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Surfers At A Glance
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We finally made it to ‘Surfers Paradise’, the land of bronze, hard bodied men, bleach blond, faked breasted women, and endless ‘Sky Scrapers’ and ‘Amusement Parks’ on the beach. A city that does not at all depict Australia, but not a bad place to spend some time soaking up the sun and shopping!

Definitely did not get off to a great start! Having forgotten that it was ‘Easter Weekend’, we phoned at least 20 places and finally booked ourselves into the only motel we could find. Turned out to be quite comfortable really if you overlooked the orange shag carpet, with its endless supply of buried treasures in it’s depths. Flip flops became a necessity! But there were white fluffy towels- towels that I could wrap my body and hair in. My quick drying travel towel became obsolete as "I enjoyed one of the smallest of luxuries" that I had taken for granted.

Can you see why I want to kill myself?
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There really wasn’t much that ‘Surfers’ had to offer. Not really a place that I would want to spend a lot of time in, since I am past the age where amusement parks and haunted houses amuse me. Not to mention, the overpopulation of ‘metro sexual men.’ You know the type- the kind of men that spends more time getting ready than you- blond highlights, pink and lavender skin tight, V-neck t shirts, and Dior sunglasses. Not to mention, man bags( not the good kind), skinny jeans and diamond belt buckles. These men were everywhere! It left me and Trina a little nauseated to say the least. Where were the real men? The kind of man that can pick you up, and toss you over their shoulders. Obviously not here! Would not at all fit into the image...

Ruffie Anyone?
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First on the agenda- ‘The Beach’! Having traveled all this way, it was time for us girls to spend some time on the sand, soaking up the rays. Mom lasted about 15 minutes before we had to send her into the shade, with a hat, a bottle of water and her book. Having fake tanned before arrival, we thought she would be ok, even with the sun screen we lathered on her. "But being as fair skinned as she is she did not stand a chance." Any longer and I think we would have had to carry her off the beach and admit her for degree burns and heat stroke! But being the good daughters that we are, "We would wave to her occasionally to her sanctuary in the shade..."

Isn't this Australia?
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Now Trina, what can I say about Trina? Completely obsessed about coming home with a tan she decided to for go the sun screen all together..... 2 hours later regretting her decision when her face, chest and forehead began to show her first signs of sunburn. Not to mention the fact that she was experiencing hot flashes and chills simultaneously. We ended up having to spend a quiet night in while she spent time recuperating. But, 2 days later, she was as hot as ever, when it turned into the tan she wanted.

Rockin Out
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Now finally something for mom that I know she would enjoy....THE SHOPPING! Endless amounts of shopping. The kind of shopping that made the seams of her luggage rip and her already full suitcases over capacitated. Me and Trina had no choice... We followed her around... We helped pick out souvenirs, gifts and opals and faked interest. Everyone back home can expect some really great gifts, but if I had to spend more time in any of these shops I may have gone a bit crazy. I couldn’t take it, the stuffed kangaroos, the key chains, the boomerangs....It was too much... It felt like the kangaroos had eyes...They were watching me and....Plotting...(Don’t make me add it to the list of things I hate!)

After Trina had recuperated, we headed out to one of the clubs on ‘Surfers Paradise Boulevard.’ Not at all our scene and wishing we had chosen differently. It reminded us of ‘The Night At The Roxbury’. Loud pumping music, men trying to grind at you from every angle, while they tried to offer you little white pills in clear plastic bags! We made a pact to not leave each others side and lived by this rule for the night. A lot of good this did us when we became convinced someone spiked our drinks. Having had our drinks grabbed out of our hands and taken sips of by random men, we were not exactly keen on drinking our $8 Coronas. Especially when you swirled your beer and the beer fizzed like it had baking soda added to it. But the night ended up getting better when we met 2 guys from Toronto, who we hung out with for the night. They were the kind of guys that remind you of home-funny, sarcastic and not at all metro sexual. Plus they did not offer us any drugs or try to slip a Ruffie into any one of our drinks.

On our last day we decided to do something completely different and went to check out the ‘Wax Museum’. Having been in the wax museum in Las Vegas I thought I knew what to expect...Not the case at all.... If I had night terrors before, they were about to get a whole lot worse!!!! The wax museum was broken into 2 parts: ‘The Famous Person’ section and ‘The Chamber of Horrors.’

For one thing we had no idea who the majority of these people were. There were people we had never heard about or even thought important to have a wax figure created of them. Plus, why would they put Princess Diana and Prince Charles in the same section facing each other? Does anyone else think this is wrong??? Really quite disturbing...Where was Hugh and his playmates? Cher? Marilyn?....

Things only got a lot worse when we headed to the ‘Chamber Of Horrors’. Not really knowing what to expect we were very surprised at what it really was about. It was a guided tour on all the ways that people were punished and executed for their crimes in the past. I could think of much better ways to spend an afternoon than seeing wax creations trying to "Punish Each Other"..... Not to sure if I will be able to get the vision of someone being ‘disemboweled’, ‘stretched,’ ‘burned’ or having a metal rod pierced into the back of their skull. We left.... We didn’t speak.... We felt weak....We had to sit for awhile... There were no words and definitely none of the laughter we had become accustomed to!

This city is not at all what Australia is about! It could only get better!....

TBC....