You know you're in Rio when ....

Walking to Copacabana
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You know you're in Rio when ....

1.  Your sense of smell gets cocked up....

You know you're in Rio when ....

Let me explain. As soon as you find the way to the Arrivals area of the Rio International Airport, some acrid smell hits you fair bang between the eyes.  Hmm... Only that I know what it is, am I slightly relieved. Whomever said that ethanol-driven cars emit a"sweet" smell all over the city?  Hey all that Brazillian sugar has to go somewhere, right?  Gricey, that wasn't you was it?  Coz this smell is anything but sweet, well according to my nose anyway!  Perhaps in a few days it will grow on me and it will start to smell like flowers or something.  Jeez I hope so.  Coz in the meantime it smells like a silent but deadly vindaloo fart. Which, you could tolerate I suppose if you had good vindaloo.  But when 15,000,000+ Caroicans have been eating vindaloo the night before, well, you kinda get my drift. I'll keep you posted on that one!  But seriously, if we decide to up the ante as far as that's concerned in Aus, I think we'll have to mix it with lavender oil or even patchouli...  somethin, anything to take the ethanol odour away!

Some of locals ...
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2.  Your sense of direction becomes mob-like....

Before 12 noon, all locals walk in the one direction.  I hadn't worked out what this was about until discovering the location of the beach.  No duh!  So just like ants running along a stem, they flock to the beach in the morning, and then sometime after 4:00 all flock the other way on their way home. Hint: Never get in the way of a Cariocan and their beach!

3.  English .... forget it!

Ever been to a place where you feel absolutely stupid? English is not on the radar here. (Probably for good reason!) The bit of Spanish I've learned is not cutting it here in Portugese-speaking Brazil!  Let me illustrate by way of example. I went into a Drugo (that~s drug store, but more on that later). Anyway I tried to ask for a phone card, gesticulating a phone with little finger on lips and thumb on ear. "Telephon." So the guy behind the counter looked at me blankly, then escorted me to the back of the store.  Paydirt, I thought. Then he ripped off a bit of paper and wrote down the phone number of the drug store.  Hmmm... forget it, right!

More locals :)
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4.  You feel bloody ugly ....

As if feeling stupid isnt bad enough, but here comes the ugly bit and its a tough call. People, this is NOT a rumour!  All Cariochans are bloody gorgeous!  How can that be?  Fat ones, skinny ones, old ones, short ones, tall ones, men, women, kids and dogs.. the whole bang lot of them are just beautiful, if I can say that with a straight face.  Wall to wall eye candy!! They~re so vibrant, strong and healthy, so putting them beside a lilly-white gringo like me its pretty hard not to feel oddly out of place.  Now when I hit the beach yesterday, rest assured I did not bare my ass, egads the entire 2 million bronzed beach-worshipping gods would have fled in shock and horror!

Beach to beach people ... I reckon at least 2 million there yesterday ...
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It feels weird to be the whitest person in this city. I~m sure that's why I catch people staring at me. So all my blending strategies,the dying of my hair, dressing down ...ehh... counts for practically nothing when I freakin glow in the sunlight. Now I have a new strategy for this.  I'm heading out to buy some tanning bronzer stuff very shortly.  That I go the colour of over-ripe papaya is of no consequence. At least I'll blend a bit better!  But they're so confident and so proud of their bodies, us girls could learn a thing or two about maintanence from these Brazillian chicks for sure! But that's for another (girls only) blog! Next ... Hey Deanna, what's Portugese for cottage cheese?   AHH bugger it.  I'll go the whole hog... is liposuction in Portugese the same as it is in English?

Yup .. wall to wall beach gods!
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5.  The nasty nasty insomnia ...

Ok, the timezones really mess with your head in this part of the world.  Being exactly 12 hours difference means that at about 11:00 at night, you're wide awake and ready to party.  But only thing is you've been out all dang day!  Noooo can do. Freakin body clock! So next thing I'm off to buy this morning are some decent sleeping pills. But I~m prepared this time.  Had the conceirge of the motel write down in Portugese what sleeping pills are. So this time I'm ready for em!!  Perhaps I better not get the ones I had in Aus. Stillnox or somethin, they've been linked to quite significant sleep walking and sleep eating episodes.  Jeez I could party all night long, get home and not even know I've been out!!  All the while being asleep. Wonder if it works like that? Will let you know how I fare on that one, will probably end up with something that has me climbing walls or something.  Coz for those of you who aren~t aware, you can get any medication at the drugo .... (somethin, forget how to spell it)  .. all without scripts.  This ouughta be fun eh?  Seriously tho, the timezone insomnia thingy is a real beeatch, coz its not the regular mongrel insomnia, this one really bites.