In which we play on beaches, all get the shits and dance with JoJo dancers.

We arrive in Koi Samui after a long bus journey (10 hours) and a long wait (1.30 hours) for a long boat journey (well about 2 hours so not that long but the rest of it was REALLY long!) So we start this island being very tired. The bus was overnight and for some reason was showing the most violent film I have ever seen. I assume it was called something like 'beating the fucking shit out of all the cunting people'. I use that language cos the film used that language.

Straight away we go down and look at our beach which was nice but the beaches are going to get so much better further south. We eat and I have possibly the nicest beef thai green curry I have ever had. We pass out very easily. The day after we walk for 3 hours to the main beach which was very attractive! And playing in the warm sea is also very fun. And beach swings are also very fun! Everything there was very fun! Our room also was right on the beach! We saw rocks which were shaped like a penis and a vagina. Thats not just me being crude they are clearly shown on the map and is an attraction!? So as you can image, us being English boys, we loved it.

Thai girls actually do love English men. And they don't want to be paid. (I haven't done anything) but all the girls love to wave and beep on their scooters. I imagine when Pavey gets here his ego will inflate massively (more so). We get called (in a thai accent) Sexy Maaaaaan. However some of them do want to be paid I imagine and also some them are men. So I think I'll just steer clear. I'm not sure who Geminie cricket is (I assume Gemma) but a ping pong show is where you watch a girl shoot ping pong balls out of her vagina (sorry mum) But we didn't go to that because the places offering us looked like we may get beaten up and mugged on the way out. Its a sort of shame. But I imagine the actual show would be minging.

We got 95bhat (about 1pound50) rum for the evening and drunk that on the balcony. Then we went into town where all the local girls run around grabbing mens arses and chatting to you and generally having fun. Jojo bars are bassically bars where the girls are dancing around you and on the bars whilst you drink. They are great. Again its good to keep your wits about you but it does make you feel like you are a film star. I flexed an arm (as did Greg) and they cheered and whooped. That is stupid because both me and greg have very little muscle and must have looked pathetic in reality. We met a group of guys who all seemed alright except one who was continuosly trying to justify to me him sleeping with a prostitute. I didn't care but wished he would shut up. I saw and stroked the cutest monkey I have ever stroked. It was amazing, he is my friend. Also I held a big snake. But to be honest the snake looked drugged and unhappy.

Me and Luke stayed out til half 5 this morning and then we got on a boat to Koh Toah. about 12. Thats where I am now. That is where the next entry will be about.

I forgot to mention in Bangkok we saw a dragon (which obviously wasn't a dragon) but it looked alot like one in the park in centre of town. It was big! (There were loads of them it turned out) Oh yeah in Bankok also I ordered something off the menu which I neither understood or could read and it was the most disguting plate of crap I could imagine. 7 orange steamed balls of crap. I still don't know what it was.

Right I'm off.

tim x