tarzan camp - day one

so.... our first leech. it was a truly terrific moment. we had just arrived at our home-to-be for the next few days, fairly wet from sweating our way up the path out of town and, to be honest, a little bedraggled from the rain which had been coming down, we were taking a seat and i was unlacing my boots when i spotted just the slightest bit of movement. i watched a little longer and yes, it was indeed a leech doing its horrifying little shuffle towards me, having emerged from the undergrowth or darkness nearby. a truly grotesque little critter he would stand up, stretching for the sky and sway toward me, clearly sniffing out which was going to be the nicest meal out of myself and mary.... i was under no doubt that, from a greedy leech's perspective, it'd have to be me. so i pointed him out to mary, letting her see what she had to look out for in days to come, then stomped on the horrible wee thing. i must admit i did feel a bit unpleasant doing it but, you know, it's like when you don't spray the wasp with killing spray because, for some reason, you woke up smelling of daisies and decided to be nice to everyone. right at that moment, you'll feel great about your kind act. ten minutes later when he stings you repeatedly in the eye and you have to go to hospital, possibly becoming blind before they can help you and suffering intense agony for fifteen years, three months and twenty two days after the event, you have to think to yourself, shouldn't i just have got him when i had the chance? well, that was my reasoning. i hope it doesn't offend too much.

leech-free, we set up camp, had cold showers and headed straight back into town to get some food... understandably, we were a touch peckish after the long journey. the night passed successfully, with neither of us falling into the river at any point and no more leeches attacking us yet - the good fortune was that the heat of the day seemed to dry off the land quickly so it was only out in the more remote parts of town that they were much of a problem. on the way home i was swinging the torch across our path, checking for tigers, when i spotted some light moving through the brush on the ground. i turned off my torch, looked across and definitely saw it again, so i carefully moved closer and found, to my delight, furry glow in the dark caterpillars. so soon before christmas i did half expect some angry parent to come running out to grab them, having been testing out his latest gadget-gift for some snotty-nosed teenager, but instead there was just the incessant blaring of cicadas, crickets of some sort and the gentle crawling of (what we had now spotted was) a fairly significant number of glow in the dark bugs. there were also fireflies - another first for me, but something i really hope to see again. i couldn't tell if they actually do burn because i never got close enough to tell, but they're mighty pretty and, apart from leading us right off the path because we were so mesmerised, they didn't seem to be too harmful. possibly radioactive though. never can tell these days...

the following morning we set out in search of the jungle canopy walk - supposedly quite an attraction. after a quick breakfast of spicy rice (we were quite late and all the usual breakie food had gone already) we took the troll toll across the river to the entrance to the national park. this was an interesting setup - you had to take one of the (many) ferry boats across the river from the main village in order to access any of the walks or the parkland proper. this, for something like ten ringit each. or maybe two - i really can't remember. anyway, not much. but very alike to a troll. we did wonder also at the fact that the big fancy hotel conmplex got to set up camp on the opposite side of the river, actually within the main reserve. seemed a bit of a planning blunder to us, but hilariously, they had a very captive market on all of the drinking tourists - the main town is dry, so if you want a drink, you go across the river. however, it comes at a premium. i can't remember what it was weighing in at, but it was going to have to be a very special beer to make it worthwhile.... worst of all, lots of people just back from a walk would order them blind, only to find they hadn't the money to fit the bill! all in all, a slightly miserable configuration for the grainlovers.

our walk into the jungle was without a map, for the last one had just been given to a couple who'd managed to get out of bed before eleven o'clock. well, that was fair enough. we figured it'd be easy enough to follow the signs to it and, short of being attacked by wild boar, we'd be as likely as anybody else to make the trip in one piece. the walk was, indeed, well sign posted and we did, as it turned out, make it round in one piece. but we also got the joy of meeting some wild boar too, and the one in particular seemed to find us easily as interesting as we found it. it was the noise that came across first - the big loud snorts. mary denied hearing them so sharply that i almost suspected they'd originated from her, but then the rustling started and it did, in truth, feel like we were surrounded. we weren't, of course, but it's so much more exciting when you're there. finally, a snout popped out and, bold as day, a nice big boar came sauntering into the middle of the path and approached us. thank goodness it didn't have tusks - for that one reason we were fairly content to be sniffed at and, actually, it was a lovely creature. we exchanged pleasantries, admired the weather, complimented one another in various ways and then, apparently tiring of such busy social exchanges, the boar turned and began to wander off into the bush on the other side of the path. we took that as our cue to leave, and carried on our way.

apart from the boar (and some more leeches, of course) we made it to the canopy with relative ease. mary DID spot an entirely new species of animal (she claimed) and christened it the "birdmouse". anyone wishing to guess why can send answers to me on the back of a postcard. the winner will be among the first to hear mary's revelations on the matter when we return. for all others amongst you, it was blatantly a chaffinch, or something of the sort. whatever. the CANOPY was immense. you go up through an access tower and pop out in the trees, having by this point had it explained to you numerous times that you must remain AT LEAST 5 metres apart whilst on the walkway (10 metres at some points) or else the whole thing might collapse entirely. with the first tentative steps onto it i understood why they had said this. the walkway was narrow - as wide as my two feet side by side (almost) and had netting coming up on either side of you. it swayed easily, bounced easily, creaked constantly and thrilled immensely. it was amazing fun, the only downside being that we didn't actually see any wildlife at all, having scared the surrounding population off with our shrieks, screams and laughter. no great loss, i figured i could just photoshop a tiger into some of my pictures anyway.

back in reality we descended from the walkway, meandered back through the jungle to the main hotel area and grabbed a cold drink or two. there we observed some westerners getting completely trashed on cocktails. that, i must say, was financial suicide being committed right in front of us. we could see the gleam in the barman's eye and we felt obliged to warn these poor tourists but, alas, there was nothing we could do - they scoffed three cocktails in the time it took for us to eat and we knew they'd be gone pretty soon! considering our options for the afternoon we decided the bat cave could wait for the next day and opted instead to visit a nearby natural swimming pool. along the way we found somewhere for mary to hire some anti-leech boots for the bat-cave trek but, alas, we didn't pick 'em up as we were walking along. consequently, further down the road, we had to turn back. after passing an abandoned pump station for the hotel complex - truly abandoned, and apparently handed over to a population of voracious monster-ants who terrified us away - we came upon the swimming area. it was the river. admittedly it was a more peaceful loop, but it was equally swarming with mosquitoes, skimmers, some very dodgy looking fish and goodness knew how many leeches. we sat and appreciated the view until we started to itch, then we bashed on. following an unsigned route always holds a certain allure and even more so in this completely disproportionate jungle - everything seemed impossibly big, from the bugs to the leaves to the trees themselves. and so, when we found the steps, i suppose it was only to be expected that they were huge. however, this brings into play two factors which instantly turned us back. firstly - you become face to face with what you would, on a less steep incline, merely be stepping on blindly. this was, in the present case, leeches (in their droves, all stood up tall and wiggling at us), more of the monster ants, millipedes and a number of unidentified crawling objects. mary still had on sandals. we turned tail and bolted.

whilst she picked up some boots in the wee hut on the fringe of the jungle, i tried to snap a nice monitor lizard that had just come out of its hidey hole and was chomping some ants on a tree stump. at the sight of me, it bolted up the tree stump and then just sat there, for which i'm immensely grateful - it made the shot much easier to take. bundling ourselves onto the next toll troll we went back to our little hut in the jungle and tried to map out our route for the next day. only about 4 km there and the same on the way back. can't be too hard, we reckoned. if we head off early, we'll be able to do another walk, maybe even two. yes, well.... we were full of hope that night. nobody could have guessed at just how wrong we'd been in thinking that way. well, somebody who'd done it could have, i guess. and a guide would. maybe just someone with common sense. i dunno. we couldn't, anyway. so there. read on in the next exciting edition of little and large on tour. once it's been written. which isn't yet. but some time it will be. and i probably won't come back to change this bit. so it won't make sense. so depending on when you read this, ignore it. that covers all bases i think. good night.