How to Visit the Salar de Uyuni for Nothing (Almost)

Worth his weight in salt.
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1) First consult the all-knowing guide book-  El Bible, if you will-for information and inspiration.  It doesn´t take much to motivate a trip to the Salar de Uyuni, the largest salt flat in the world, and surely one of the most bizarre landscapes, spectalar.  See that it is one of the ¨Must Do¨ attractions for all of South America, complete with color photo.  By gosh, we better go.

2) Arrive in Uyuni-charming in a sort of drery military outpost sort of way. Notice that the all-knowing guide book seems incapable of recommending a tour agency with which to visit the Salar.  They all just must be so good.

Wanted, Mechanics in Bolivia

I think he´s trying to dance...
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3) Decide to take the advise of 2 girls in Potosi  who had pretty picture and go with the 3 day trip with ¨Oasis tours¨. After all,  we´re in a desert, and doesn´t the saying go: ¨when in a desert, find an oasis.¨

4) Celebrate your decision withe pizza, beer and a good night´s sleep.

5) Assemble a team.  Preferably minimal on fellow Americans, maximal on non-Spanish, non-English speaking Asians, and most importantly a friendly  multi-lingual Italian.  Climb in your 4x4 vechile, all smiles.  And hit the road.

It just goes on and on and on...
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6) Wow, the road´s pretty bumpy.

7) Reach the Salar, drive on the Salar.  Oohh, awhh. Let the beautiful bizarre scene distract you from the fact that the car is switching off, say, every  50 seconds.  And that you are driving on a crust of salt on the top of a very large body of water.  Oohh, awh.  Snap another photo.

8) Back on the road, try to digest the mush they called lunch.  On the 34th time the driver opens the hood decide that the car ¨no funciona.¨

Italy, American and Korea
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9) Return to town.  Realize that you paid $25 more per person than your Asian friends for a car that doesn´t go.  Conduct a superb argument in Spanish and get $50 back.

10)  You just got $50  back.  You´re happy, right?  You don´t mind that we´re sending you out again in the same car, do you?  We took it away for a few minutes so you can believe we fixed it, right? Here, just in case here´s a new driver. Yes, it was the driver just turning the car off every 30 seconds.  Here´s a new one.  And a new cook too.  The cook was surely to blame for the car troubles.  Okay.  Bien, Bien. Listen to the woman in the pink hat lie through the teeth she doesn´t have. Buen viaje!

If its not running we might as well enjoy the scenery
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11)  Load in, almost all smiles.  Hit the road.  Wait, the same car still doesn´t work? Stand on the side of the road, stick your nose under the hood.  Return back to Uyuni for the second time and nurse your team´s moral with a bar of chocolate.

12) Good news, the new driver says, The Green Car is coming back.  We´ll start anew tomorrow with The Green Car.  The Green Car is fast, strong,  unstoppable.  Yes, yes, the cook nods, The Green Car.

Ooh! awh!
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13)  Up, up its 5 AM.  We must go, we must make up the time lost yesterday. Today we have The Green Car.  We´ll fly.

14) Load in, some smiles, lots of yawns.

15) Let yourself believe for 45 minutes that The Green Car is a different story.

16)  At 46 minutes realize that it is the same story.  For and hour and a half push The Unstoppable Green Car down the road. Watch the cook pour gasoline all over the engine to try and get it running.

Sleep tight.
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17) Climb in, all smiles again at the absolute absurdity of the situation.

18) Go back to Uyuni for the third time in a broken vechile.  Insist on getting your money back.  Walk away with almost all of you crisp American dollars back in your pocket.

19) Sit down to an Italian-Japonese-Korean-American breakfast.

20) Buy a train ticket straight to Argentina.

Are we in Argentina yet?
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-Cass