Back to reality? Well almost!

Hi folks and welcome to what will be the last of my rants about our travels. Yes that’s right, the last one! How will you cope without my mails clogging up your inbox?  I dare say most of you ignore them anyway and several people I have spoken with confess to only having looked at the pictures. So why is this the last blog? Its because we are coming home shortly, not down to the fact that people don’t read them. More on this in just a moment.

So we left you last time having just arrived in Malaysia. We stayed at my uncles place for several days which was a chance to relax after the constant moving around of the past few weeks. My mother was also in the country, she had flown out for a family wedding and our plan was to meet with her afterwards and tour the country for a bit. Firstly we had to get ourselves some transport. I was quite excited when my uncle said “don’t hire a car, take one of mine”. I could just see ourselves claiming to backpacking around the world driving a Ferrari or a Bently. Having seen the way the locals drove however I was keen to make sure the necessary insurance was in place before we took responsibility. Unfortunately it was not to be as the insurance would have been a pain in the backside to arrange so we ended up with a crappy little gold Proton hired from some backstreet garage. Never mind, no one was going to nick one of these.

The tour of Malaysia basically consisted of one golden sand beach after another, huts on the beach, jellyfish, diving, snorkelling, cheap beer – you get the drift I’m sure. Emma, as expected, was having problems with the local cuisine but otherwise all was going well. It was a good job that we did have a cheap hire car however as some idiot managed to crash into the front of our Proton while weaving through the traffic. What’s more he didn’t even stop so we ended up chasing him down the road going as fast as our little 1.5L engine would allow with 3 people and loads of luggage. We finally caught up with him and forced him to pull over. At first he claimed not to speak any English but he soon recognised the word ‘Police’ and suddenly remembered he could. Basically we held him hostage at the roadside until he gave us all the details we needed.

We spent 4 weeks in Malaysia before heading up to Thailand. Mum had gone home now so it was just Emma and I again. Our first destination was Phuket. For anyone who has never been its like Benidorm in Spain, basically full of lager swilling chavs and prostitutes. There is something strange about some of the local girls however, if you observe closely they have huge hands and very deep voices. Must be something in the water! For a few days however it was good fun, we awoke each morning with a hangover, one night we got so drunk Emma started eating deep fried crickets. We also witnessed a ping pong show, not the type they show on Sky Sports (think Thai). I must admit we were both a little disappointed with it but surprised at some of the items that would randomly appear out of …well…you know. Live birds, turtles, razor blades! All in a days work I guess.

Now I know you have all had a crappy winter back home, record rain falls, cold temperatures, snow etc, so I’m sure you can sympathise with us when we tell you we’d had enough of the hot weather and tropical beaches. ‘Yes I know, they all the same after a while’ I can hear you all agree. So this is kind of what happened, one day we were eating breakfast and itching one of the many mosquito bites we had when one of us mentioned it would nice to have a change of scenery and not be eaten to death. “We could go skiing” said the other! And that was that. The next day we were booked on a flight to Hong Kong were we would transfer back to London.

I’m not going to go into a very long story about the stress we had on route from Phuket to Hong Kong. Lets just say that British Airways (and just about every other airline in the world come to think of it) are a complete bunch of £*^&$. If I had my way I would bring Hitler back from the dead, put ALL airline staff in a room and tell him they were Jews. Not that condone what Hitler did of course but I could teach him a thing or two about torture and murder if I got my hands on them. Enough, calm down, calm down!

So anyway, one day we were on a beach in Thailand and the next we were back home. Only for two days however, just enough to pick up our ski and snowboard equipment, buy some new sofas, a motorbike, catch up with some friends and get into a dispute with the tenants who rented our house.

I’d love to say the reason for our change in scenery was entirely down to boredom of beaches but we also returned home to check on our house. The tenants who rented our place stitched us up, they were supposed to sign for twelve months but only signed six. They moved in late and been nothing but a pain in the backside. I wonder if they work for British Airways? It’s a good job we were home shortly after they vacated the property though, a number of items were broken and the place is filthy. They claim not to have broken anything and also claim they cleaned it before they left. Seriously, the woman doesn’t know what a bottle of bleach looks like. The current dispute of course is over the return of their deposit. The man of the house is playing ‘Billy Big Spuds’ and threatening to involve lawyers etc. After nine months of living stress free this is what I have to come back to.

So we are currently in France. Val D’Isere to be exact. We are here for the next four weeks and I’m teaching Emma how to snowboard. After just one day she can make some basic turns and is doing very well. We rented an apartment that sleeps four people so if anyone wants to come for a few days then feel free.

At the end of the four weeks that’s it, we have to return to normality, we have to get jobs and pay taxes. Nine months has gone very fast but it also feels like we have been away for ages as no two days are the same. It’s going to feel strange to be back home but I’m looking forward to certain things. Seeing friends and family of course, having our cat back, sleeping in our own bed, soft toilet paper and not constantly calculating how much things are worth with exchange rates.

So how can I summarise this trip? It’s difficult. We have seen some fabulous sights and met some great people along the way. A certain times its stressful, yes I know it’s a jolly around the world but it’s very different from your two week organised holiday. Being just the two of us for most of the time is also very tough, I know many people who were doubtful we would last this long without killing each other. Don’t get me wrong, at times we were very tempted. Now it’s going to feel very strange for us to spend any considerable time apart. I predicted in my first travel blog that this trip would make us stronger both individually and as a couple, that much is certainly true.

The tasks that you are faced with every day whilst travelling don’t seem much in everyday life but are essential to your survival. Things like laundry, food shopping, medical attention, personal safety, internet access, directions, language and money, I know I took these for granted before and probably will do again. You can’t do this when you are away. Interaction and social skills are also improved, sometimes you may not talk to anyone else socially for weeks unless you make the effort. Organisation, compromise and flexibility and also things you have to improve.

One thing I have learnt whilst being away is just how good things are in the UK. Yes I know we are currently in a recession but we are still fortunate. Very fortunate. Don’t ever complain about the price of a beer because somewhere around the world, the price of that beer will feed an entire family for several days, think yourself lucky you can afford one. We have basic sanitation, running water and live with a roof above our heads. We don’t have to resort to sending our children out at night times to beg for food and we can always get medical attention if needed. I know we spent a lot of time in civilised areas but when you see real poverty and dire situations it makes you appreciate what you have.

So this is the end, well almost! We still have several weeks of snowboarding left to go and we plan to make the most of it. We look forward to seeing you all when we get back. If you find yourself surprised by our sudden arrival on your doorstep then you should have read the blog!