorexic cows and dogs...bamboo homes on stilts, some with a generator, most without.  A clunker of a long tail boat took me to the floating village in the middle of this lake.  Where the poverty got even more alarming. Families of five were crunched in 20 foot or less bobbing buckets. Cooking, cleaning on the transom, small floating gardens strung together nearby...then the tourist gathering...a 3 story flat  in the middle with a bar, croc farm and fish hatchery.  Around the barge were lots of beggers, 7 year old girls wearing living pythons begged for a dollar...whilst leaving we almost ran over a 5 year old in a plastic bucket, with a single paddle and the saddest face ever.  I bought some trinkets and we putted back to the "harbor"...Seng rescued me and back over the gut jarring path we strolled...the faint sunset still creeping over the only mountain I have seen. 

As if that was not enough, a quick shower and we were on the Tourist road, aka Pub Street.  As I glided along the shops, bars and pharmacies, a girl ran up...she said "Seattle"? Amazed I joined her and her pal to talk about what all 3 of us had just experienced today.  Seng...surprised? Joined us.  Later on we left and went to our favorite evening joint. The dancing was even crazier...the night was even longer.  The morning was even slower and the day was even hotter. 

Let's see...first thing in the morning I was at the war museum; full of Russian tanks, armored cars, all sorts of artillary and the guide, a man(soldier) with one leg, mine ball bearings in his leg, arm and neck, 0.6 eyes and a sense of humor showed me around.  I followed his footsteps exactly as I strained to read the description of the landmine he was about to touch...he laughed and said not to worry...yeah dude like trusting a bald hairdresser or Parkinsons inflicted brain surgeon.

Then before I could tap out, Seng was already driving me to an all day event that played every night.  A place called the Cambodian Cultural Village...a gigantic Disneyland, a recreation of the 14 different villages/peoples of ancient Cambo.  It was beautifully landscaped and interesting.  We got there 3 hours too early and so we hid in the shade taking turns buying 1500ml water for a buck a shot. Perhaps humorous to you, I was a bit hung over today and nature was calling...and not the behind a tree kind either...the bathroom, well lets just say I could not figure out what the "toilet" was or how to work it, let alone how to sit or hover over it...and the leaves I would have to use for toilet paper also said "hold it for 8 more hours mister"... Showing off our cell phones to each other and trying to milk a few more pics out of my dying camera battery.  Finally when I thought he would have to drag me to the hotel, it was 2:30 and the first show was to begin....each village had a 30 minute dance/play to give you an idea of the people/customs and day to day.  From human Peacock dancers to Chinese dragons, catboys chasing fishhead ladies...indian warriors, umbrella twirling oh and the judgement tunnel where gore was the key, like a depiction of Hell...what torture for each sin.  And a ghost who boo'd at the end...sending everyone scattering.

Somewhere in the middle of the 10 or so acts was one called Fiance Choosing.  This was a funny act about 3 guys woeing the town girl to try and prove their worthiness as a husband and she was supposed to choose between them.  Each one danced, fought, touched, flirted, and snuck in to her home, only to get beat, smacked, Muay Thai'd and discarded off the side of her bamboo home.  Then when I thought it was over, one of the men came to me, pulled me behind the stage/wall and said (while the crowd of 500+ cheered and laughed and my heartbeat tripled as did the sweating.  Spontaneous acting may not be my greatest ability; however Im in Cambodia who the @#$% cares?  So they told me to take off shirt, remove shorts and put on a few patches of fabric, traditional beads, head band, you kow the typical Fiance choosing fashion of the day.  Out I jumped from the discreet changing quarters to a standing and cheering crowd of people everywhere but from the US. Holy shit was probably all I could think, what am I doing here!!! Trying to remember the dance they just showed me one time, I was grabbed by the beautiful bride and we danced/slid/walk/fell around the 3 losers and the chief of the town who apperently didnt like white meat.  After some kneeling, praying, walking, more dancing, sweating and laughing I was to go to her house with her where I of course, did not get beat up, instead I waved goodbye to the losers, winked at the crowd, bowed to my new wife and climbing the shoddy stairs to her bungelow at Neverland Ranch.  Afterwards I was shaking with laughter and my new fame.  The rest of the day everyone looked at me knowing this little stunt and Seng felt like my manager.  It was absolutely grand and made my day, my trip. 

At 9pm the large show began which was Vegas in proportion, 50 dancers a story I worked hard to understand and a few mosquito attacks that left me touching, scratching and freaking out about disease.

So back to the hotel I was exhausted but demanded we go to pub street for a pizza to celebrate my new career (they even asked me to do the next show but I wanted to relish in my success and fact that nothing special fell out of the cloth wraps around my..parts. The last night was easy going and I found my pizza...Quattro Fromaggi. Delicious. (the Cambo food scared me, left me thinking of mucoid plaques and intestinal worms).

5 year old girls run around, coming into the restaurants with roaming dogs and cats trying to sell roses.  I couldnt help but buy a few...thousand  I was in good spirits. What the hell am I gonna do with em...Now everyone asks if they are for my girlfriend(s)....I tell them not yet.  Actually I wanted to make a few random women smile and be surprised just as I was granted this fine day...so the first gal was this shy gal running a bookstore I was in, she dropped her food and fork with embarrassment as I tried to say "for you please" in Cambo. The second gal was the 15 year old barkeep at the Banana Leaf. She blushed and ran to put it in the fridge.  I felt great, Karma was doing its sfine circle for me. The last rose was saved for the cook who made my breakfast...it was almost dead by the time she got it but she still was pleasantly surprised. 

Did I mention how funny the sex solicitation was?  "Sir you wan someting special?, you looking for boom boom? How about a nice girlfriend for you sir? "No need"...thank you (Ah-Cone)

So that was Cambodia.  Actually I am still sitting in Siem Reap awaiting my flight which has been delayed 3 times and surely I will miss my connect to Phuket, I am in the biz lounge writing for our enjoyment (please help me get a job as a traveling journalist, I love this and could be easily persuaded to do it with good ol Pau Hana as my chaffeur, perhaps Seng will crew.

One more factoid that amazed me was a boy named Mok, 15 he was....started to try and sell me something but we ended up talking for an hour at Angkor Wat.  He was telling me about the US, our population, states, history....he'd never been but it made me laugh at how ignorant we are of the rest of the world and how the importance of cultural experience is nonexistant in our system.  And for Americans I met during Cambo, told me how brave it was for me to come alone. I tell them how brave everyone else is to stay in the same town all their life.

PS an American found me later in the evening and said he took pics of my dance/marriage and would email to me...I love it!!

Pics of Cambodia trip and its 14 million people will come later when I find a faster connection. Word.

UPDATE: They are loaded! It took 2 hours.