Worst Haircut In Saigon

Huey Helicopter In War Museum
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Ho Chi Minh City or Siagon as it used to be..  Not the sprawling metropolis i imagined. It sprawls, it's a metropolis but there are lots of bits of greenary and it is smaller than i imagined.

We got in and went for the first indian meal we have had for 2 months.  The food came with people wearing biohazard suits and holding our meals with tongs.  Anyone who was in the line of delivery ran out screaming as their hair caught on fire for being near the curry.  The walls started to melt, the tablecloth was set alight.  After half an hour of dousing it with a fire extinguisher i began to eat..."boy it's hot in here" i thought as sweat started to pour off me.  I must halve lost half my body weight eating it.   The day after was spent screaming on the toilet as i fired lava out while crying.

Worst Haircut In Saigon

Hmm Who Does This Look Like?
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After i had stuck a few ice cubes up there we decided to visit the "American imperialist agressive war of bastards" museum or "Remnants museum" as it says before you get in.  It was a somewhat slanted view of the vienam war.  The Americans were apparently "aggressive" which is totally unfair in my view.  because of cause the north vietnamese were only playing and then the americans started bring out their big toys.  In the museum there were American tanks, Howizers, bombs, planes, anti-aircraft guns, m16s, m60s etc...All which gave me the war horn.  This was deflated quite quickly when i saw the pictures of napalm devestation, agent orange victims, conjoined and malformed fetuses kept in jars.  Malformed and disabled victims of various bombing and chemical weapons.  The french weren't lets off the hook either..they weren't very nice either apparently until mr ho came riding in and gave them a whooping.  There were torture chambers on show, guillitines and then pictures from all around the world showing different countries expressing their solidarity with the north.  The North did nothing bad apparently and merely charged at enemy lines with nice cups of tea and some biscuits.  No-one was hurt in any way in the making of this war...oh and no-one was tortured either...they were all kept in comfy chairs with as much pot noodle as they can eat, big screen tvs and "i've been locked up in Vietnam and all i got was this lousy t-shirt" tshirts which they wore when they went the aqua parks and the local bars.

People Worshipping At The Jade Emperor Pagoda
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Somewhat one-sided propaganda but it was in no way glorifying the war nor shoving it in the face of people that they won...it was an interesting trip any way.  We then ventured on to the Reunification Palace and couldn't find a way in.. So we went to Notre Dame Catherdral which was quite pretty, a bit of European architecture in the middle of Ho Chi Minh City.

We returned back to the street our hotel was in and no i don't want a motorbike and no i don't want a flower or some chewing gum, nope i do not want any marijuana "man" or cocaine or "poonani".  I would however like a haircut.

Usual Busy Siagon Streets
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I sat down and it there were bad portents already.  The pictures on Vietnamese "hip" people looked like they had been let out of an asylum "god don't make me look like that" i thought.  The barber as well had a mullet and a huge moustache as apparently this passed for "cool" in Saigon.  Seeing the danger i indicated that i only wanted a small amount of hair cut off the top.  He nodded in recognition and then proceeded to do his one haircut that he knew regardless.  A big clump of hair fell out on the first cut...oh dear...this is not good.  He then scalped me as ruth started fits of laughter...she got away with expressing to the barber that she was laughing at his skills by the genious of facing the road.  Yep laughing at the cars, that's what she must be doing.  As he continued Ruth started whistling "in the army now" as i tried to keep a straight face or as straight as it could be with my crooked hair.  He cut most of my hair off, shaved me practically bald at the back and then finished the job by giving me a monster side part that made me look like hitler.

Me and Ruth In A Siagon Bar
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Stupidly i could have got up and left then but i said the stupid words "could you shave the back of my neck".  he smiled in a maniac fashion took a 1940's razor out, one that flicks open and then flicked it open right next to my eyeball and started shaving next to my eye.  "He's shaving my eyes!" i thought..."no , no keep my hairy eyes" i screamed as he sliced away without a care.  He razored behind my ears leaving a white "C" where i had not tanned, all down the back of my neck and of course the side of my eyes!

French Forces Decapitate An Enemy Soldier
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At the end of this he pushed me back down on the chair and whacked the back of my head with his hands.  He then took my head, twisted it lightly to the right twice and then with one big twist cracked my neck and turned my head around so that i was facing backwards.  He did this again on the other side as i shouted "jesus" out at the top of my voice.  This i assume passed as a "massage".  At the end he smiled, i gave him a big tip as he still held the razor but boy do a look a complete idiot....more than usual that is.  I now have that 1 week wait before the bad haircut turns to an acceptable one.  I may wear a shawl over my head for this week.