Day 28: Binasco

We let Billy sleep through breakfast while we went into the Gardaland buffet which was full of families fueling up on CocoPops and croissants before they head to the theme park. Greeting us were the Gardaland characters in costume at 9.00am. Think Mickey Mouse, Goofy and co and then change them into a big crocodile, skunk and you have the right idea. Billy would have run away!

Packed up the room and swam until noon, we headed of to Milan. Despite being confident of our navigating Italian cities, Milan had no real attractions for us and the traffic was dreadful .We endeavored to find a hotel but quotes of E$330. Will bumper parked the Peugeot near a Macca’s, and we re-planned the afternoon to visit a monastery and stay at Portofino.

women who are so brown they look crunchy, totter along in sky-high espadrilles

Finding the monastery was easy but we where informed by two Melbourne girls it was closed! We decided to find a hotel nearby and visit it next morning. The closest town doesn’t mean you can actually find a hotel or get out of the town without doing a few laps. Seeing people swimming in muddy rivers or our expecting a hotel with swimming pool despite it getting late, we headed on to Binasco. Binasco signs everywhere should have a hotel to our liking, but we should have had concerns when the sign lead to a one laned road with an escort being a quad bike flying along! We ended up in the middle of some crops and thoughts of the Bermuda Triangle, or Wolf Creek if you’ve seen that movie.

All roads from our exit out of there on seemed to lead to Binasco…at least three hours and petrol stop and we still hadn’t managed to avoid Binasco. Scrub the monastery off our itinerary!. We needed a hotel and it was getting late so off we head to Portofino

The road to Portofino was hilly but appeared our salvation. Now we had some time to make up as it was getting dark. Prior to Portofino, we climbed along the cliffs overlooking spectacular ports and resorts of the rich and famous. Billy fell asleep in the backseat as we cruised the wealthy streets and nightlife filled with very tanned people looking like Mick Jagger in ironed linen clothing, women who are so brown they look crunchy, totter along in sky-high espadrilles and loads of gold jewelry! It is important to note that fashion in Italy has got a very broad-spectrum from classy to ultra-tacky. Lycra can be stretched to the max and leopard skin prints enhance the effect whatever it’s challenged with.

At this stage we are now doing the sniff test on all our clothing and anything that is border-line gets a cake of hotel soap into it to save it for another 24 hours. Billy stays in togs and washes in chlorine. His sisters will have no trouble teaching him to swim.

Now it’s back to Genoa having discovered that the Italian Rivera does not have accommodation for under Aust$200-1000 and that doesn’t include parking @ $24 and a sun bed on a rock beach for $13 each or a crap breakfast at $14 each. Genoa we didn’t get ripped off. Kimmy did her usual bolt into the hotel with a dignified “have you a room” spiel without looking totally maniacal. The guy didn’t speak English so he showed Kim the room which was huge and clean, and couldn’t quote a price in English so Kimmy told him we’d pay $70!!! He agreed. He probably got the sack next day!!

Tool of the Day

See above, or Will clipping the side mirror going through a tunnel @ 11.45pm!