Drinking with the locals

So the plan was: We leave Hulong Bay, where the weather was sunny and warm, and head south along the coast where we hoped the weather was sunny and warm.

Transportation was easy. We could board a train in Hanoi at 11pmone day and wake up in our desination the next morning. We had arranged soft-sleeper births for the four of us and we were all set. We bought snacks and beverages (both beer and soda) and we were ready for our evening ride to Hoi an. A small, but popular costal town with a nice beach and plenty of tailors to make any cloths that you might want.

Troy and I decided that we would toss back a few to make sleeping with the rocking motion of the train easier. The ladies took the other route of heading to bed early and trying to get as much sleep as possible. Troy and I searched and searched for another cabin that would be into having beer with us and being social. No takers. After making the long trek to the dinning car to search out some more lively people (mind you,walking 9 train cars while in motion is not an easy task). We found it as dead as the rest of the train.

We made our way to our car and decided that a quite evening of cards while the ladies slept was our best option. We played for an hour or two and then climed into bed anticipating our arrival in Hue the next morning. 

We awoke the next morning to the train sitting still. We were not Hue, we had no idea where we were and it was raining cats and dogs outside. By cats and dogs, I mean that it made a rainstorm in Portland look like a sprinkle.

We sat in our cabin for another hour and then another and still the train did not move. We heard through the kindness of a tour group that happened to be in the same car, and had a contact in Hue, that Hue was underwater. By underwater, I mean that there were no visible train tracks at the station and some parts of the city were under 5 feet of water. There was no information about how long we would have to stay there (before the water would subside) or if we were going to be turned around. We were 20 miles from town. So, we sat and waited. After another hour or so, Carrie and I decided to make our way to the dinning car to see what there was to eat. After walking the 9 cars (much easier when the train is standing still) we discovered that most of the option for food were no longer available.

So we are on this train going no where with no food and no idea what is going to happen next. About this time the guide who gave us the informaiton before had an update for us. His loacal guide in Hue was sending out a bus to pick up the passengers in the group. BUT, he had no idea if the bus could get out of Hue or how long it would take. Troy and I decided that now was good time to go get some more beer because we could be here a really long time. The train had been stopped by a smal village and finding a store to sell us beer was not a problem. Finding out how much it was going to cost was the hard part. After a good game of we don't speak Vietnamse and you don't speak english, we came to the understanding that the 24 pack beer was going to cost about $5 cash. I love the small village life. We did manage to get a few snacks too. So we felt sure that we would survive until the floods went away.

Back on the train the rain did not let up, our guide-friend informs us that his bus was able to get through and that they were sending additionale buses for any body who wanted them. A bus arrived and it looked as though there would be room for the 4 of us to at least get us to Hue. We had decision to make. Stay on the train with no idea of how long we would be sitting. Pay the additional $8 a person, get on the bus and cut bait, OR, we could alway start building an ark and gathering animals.

Seeing as we only had a case of beer, a few snacks and no real indication that we would ever reach our destination by train (couple with the fact that this was "dump" train. Which means that when you use the toilet, it gets dumped on the ground beneath the train). We decided to take the bus, get to Hue and figure it out from there. We boarded the bus and found some seats. Some how I always seem to sit next to a very chatty guy with nothing really to talk about. The kind of guy that has something to say about everything no matter how obscure. At least I knew I would not be bored.

It took about an hour to get Hue and we got to know the guys on the bus pretty well. It was full of us foreigners and we were all in the same boat. No idea where we were going to stay how we will get out of Hue or when the rain was going to stop. But at least we had each other.

We pull into Hue using nothing but back roads and were heading for the tourist area around 6 pm. We crossed a river that was as high as bridge itself. Moving through water that was at least 2 feet deep. When a group of locals standing in street knee-deep in water, start waving at the bus and informing us that that the water is neck deep further up road. About 5 feet deep. Our driver turns the bus around and we head for a hotel that Troy spotted a short ways back. The hotel was not bad and enough rooms for the whole bus. We all get checked in, showered, watch a little local news where the top story is the typhoon that hit the coast and the rescue efforts going on in Hue and our final destination Hoi an where the water reached the 9 foot mark in town, and we headed out for some dinner.

All the guys from the bus and Troy were able to find some cheap, plastic ponchos we looked like a band of rainbow elves walking down the street. Since we were not in the tourist area, the choices for dinning were slim. We finally settled on a Bia Hoi. A local drinking establishment that serves cheap home brewed beer and food. You sit in child size plastic chairs around child size tables and they bring you beer until you say "no more".

This is where it get interesting...

To set up the situation: we are with 2 Australians. A father/son combo that were super friendly and very outgoing. Two rugby players from England (uh oh) and 2 other travelers from England. For that Americans, we have Troy, Carrie and myself representing. Carrie being the only female in the group. We have all been on a train for over 14 hours, 6 hours sitting still and have just made a water crossing by bus to get a town that we have no idea if we will ever get out.

And then they served us beer...

The owner of the establishment we overjoyed. He was about to make more money in one night than he would probably make in a month and he and his family were ready for it. They brought the beer out by the 12 pack and just let us grab what we wanted. We played a great game of we don't speak Vietnamese and you don't speak English, but we were able to order some "meat" dishes for dinner. They were excellent as all unidentified meat dishes are. The nearest we could tell it was beef. So we left it at that.

After a short while the Father form Australia (we'll call him the Instigator from now on) we trying to speak to 4 locals that were sharing the room with us and drink rice wine. Soon the Instigator is sitting at the table with the locals and is taking shots with them. Not to be outdone by dad, his son Tony sits down at the locals table for his shot. With every shot that the foreigners take, the locals let out a big cheer. Which in turn, brings the rugby players in to the game. Once they are in, they start dropping comments about the Americans should come and join in. To which I stupidly say "we'll not only sit in, we'll keep up" I was speaking on behalf of Troy and myself. But shortly after Troy and I have downed our 3rd shot each, Carrie grabs a seat takes her turn at the rice wine. This sends the locals (and everybody else) into a big cheer.

No body was watching the Instigator though. He was up to no good. He was standing with the owner by some large jars filled with liquid and dead animals. It looked kind of like a mad scientist lab. You had big cobras in one jar, a dead bird in another and some white funky looking thing in another. It turns out that this is no science experiment, this was the Top-Shelf section of the bar. These were animals soaking in rice wine. The locals call it Vietnamese Viagra..

Well, as we watched in horror, the bar-keep dips a shot glass into the "snake wine"and hands it to the instigator. Who quickly downs it.  Everyone in the room knew what was coming next. Before you could say "this is a really bad idea" the rest of the group is standing in lines waiting for their shot. Soon we had all had a shot of Snake Wine and it was time to sample the next. This turned out to be dead bird wine. Again, like the lemmings we are, we had all ha shot of dead bird wine and were back sitting at the locals table drinking rice wine and beer. Singing happy birthday to one local.

Once we were feeling safe again, the Instigator took the 3rd and final step in the evenings turning point. He took a shot of the "white glob" wine. Well, to put this bluntly, this was actually dead buffalo fetus wine. Evening in my drunken/making bad decisions state, I could not bring myself to this level. Nor could most of the group. Instigator was on his own and was now the "king" of the daring. A title he was welcome to.

So here we sit, 12 full size westerners sitting around a kids table in tiny chairs. We have all had too much top shelf to drink and we are having a great time with the 4 local men and bar keep. The locals buy another bottle of the plain rice wine and refuse when we offer to pay our share. We are their guests and they are very happy that we are there with them.

As we struggle with the Vietnamese / English conversation, we discover that our hosts are actually school teachers and have to work in the morning. We had to laugh at the idea that they were as drunk as we were and they had to be up early to teach for the whole day. I asked how they were going to accomplish such a feat. My friend leans into me and says "coffee". "Ohhhhhh" I say. He asks if I would like to join  him for coffee in the morning. I say sure, as long as there are no dead animals floating in it. He says we should meet at 8:30am and I agree. These guys should not suffer alone. (I should mention that they were teaching college age kids so that you don't worry about the youth of Vietnam)

Shortly after I agree, my friend leans over and says in broken English "Your wife very beautiful. You are very lucky man". I agree and we embrace in a hug. Affection among males is very common in the Asian countries. Affection between men and women is not common and my friend has a great case of the drunk I love yous..

My Friend (we'll call him Superman for now since that is what he first said his name was) So, superman is sitting between Carrie and I and is going back and forth between telling me how luck I was and telling Carrie how beautiful she was and how happy he was to be there with us. He was a very sweet man and this did not feel creepy at any point. He was just happy that we treated with respect. He was so happy in fact that he gave Carrie a gift, his hat. And if fit Carrie (which is hard to do) and looked really good on her. We said thank you. (Carrie still wears the hat.)

At that point, Carrie was ready for bed. So, I said that I would walk her home and be back. I walked her back tot the hotel and was on my way to the bar when all of sudden, I see what look like colorful, drunken gnomes walking up the street. The bar keep had to go to bed and so the group paid the bill and was on their back to the hotel in rain when I came upon them. The locals were walking with them and they were all singing English Drinking songs as they came up the street. It was quite the sight.

We stopped in front of the hotel and Superman asked me again if I wanted to meet for coffee and I agreed. So the drunken gnomes and the locals all hugged each other good night and locals continued up the street singing songs and staggering back and forth as they went.

The drunken gnomes headed for the lobby. Before the first person reached the stairs, some one noticed a case of beer by the reception desk. We asked if we could still buy beer,which we could, and we sat with the hotel staff in the lobby and had one last beer (the staff joined us) before bed.

After the beer, I bid the gnomes a good night and see you in the morning. They asked me if I was really getting up for coffee. Yes I was.

I came into our room to find Carrie in bed watching one of the few "girlie" movies we own. I set the alarm clock for 7:45am and realize that it is only 11:30pm. Coffee at 8? no problemo..

I awoke at 7:45 and needless to say, I was still drunk. Carrie tells me I am on my own with the locals as I head out of the room. As I sit in the lobby I realize that everyone else is skipping coffee and I am the only one out of bed. 8am comes and goes and no locals. I wait until 8:15 and realize that they are a no show as well and I find myself heading back to the room for more sleep. Slightly disappointed, but happy that I was the only one to drink the night before and still keep my word to be up by 8.