Kao Sok: jungle stylie!

Right folks.....hello. It seems I'll be doing a large amount of blogging over the next few days as I've managed to stack it once again! Hard to believe I could be such a banana I know but it's true I'm on the road to nowhere until a twisted legendry crap ankle reduces at least to the size of a football! Luckily am in one of the best guesthouses in the world that has movie rooms and now my hammock so possibly a blessing in disguise!

So, Kao Sok....on waking up I realize we're sleeping in the jungle proper and that's where all the noise was coming from last night. Some serious frog action and Alex fog horn face managed to facilitate bugger all sleep and a slightly cranky Fuller. Also the weather was a bit crap can you believe! After a proper breakie that included a very small but authentic medallion of bacon (horrraaaggghhh) we hung about in the restaurant for ages longer (can you see the pattern) and managed a half day kayak trip on the river through the forest.

Well...that sounds a bit like we actually did something for ourselves but no we had a man each to paddle for us of course. I quite fancied a tramp through the woods but this was met with about as much enthusiasm as Bin Laden on holiday in New York. I saw that these guys liked to take it easy, in fact smoking fags and eating in restaurants was pretty much the order of things and that suited me just fine for now.

The jungle here was rather lovely, lots of interesting birds about, some of the largest frogs I've ever seen and the river was alive with fish that we fed from the boat. Also the limestone karst scenery (large conical shaped rocks with veg growing off) that had dominated the area around Ton Sai was here in abundance. We swam, paddled and looked at nice stuff. Very pleasant but having been to Taman Negara I found it difficult to get over excited about the place. This jungle holds the largest flower in the world....a meter in diameter this thing stinks like rotting flesh apparently and according to the guest house owner trekking up to see it destroys it's habitat so that put pay to that one!

So we stuck to what we know best...sitting in restaurants, chewing the fat and listening to Will Shattner.

Dec 17th

Next morning we hung around for some time...tis a little difficult to get things moving in a 4 I see. Eventually we packed the car and moved off towards Chompon on the east coast (jumping off point for eastern Thai islands) and having no real maps this was always going to be an interesting trip to say the least. I was quite happy to stay out of the discussions but having known each other since uni, this lot had no holes barred about taking each other to pieces.We were all off on the night ferry to Koh Tao but on arrival found it had been canceled due to bad weather. Good I thought...I don't want to be sick on these people!

So off we drove into the night trying to find the only decent place to stay according to the LP.....and we got lost...seriously lost in the back roads and tracks of rural eastern Thailand. And the others rowed...they rowed like you wouldn't believe and when they weren't rowing they sulked. Eventually we pulled over to ask some locals at a shop and although no English was spoken they got the idea and started to draw a dodgy map which they all then argued over. For god's sake! Finally they called the place to come get us and whilst we waited they offered us drinks and food and a lot of happy sign language. Oh how I love these people!!! So utterly generous and genuinely pleased to help I think I'll never forget their kindness that night.

Dec 18th

Luckily this place had a jetty where the express ferries departed to Koh Tao (the smallest of the 3 islands on the east side and reportedly the best for learning to dive... my reason for going)...unluckily it was like a Swedish toy town with the most lewdly and shinny painted bungalows I've ever seen. We ate breakfast/lunch overlooking the water and as I watched the boat leave my heart was struck with fear...it was a serious case of buckeroo and I knew it would be time to honk my guts up big style.

We hung around most of that day eating, smoking fags...the others trying to decide if they could afford to come to the island with me and get up to the north in time for Christmas. I was intending to hook up with some of the peeps from Gilly T (lovely island in Indonesia) and wanted to dive so I was seton my course.

Dec 19th

Bad weather had stopped the afternoon boats again and looked set to be the same the next day so yet again we hung around...I made Alex play Will Shattner endlessly, he played the guitar when Will Shattner wasn't and we all had long and interesting conversations whilst drinking the mini bar dry. Oh yes...that was the other good things about this place...the mini bar and TV, so not the worst place in the world to get stuck! Although I didn't really want to spend xmzs in the funny little swedish village with no snow!

Dec 20th

Bingo...just in the nick of time the waves reduced only just enough to allow passage! Yeeehhhhaaarrrr!!! Oh bugger I'm going to be sooooooo ill...

I said a sad farewell to the gang with intensions to catch up and do Laos together. I gingerly picked my way down the endless jetty and sat on the top deck of the boat ready to fix eyes on the horizon. The damn thing lurched into action like a bull on rodeo day. Almost immediately the spray had soaked me to the skin and the guy next to me shook his head and said, "It only gets worse." Aw crap...how am I going to cope inside? I had no choice.

I found one of the only remaining seats down below and sadly this was facing some others..you'll understand why very soon. So, I'm sitting there and there's a movie on the TV and I'm thinking "This ain't so bad! Can handle this so long as I keep focused." So, I'm focusing away and think perhaps I....

Jesus Christ the bloody roof just caved in on top of my head in this net shop!!! Surely this is not my week...loads of corrugated plastic planks just fell from the ceiling right on me!!! No harm done....luckily we' all laughing but anymore crap and my heart will simply give in! I'm off to the pool where it's safe for crying out load! Tata x

Ok, the roof seems to be intact over this part of the building so I'll resume...

Right...I'm sitting there focusing, holding on to the seat as the boat lurches from front to back, side to side....look out the window at the horizon thinks I...windows being lashed by waves as if stage hands throwing buckets of water prevents any view. I'll just close the eyes and think of nice stuff then....ice cream, mountain vistas, dogs....and then......

"PLLLLLUUUGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!"

Oh shit someone's started already! How long can I hold out? I was doing so well! Just don't open the eyes...mountain vistas, solid rock, connect 4, lovely trees....my limbs have gone completely numb...the hands strangely tingling.

I last what I think is half the journey and on cracking an eye to check the time (45 mins of hell to go...you can do it Shellwoir!) I sadly catch sight of what seems to be a remake of The Exorcist. I'd been blocking the noise you see, but at the same time noting the honking of some small child behind me, several males in front and possibly the most savagely noisy puker right next to me. Oh god...I thought I was gona make this one I really did....but with at least 70 percent of the passengers yakking the odds were stacked against me. Oh...how green that poor sod looked when I opened that one eye!

I made a lurch for the plastic bag of a girl nearby (just in case) and as if my body had been given the all clear for the minimal embarrassment of not honking on the floor, it let rip....and would not really stop for some time. I seem to remember the bag leaving my hand at some point, a fresh one appearing in it's place with tissue to boot! And when purgatory had finally retreated I witnessed the men with the worst job in the world. For some time I've consoled myself when bored at work with images of other worse jobs and the search is over for the crap job to end all dreadful employment. These are the puke collectors on the Koh Tao ferry....dressed in overalls for god sake! these men patrol the aisles with fresh bags and relive the stricken from their produce before they drop it and create a slippery living nightmare!

To this day I still contend that I did pretty well looking at some of the other poor sods there. Although I have to say I was good for nothing for the rest of the day. I found some crap accommodation near a noisy bar and lay with head swimming awake half the night hopping I wasn't going to honk up the noodles I'd managed to get down that evening....with no puke collector of my own what would I do!