The Modern Estonian Quadrathlon

With the Olympics in full swing, almost every cafe, pub and restaurant in Voru (all six of them) have their TVs tuned to EuroSport 24x7. I've had my fill of coverage of 'sports' I didn't even know existed. Synchronized diving??? Madison bicycle races????\r

\r

Anyway, in honor of the Olympics (and hoping for their quick finish), I am proposing a new event: the Modern Estonian Quadrathlon. The ModEstQuad, for short, is made up of four disciplines.\r

\r

1. Hiking in poorly marked Estonian parks infested with guerilla mosquitos that appear out of nowhere to inflict maximum damage. Points are awarded for the quickest finish of the so-called route. Points are deducted for the number of wrong turns and the number of mosquito bites sustained (counted the next day).\r

\r

2. Biking in the beautiful Estonian countryside while being chased by yappy little farm dogs. Points are awarded for quickest finish of the course. Points are deducted for the number of dogs that take a bite out of your heels.\r

\r

3. Horseback riding along bucolic lakes and streams. Major farm equipment will occasionally pass close enough to cause the horse to bolt. Points awarded for the length of time the rider is able to sit in an under-padded bus seat the next day. Points deducted if the rider falls when the horse is spooked or if the rider needs to stand during the bus trip.\r

\r

4. Feigning interest in Olympic event involving Estonian athletes, such as men's canoing, women's javelin, men's decathalon, and women's power walking. This is universally acknowledged as the most difficult of the four disciplines. Points are awarded for actual knowledge of or understanding of the events involved and the names of the Estonian athletes. Bonus points for knowing the final placing of the Estonian athletes. Points deducted for yawning during conversations involving (a) the Olympics, (b) Estonian athletes, or (c) any sports in which the Estonians are even remotely competitive.\r

\r

After medalling in this trial run of the ModEstQuad, I expect to see this become a very popular event in future Olympiads. I may even decide to defend my title four years from now. Look out, Beijing, here I come.\r

\r

\r

Photo Album: Estonia\r

http://www.ofoto.com/I.jsp?c=c931oof.4ummgcwf&x=0&y=-af0qxn \r