Do I Want to Become an Airline Pilot?

I presume this equipment belongs to American
see all photos »

Nowhere in the world can you find an industry that is so focused and committed on making the very lives of the customers that support them a complete misery and living hell than that of the airlines.  Think about it.  There's the robotic ticket agents that check you in, typing away as if they were writing a thesis on how to overbook an aircraft, not to be outdone by the diabolical flight attendants that push you around with their cattle prods, encouraging you to find your assigned seat while they bitch and complain with their cohorts about the inadequacies of their incompetent management.  There's also the cumbersome call centers that put you through a myriad of phone call selections, creating an elevated level of certainty that your call will ultimately end in a line disconnection as you progress deeper into the modern maze of tele-produced customer relations.  Something has to give, and today it's going to be me.  This blog is dedicated to the countless inept employees and terminal processes that have made my life an insignificant existence, with special emphasis on my new number one customer relation's nemesis, American Airlines.

How fitting, look who's in the fog
see all photos »

Realizing that our finances have been severely stretched to the limits while visiting South and Central America, Pika and I have decided to cut our expenditures and return to North America early.  This should have been a rudimentary process that would typically require a quick phone call with a credit card number exchange, instead, American Airlines has turned this procedure into a full-blown lobotomy.  Let me explain.

too painful to further write about

While visiting Panama, we stopped by the ticket counter of American Airlines to request a change of flight.  "No problem", the ticket master suggested.  "Just call the reservation line located in Mexico."  Writer foreshadows problems with outsourcing to Mexico.  A phone call later, produced a multi-hold phone conversation with the grossly incompetent employee of American's reservation center, resulting in a "disconnection" of our phone call no less than 35 minutes later.  Phone call number 2:  this proved to be equally fruitless, but with a different set of tracks to the same failed result...Obviously not winning any congeniality contests in her foreseeable future, my new representative assured me (after 20 minutes of my life that I'll never get back) that there was nothing she could do, and that I needed to visit the offices of American Airlines in San Jose, Costa Rica, to make the change.  How convenient for her.  Being that I was unable to visit the San Jose office for another 6 days, 3 days before our requested change of flight, this posed the problem of escalating expenses as we grew nearer the departure date.  Might I add, that this was going to be above the exorbitant price that they had already quoted me for changing the airfare in the first place.  Back to Ms Congeniality.  In a disconcerting voice, the outsourced call center representative assured me there was nothing she could do, prompting me to thank her for her kind help in as much undeniable sarcastic manner that I could muster.  I ended the conversation with a slammed hang-up, returning the favor for their prior "the line must have been disconnected sir."

Just short of begging on my knees, I realized it was time to email American Airlines customer service department for some badly needed help.  This generated an automated response assuring me that my concern had not only been received, but had also been assigned to a file handler that would investigate my matter in a quick and timely fashion...."within a week or so."  Apparently American Airlines and my idea of quick and timely are two different things.  But wait, this gets better.  The automated response explained further that if my concern required more immediate attention, you guessed it, I could contact their reservation center that has been outsourced to Mexico.  Wonderful.  I've now gone full circle in American Airlines' customer relations labyrinth.

Well, we did make it back to Minnesota, where I can be assured warm and wonderful treatment  from our local carrier, Northworst Airlines, but not before receiving a reply from American's customer service department:

June 5, 2007

Dear Mr. Hallgren:

Thank you for your interest in American Airlines. (I'm now interested in them?) Your email has been directed to me (hi, me!) for handling.

Upon review of your reservation, I see your reservation has been processed with your change of date to June 9.  I am glad we were able to resolve this matter. (ya, you did so much to help resolve this matter)  I deeply regret any difficulty you have experienced during these circumstances. (how heartfelt)

Should you require additional assistance with this reservation or similar assistance with reservations in the future (I assure you, there will be no reservations in the future), we recommend you call our reservations center for a more expeditious response. (where I will be treated like a piece of shit and have my phone call dumped after an agonizing 35 minutes of hold) We have an around-the-clock dedicated staff (what? were they hiding in Cancun when I called?) of professionals eager to resolve issues for customers holding reservations.  Bla, bla, bla, and so the rest of the letter went.

They say the average dissatisfied customer tells something like 9 other people about their unpleasant experiences, promoting a flurry of bad publicity and negative word-of-mouth.  I can only tell you that I plan to increase this single digit number exponentially, having told as many acquaintances about the negative experiences with American Airlines as any one individual could possibly do in a three day period.  Further, I do wish them continued success in their quest for bankruptcy, an endeavor that I am sure will come sooner than later.

Before I let you go, I think it's important to mention that I am still without my backpack, one of many American Airline customers that have been blessed with the privilege to have further contact with this grossly incompetent airline.  This is a whole story in itself, but my ongoing dealings are too painful to further write about.

bkh