The King and I. And Claire.

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The King and I. And Claire.

* Thailand is about the size of France

* Building a replacement for its airport due to open this summer. Supposed to be the largest in Asia.

* Bangkok the capital of Thailand and its twin city across the river house almost 16 million people.

The King(s car)
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We arrive at Bangkok airport, a busy crowded bustling place. We’re approached by several men and women all offering cheaper or faster or more luxurious rides into town. Ever the savvy travellers, we by-pass them all and head for the metered taxis outside. After a 30 minutes $7.00 cab ride we arrive at the Conrad Bangkok. Rooms aren’t yet ready. We’ve seen an Au Bon Pait on the way in. I’m embarrassed to say that after Vietnam this looks like the cleanest most appealing oasis of fine dining we can remember. A chicken wrap and a Perrier later, we feel like we’re back in the modern world. Soon to realize that that’s not quite true. Finally get to check in (outstanding room) and go for an orientation walk. We walk through the heat, humidity and smog to find what they call the midnight market. Kind of get lost. Manage to avoid heat stroke on the way back but barely. In the lobby lounge while consuming 20 dollars worth of beer (two bottles) we discuss what to eat for dinner. Italian? Steak? French? Then it hits us. Let’s see if we can find a Thai restaurant. To our surprise we find there are a few around. We eat our first Thai thai and it’s excellent. This Bangkok place is great. Only thing is we’re finding out that alcohol is expensive here. If we hadn’t been paying attention we could easily have paid $100 or so for some vintages of wine that you can buy in a grocery store in Florida for under $20.00. We choose a local Thai Chenin Blanc which still set us back over $40.00 We learn why we don’t import a lot of Thai wine into Canada.

False teeth anyone?
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Next day is “do the tourist thing” day. Go visit the Grand Palace. Oh boy. Basically a larger flashier version of another temple. But we have to see it. So we jump in a cab, of which the driver, promptly advises us that it will take two hours to drive the three or four miles and he’d suggest that he drop us at the river where we can take the ferry to the Palace front door. Sounds like a plan. However, as we navigate through the increasingly small and windy streets he concludes for some reason (which becomes clear later) that he can’t drop us off at the ferry stop but chooses a spot of river nearby. Only he hasn’t explained any of this and we, the savvy traveller,s are tempted by various helpful Bangkokians offering us water transportation at bargain prices. We had no idea that this wasn’t the ferry stop, that these weren’t ferry men or what the fair price would be. After turning down offers of $20.00 then $15.00 and so on we find someone that advises us that we’re a couple of blocks away from the ferry which will cost us18 bahts. (about 20 cents) We have to navigate a few blocks back into the city to be able to get there and that’s where our excellent adventure really starts.

Grand Palace
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We spot the ferry directional sign and turn to go down that street to find it lined up for two or three blocks with young uniformed students with flags in their hands. I wonder if my son of Ho reputation has preceded me but how could they know we’d be here? It begins to dawn on me that this isn’t for us. Actually it begins to dawn on me as the soldier with the rifle tells me to halt or whatever the equivalent is in Thaiwanese. As he quickly pulls us off the street and behind him, he turns back to the street at attention and salutes an approaching motorcade. We wonder how we might find out who this is when Claire asks “I wonder who this is” The soldier mutters, “the kind of Thailand approaches” This is so cool. How many people can say that they showed up in Thailand and laid eyes on the King, the very next day. Actually, to be honest they’d have to say that they laid eyes on the car that the King was apparently in. Nice car though.

Floating Dollar
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We learn that the king is 77. This is the 60^th anniversary of his ascendancy to the throne and that he is very popular. This is particularly interesting because Thailand is just this week enduring a constitutional crisis. We have such excellent timing. The Prime Minister has just sold his family owned telecommunications company to a foreign entity for a $2 billion dollar profit, tax free After the odd suggestion that this was inappropriate he’s resigned, adjourned Parliament and called an election. He seems to be of the opinion that a snap election is a good idea before the immensity of his actions is absorbed and understood by the populace. (Can you say, Gomery?) But the opposition parties have a card up their sleeve that Stephen Harper didn’t think of. They’ve decided not to run in the election. The end game seems to be to let the PM get re-elected unopposed, and then appeal to the king (remember the guy I pretty much saw?) to declare the whole thing a sham and to appoint an interim government in which they might play a small role until everything got sorted out. Great intrigue. Major protests are scheduled. Last time anything like this happened there were riots and chaos. We ensure we have our passports with us at all times.

Mail Dominated Society
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But back to our adventure of the day. We do catch the ferry and pay our 20 cents. Neat system. Works just like a bus. It stops at any one of 20 or so stops. Pulls over, people jump on or off and ticket vendors take your bahts. (There’s a sheep joke in there somewhere) river is extraordinarily busy with tourists, transport and commercial craft. Hopping. We’re let off a mile or so from the Palace and off we go. As we and dozens of others approach one of the apparent entrances we are informed by a nice man that regretfully, we are a bit too late. The monks of the Palace observe a lunch period from 11:30 until 1:30. He’s very helpful though, in suggesting other attractions to do in the meantime and giving us careful instructions about which of the tuk tuks (cycle pushed people carriers) to be wary of and which we can trust. In spite of our great luck in encountering this gentleman we decide to double check his facts. At the next apparent entrance we are assisted by yet another man who tells us he’s an employee but assures me that I am wise to be careful of strangers. But alas he confirms the lunch break information and is amazed at the wisdom of the stranger that has suggested these other attractions. They are excellent ones as it turns out and at a wonderful price. We decide just a little more verification is in order and further up the street we walk through the main entrance where people are entering in large numbers. Claire remarks that we might be in luck and the monks haven’t gone to lunch yet. I look at her in amazement desperately willing the word “duh” not to pass through my lips. I fail. This has been a major all out scam on unsuspecting tourists, many of whom we’ve watched turn away in disappointment. Some have jumped on the “appropriate” tuk tuks, others have just wandered off wondering how to fill in the next couple of hours until the monks finish eating. Shameful that this is permitted. We’ve now had attempted scams by the taxi driver, several boat owners and several of these guys outside the palace.

Claire and McFriend
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Anyway. We already knew that in the palace men or women aren’t able to dress immodestly. That means shorts. Claire has brought a wrap around but I along with hundreds of others have to borrow trousers by leaving a passport, a credit card or 100 bahts as a deposit. (One Canadian dollar is worth about 7 bahts) Mindful of the brewing revolution I decide to leave the bahts. I’m beginning to think of this place as a hell hole. I need the passport to get out of hell. But I don’t necessarily need a 100 bahts out of hell. (Look; if you don’t want to read this stuff, go buy a newspaper or something.)

Phuket
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Over the next couple of hours we endure, I mean, enjoy the Palace. I’ll acknowledge that it has great historical significance to this country. I admit that there are deep important religious connotations to it. And I accept that it is architecturally dazzling. (Sounds better than garish) But I knew all that back in the hotel room. I didn’t need to spend 50 bucks, run the scam gauntlet and walk around for two hours in 35 degree sunlight to confirm it. Plus no food or drinks available. No wonder the monks needed a full two hours for lunch. I say give the palace concession to Disney and Pepsi. A couple of rides and a food court and you might have something, but we’re just tired, hot and hungry, wondering how we’re going to get back to the hotel. Off we go. Find some lunch on the waterfront. Catch the ferry. Hook up with the Sky Train. Sky train is an overhead tram just recently built. Covers the downtown core. Pretty slick really. Will eventually drop us off within a five minute walk of the hotel. But on the way we stop at a major major shopping complex. Biggest I’ve ever seen. At least seven stories of the widest assortment of pretty much fake stuff I’ve ever seen. Loud, crowded, pointless. Even Claire can’t shop here. Back to the hotel where we barricade the door and turn the air conditioning up. Light supper in Italian restaurant next to hotel.

Claire and Caddies after Round
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Next day we have a tour arranged. We’re met by a driver and guide in a Volvo 960. They take us to the water front where we have what they call a James Bond boat ready. Apparently featured in one of the Bodn films, it’s a long narrow boat with a huge engine hooked up to a long extension attacked to the whirly thing that makes the boat go. Capable of going very fast. Which it does on occasion. We spend some time on the river, then head into a small side canal. Go up for a few miles. Feed cat fish. (Don’t ask) On the way we see life on the river. Commercial fishing boats, people who live on the boats etc. etc. They even have a bank boat. It’s a boat that is a branch of a bank that goes up and down the canal and the various residents and business people board it from their own vessels, or as it docks beside their business. I’d always wondered what they meant by a floating currency.

Blue Canyon 9th Hole
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Couple more touristy things and we head back to hotel. Driver very helpful. Things we learned about Thailand:

• Kids take three months off. March, April, May and October. Based on agricultural society.
• 30% of the young men have to serve in the military. Based on a lottery. You show up, they basically turn a card over and if it’s the wrong colour you’re in the army now. (The drivers mother had bribed the officer but had given the money to the wrong guy. He had to serve and she lost the bribe money. Heck of country, this)
• When the oldest son turns 20 he’s supposed to move into a temple for three months. Most do. This enables the parents an easier trip to heaven when they die. If they don’t have any children they’ll hire neighbour kids to do it.

Smog
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(This is one of many examples we’ve seen of the people of Thailand looking out for each other. They believe that it benefits each other and society at large. Here they call it chua luea. At our golf club we call that Two Thai, All Thai.)

We pretty much veg the rest of the day. Quite frankly there’s nothing much else we want with Bangkok. It’s hot. The smog is oppressive. The streets are cluttered with traffic. (Traffic is so bad that hotels, office buildings and apartment buildings hire uniformed guards that do nothing but assist their residents or customers get in or out of the traffic on the street.) The sidewalks are jammed with people cooking or eating or trying to sell you stuff. (You can buy just about anything on the sidewalk. For example we saw more than one display of false teeth (You’ve heard the expression “if you believe that I’ve got a bridge for sale”). And we’re tired of keeping our guard up against the hustlers. Bangkok is an assault on the senses. But mostly it’s an assault on our common sense. I’m truly glad that we went but until they get those rides installed in the Palace, I won’t be back.

We eat dinner at a French restaurant that night (another $40 for wine) and leave the next morning en route to Phuket, Thailand, a one hour flight and a world away.

Not going to say much about Phuket. Phuket is actually a wonderful beach resort island with similarities to any other beach resort in the world. Great beaches, a gamut of hotel types and a great place to relax. Our hotel, the Dusit Laguna is a cluster of five mid to high end hotels on a lagoon adjacent to a beach. Great to swim, walk the beach lay around. A blessed relief after Bangkok. Except for the misstep of going to Phuket city (a mini Bangkok) this is a relaxing rest along the way. Claire referred to it as her vacation vacation. Our only complaint was the heat. It was typically 35 degrees and the evening didn’t get much better. So hot out that in the evening we booked tables indoors for dinner.

Oh, we did play golf here. The Blue Canyon. (The 1998 Johnnie Walker Classic was played here) Outstanding course where we had to take caddies. Caddies are all women and all wear a variation of traditional Thai garb. Teed off at 7:20 to beat the heat. (Claire woke up, around the third hole.) Great experience. Quite a bit of golf in the area and I’d come here as a golf destination.

Phuket, of course, was one of the areas most damaged by the tsunami. Outstanding job of rebuilding and we saw little evidence of the damage. Tourism is back to within about 80% of its former levels. Nice destination if you can avoid the heat.

Pros and Cons of Thailand:

Pros: Phuket

Cons: Bangkok (and I do mean cons)

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QUESTION OF THE DAY

I know that that wasn’t Yul Brynner I saw in the King:s car but I keep making a connection between Siam and Thailand. Yet I don’t even think there is a Siam. Can someone fill me in here and make the connection? What was / is Siam and how does it relate to Thailand?

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WHAT I LEARNED TODAY

I learned how vulnerable the political stability is in some countries in the East is. Thailand is undergoing a political crisis with the very real possibility that the system will fail totally. The current government is flagrantly abusing their powers yet seem to be the better alternative than the opposition. Neither party is observing the constitutional rules. The king seems to be incapable of making any inroads on the situation and the populace are getting increasingly rowdy and dangerous. I would have thought that most developed democracies would be beyond this kind of volatility.

What I learned today is that Thailand is still corrupt at the highest levels and still has a long way to go before it can be considered stable and reliable.