Sun, sand, sea and the sh*%s

Hello again everyone.

It’s not that long since the last blog update but Emma has the shits again and we can’t leave the hotel so I thought I’d update you on what has been happening!

So we left you last time having just arrived in the small town of Tamarindo on the west coast of Costa Rica. We hung around for a couple of days drinking beer but quickly got bored. It would have been fine if we could surf but neither of us fancied being eaten by the crocodiles whilst learning either. I also got scalped by the local barber who although was English didn’t seem to understand the concept of a trim.

October in Costa Rica is the rainiest month of the rainy season and it was unlikely we were going to avoid getting wet so we decided to visit an area known as The Cloud Forest. Let me just backtrack here a bit, when we hired the car we were given what can be described as the worst map ever. It resembles a scribble of a 2 year old drawing a picture of spaghetti. None of the roads have names or numbers and the main roads are only distinguished from the rest by a slightly different colour. On the way to Tamarindo we discovered that the little red scribbles meant there was no tarmac and were basically big dirt tracks with even bigger holes in them.

To get to the Cloud Forest however we had to take some of this route. It was easy going for a short while but I quickly jinxed it by saying it wasn’t actually as bad as the road we had encountered previously. Suddenly the gravel track disappeared and was replaced by small paths in between trees and over huge boulders. This was the type of terrain that you would normally pay a couple of hundred bucks per day to drive along on a 4x4 day out. This area is notorious for its bad roads; they even have names for them like Axle Breaker Road, Bone Shaker Ally and Puncture Pass. This wasn’t going to be easy but I was actually having fun. It was narrow and it was steep and at times it was deep with mud. The engine started to struggle even in first gear at and at one point I was riding the clutch so much trying to keep the revs up that smoke was coming into the car. Shortly after we even saw a sign heading up an even steeper hill saying 4x4´s only from this point onwards! Reversing all the way downhill wasn’t an option so we pushed on for what seemed like hours until we came to civilisation. Suddenly the clouds parted and there was an entire town on top on this hill, how the hell did they manage to get stuff up here.

Now, not wanting ever to portray myself to be anything other than manly (I thought I did a good job driving up here) but I must obviously be a poof as the people up the top of this mountain manage to get around in normal cars. They even manage to get around in those little 3 wheel tuk-tuk things, they are not afraid to give them a bit of welly either. Taking a taxi ride here is like inviting death itself to come get you.

Anyway we were here for a few days and check into a local hostel after first confirming the room didn’t smell of stale piss like the previous one. The next morning we up at 7am and into the forest for a bit of action. First up is what they call the Canopy Tour. Basically a series of zip wires that allow you to roam through the treetops at high speed with nothing more than a bit of rope to keep you attached and an old glove that acts like a brake. When you want to (or rather need to) slow down or stop you basically grab hold of the cable with your glove and squeeze. Hi-tech or what? As a side attraction to the zip wires they also have a Tarzan swing. Basically just a bit of old rope attached to a very high tree. You grab hold of the rope and jump from an equally high platform and swing about for a bit, great fun.

After a spot of lunch we were kitted out with an ATV (Quad bike) each. This is more like it! The only way to get around these dodgy things they call roads. For a couple of hours we explored the terrain but I must say, at time even the ATV´s struggled. It however never amazes me how good these things are and the terrain they can handle. If there was a suitable place to ride one back home I’d have one for sure. Later that afternoon we were scheduled to go Horse Riding but we got soaked after a downpour of rain and re-scheduled it for the next morning.

Dawn came and we were up early again for some more activities. Those of you who know us will know that Emma can already ride horses as she has her own. Me, I’ve only ever been on a donkey at Blackpool beach and even after that I couldn’t walk for days so when the horse suddenly decided it wanted to start running with me on the back I was of course a little apprehensive to let him continue. He didn’t listen however and I found my backside being pounded by a very hard saddle, how people find these things comfortable I will never know. A couple of hours I had to put up with this and for days afterwards I had to position myself very gingerly when attempting to sit down anywhere.

A short drive away we came across one of the volcano´s I was telling you about. We stayed at a great hotel a couple of miles away set in a private rainforest park overlooking the volcano. That night we were treated to eruptions of lava and huge rocks being thrown down the side. It was spectacular to watch and a once in a lifetime opportunity. Unfortunately my camera isn’t good enough to get the lava in the dark but I did get a couple of good daytime shots early morning before the cloud settled. You´ll have to trust me, seeing a live volcano erupt is a fantastic experience.

Whilst in the hotel we were also treated to a visit from a couple of wild parrots, they basically go inside the hotel when the rain is too hard outside. Here you can feed them etc and they might even sit on your arm for the right piece of food we were informed. At the back of the hotel you can walk into the rainforest. We managed to spot an apparently very rare Squirrel Monkey and a Toucan. We didn’t actually know they were called Squirrel Monkey´s, we made the name up as it looked part like a squirrel and part like a monkey (well what else were we to call it?) but they are actually called that! We also came across a snake, now whilst I wanted to see some snakes; I kind of didn’t at the same time if you know what I mean. My preferred environment is to see them from a distance, even then whilst wearing protective clothing so they cant bite you, not when they suddenly crawl across your foot when you are wearing open toed sandals. They tell you that if a snake slithers across your foot that you shouldn’t panic and just stay still. Right! Like that’s going to happen.

After thoroughly relaxing for a couple of days we heading across to the Caribbean coast to, you guessed it, relax some more. A small town called Peurto Veijo was our home for the next few days. We found a hotel that was completely secluded in the trees; with a hammock on the porch and the beach about 2 minutes walk away. Nice! We spent several days just doing nothing apart from eating, drinking and sleeping. We both managed to get very sunburnt however and to this day are scratching and peeling off dead bits of skin.

With only a few day to go until we had to give the car back we drove back over to the Pacific coast to a town called Manuel Antonio for what were probably the best beaches so far. After finding a suitable hotel close to the beach we settled at the bar for a swift beer. 7 hours later we decided we really should unpack the car and get to our room. During this time however we were attacked by monkey´s. Not actually attacked you understand but rather visited. At a certain time of day these monkeys are heading back home and always stop by the hotel to see if any food is available. They have even been known to take a swim in the pool. Walking around the local parks over the following days we spotted different types of these amusing little things. One unfortunate oversized lady even had her sandwiches nicked by one of the little fellas. They obviously had a strategy, and well executed it was. Said fat lady was being distracted by a couple of cute little monkeys whilst some others are busy going through her picnic basket. Very funny but apparently bad, exposure to human food can damage them and give them the shits. I guess they don’t have to stay close to a toilet however.

Anyway, we are back in San Jose as we had to return the car. We have decided to skip most of Panama as it is much like Costa Rica we are told but only poorer. We have a flight tomorrow direct to Panama City where we will stay for about a week in a hopefully clean city. All the books say it’s a great place.

We have also decided to see some of the East Coast of the US and instead of the Panamanian beaches have bought forward our scheduled flight to Miami by a few weeks and have rented an apartment on Miami´s South Beach. Close to all restaurants and bars of course. We never planned to stay in Miami but were scheduled to pass through it on the way to Brazil. We shall probably rent a bike or two to get around, more to follow when it happens. The apartment by the way sleeps six people; we are going to be there from October 15th to 7th November. If anyone wants to gatecrash we have a couple of spare beds.

Anyway, I’m sure you have better things to do than to spend the day reading our blog. Work, yes that’s it, I remember that word now, a distant memory. If you don’t have work to do then get yourself on a plane to Miami and come drink some beer with us. Until next time, take care.