Peru

West Coast of Peru, like Robin Hoods Bay
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First a warning and bloody good whine. This blog seems to be full of The Worlds............(biggest, highest, most this, least that). I have tried to highlight them all but, if I have missed any, I offer you the Worlds Most Heartfelt Apology. And that brings me nicely to my soap box moment. I see the Capital of Gods' Country (Middlesbrough for the uninitiated) has been voted the Worlds Worst Place To Live (I know it was only in the UK, but I needed the dramatic affect),by some smarmy, shandy drinking Southern nonces. Have they ever been to Barrow in Furness, or any town between Gods Country and Geordieland or indeed Wales!!!!! What the hell do these people expect to achieve by such sweeping generalisations. Oh yeah, a little self publicity before they crawl back to their comfy little sterile lives, ignorant of the fact that they have delivered another almighty kick in the teeth to the great many people, some of whom we know, who work tirelessly to raise the profile and expectations of the people of the Worlds Greatest Town. Anyway I have extolled the virtues of living amongst Gods' chosen few to the rest of the truck group, and they are all keen on a visit to the Brambles Farm to Grangetown Naked Ramble Tour (and the fat lass and gay baldy bloke are welcome to come too).

Tucking into Ostrich, Beef and Alpaca
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Also a piece of advice to all would-be beggars out there. This is not to poke fun, or belittle anybody but the folks here really have it sussed. Firstly I have noticed that, per capita, there appears to be far fewer people actually begging in Central and South America, with the possible exception of Bolivia, and it drew me to reach this conclusion. What you do see are vast numbers, of mostly women and children, selling everything from fruit to a few sticks of chewing gum (sometimes un-chewed). What they have also mastered is the art of having a cute baby or toddler as a lever for you to part with your cash. Now this strikes me as a fantastic piece of marketing. I mean in England street people tend to get a dog to earn a few extra pennies, but a cute puppy will only stay cute for 8 months maximum, whereas a cute kid could see you right for several years. So there it is... "GET A KID NOT A DOG". ................Anyway, lets talk about Peru.

The Worlds Greatest Place called Peru

A "Condor moment" at Colca Canyon
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The lack of any "sensible" transport system hits you immediately. The nearest bus station in Peru is 20 kms from the Border, so taxi drivers make a fortune ferrying unsuspecting Gringo's. We were then subjected to a 4 hour mini-bus ride, sitting with my rucksack where my legs should have been, my backpack and computer on my lap and a flatulent 20 stone Peruvian blokes' arse in my face. This is the way of things in Central/South America. The "clippies" ("I hate you, Butler") obviously work on commission and so will squeeze as many people onto a "bus" as possible. This particular ride had 14 seats and 19 passengers, a driver and the aforementioned conductor.

Chomping on roots, Reed Islands
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Not too worry, we arrived 4 hours later IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE. We asked to be dropped off at Punta Sal, a one horse beach town, to meet back up with the truck. You realise pretty quickly that no matter where you stop, within minutes there will be a gaggle of people trying to sell you their wares and at least 4 taxis. And so it happened! Along came a tuk-tuk and a lift, to meet the rest of the crew, was hastily arranged.

The evening was spent eating and watching movies and next morning we set off for Huanchaca.

What a Punt!!! Reed Islands, Peru
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The next few days gave credence to the widely led belief that Peru, or at least the west coast is, well, BEIGE. Most of it is wholly unspectacular, rocky desert, with short interludes of fantastic sand dunes falling into the Atlantic Ocean. Most of us were simply treading water at this point in anticipation of THE BIG ONE. Nazca Lines, Machu Piccu I hear you ask? No, the Rugby World Cup Final (I felt I could include this because it says World and, unlike American Sports, actually includes the World) of course. I wish we had stayed in the desert!!!.

We arrived in Lima on Friday 19 October and, as is our luck at the moment, the City was SHUT. There was to be a nationwide Census on Sunday, so everybody prepared for it by doing.....SOD ALL. We managed to find 1 bar in the whole City that would open "just for the match". So that was it! On Saturday we rocked up at the Citys' only Sports Bar, endured the game, cried a little and went home. Not quite the 24 hour party I was hoping for.

A note on Lima. It would be very easy to dismiss the City as an ugly blot on the landscape. The majority of it is, especially on the drive into the City, but the Central, and Miraflores areas are pretty, colonial and great for walking around. I can say that because that is all we had to do.

A couple of observations at this point:-

1) South American Taxi/Bus drivers. They honk A LOT. They honk to attract your attention, they beep because "it's Tuesday" (or indeed any other day), they parp because their genitalia is "just not up to scratch" and they toot because, well because "they can". This mental torture has to be endured 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I think I can probably count myself as one of the Worlds Great Exponents of Road Rage but do not think I have EVER suffered from such acute attacks of PEDESTRIAN RAGE. Anyone who has been to South America will empathise, I am sure. It reaches the dizzy heights of farce within 3 minutes of leaving your Hotel.

2) Blokes down here think it is perfectly natural to pee and cough up huge balls of phlegm, anywhere in the street. Now, I can remember, playing football with my mates when I was much younger and getting "caught short" just before getting home. Unfortunately my mother saw me and the beating she gave me let me know never to do such a thing again. So, since the age of 23, I have NEVER No. 2'd in the street again. A salutory lesson, I think.

Can you tell I am struggling for anything interesting to say about Western Peru??? As I said it is just BEIGE.

We left Lima on Monday 22 October and drove through Pisco, the town devastated by an Earthquake, in August, this year. Most of the buildings, including the towns' 3 churches, were destroyed, many lost their lives and many more are still living in tents and trying to re-build their future. It was amazing to see the air of acceptance and determination showed by the locals.

That night we camped at a place called Mirador. Early next morning a few of us took a boat trip to a group of small Islands, known as the "Poor Mans' Galapagos" (Cheeky sods, it cost nearly £4 EACH). The Islands are home to numerous species of seals, birds, dolphins and, incredibly (to me anyway) Humboldt Penguins.

After the trip we drove to a pretty little bay called Punta Inca, played football against a group of locals, (we are claiming victory, despite having the extra man for most of the game), and slept under the stars, on the beach.

Next morning we headed for Nazca. We arrived at a really cool hotel/campsite right opposite the airport, and booked our flights to visit the Nazca Lines the following morning. I have not mentioned, yet, that there has been a bug going around the truck. I chose 9.45am the folllowing morning as my time to be bitten by it.

As soon as the plane took off and the pilot started to throw it around like a Dinky Toy, I knew I was in trouble. The Nazca Lines themselves are a bit of an enigma. You almost get the impression that a few years ago, following a town meeting to try and come up with an idea to make the Worlds most unimpressive town, "marketable", that someone came up with the idea of getting eveyone out on the desert to "draw funny pictures". One the one hand it is incredible to see the scale of some of the lines but, on the other, shapes like "the Astronaut" are really stretching the imagination. I do not wish to sound negative about them at all, because they are truly amazing but I did spend most of the journey closely examining the contents of, my hastily manufactured, sick bag. I even got pictures, of both events!

We left Nazca and drove to Arequipa, without doubt one of the prettiest towns we have visited. The central square and, recently completed, Cathedral are really spectacular. A visit to Santa Catalina which is a square block surrounded by a 20 foot wall, originally built to house a group of nuns, all of whom had enjoyed privileged upbringings, is stunning. The nuns decided to continue with their decadent ways, inside the square, until a Mother Superior brought them into line, many years after the church opened. The result is a hugely impressive labyrinth of narrow cobbled streets and ornate building

The bar area also threw up (not literally, for a change) a first, when I sampled a Pisco Sour (actually I sampled quite a few). I will not reveal the recipe just yet as it will be my treat when I get back. A local bar had music, and videos including Elbow, Doves and the Doors. It was a cool place to spend a few hours.

The following night a group of us went to a great restaurant called Zig Zag, and all had the local speciality. The meal consisted of 3 different steaks, Beef, Ostrich and Alpaca (which is like a small, furry, cute Llama). The Alpaca won the taste test (and contains far fewer calories and fat content than the others. Anyone for an Alpaca farm???). The taste was probably closer to pork than beef but was beautifully tender. The beef came second. It was probably our best meal to date, and 3 steaks (100gms each) with vegetables, potato and sauces set us back 38 Solis (about £6) each.

We left Arequipa and drove to Colca Canyon, the Worlds Second Deepest Canyon (its sister Canyon on the other side of the mountain is the deepest by 163m). The sunset was worth the entrance fee alone. We camped out at the Canyon are were all up before 5am to enjoy the spectacle before us. The first part of the sun rising over the mountains was a bit of a damp squib. It was cloudy.

The main event was to marvel at the Condors soaring on the thermals in the Canyon. They usually appear about 6am. By 6.30am no-one had enjoyed a "Condor moment", and we were all getting very cold and a bit dispirited. At 6.57am, I know, how anal am I? the first one appeared. With a wing span approaching 10 feet watching the Condor using the hot air rising from the valley to glide majestically some 1000 feet below us was amazing. Right on cue the sun made its first appearance, peeking from behind the clouds, and pretty soon the loan Condor was joined by a dozen or so of his mates. As the temperature rose over the next hour we were treated to the most amazing display of beauty as these huge birds soared effortlessly on the thermals, climbing higher and higher in the Canyon until they were at eye level with us (we were still practically alone in the area as none of the day trips had arrived). At times the Condors would pass literally feet away from us. One landed on a rocky outcrop about 20 feet away. Astonishing!! We stood transfixed for over an hour, snapping hundreds of photos and marvelling at the sight before us, until the thermals carried the birds higher and higher out of the Canyon, and they became mere specks in the distance. It was at this point that all the day trippers arrived. I had to feel sorry for them, the show was well and truly over. Definitely one of the highlights of the trip so far.

We left at 9.30am and drove to a "bush camp" by a lake, an hour outside Lake Titicaca. As we arrived the heavens opened and we had to put our tents up in the pouring rain. I erected mine just in front of the truck so as to afford me some shelter from the bitterly cold wind. Unfortunately the rain persisted and got much heavier. We have a tarpaulin fixed to the side of the truck, which we put up to allow us to cook dinner. In very heavy rain the tarpaulin holds water which makes it necessary to help the water off at regular intervals. Will did this and 5 gallons of rain water poured through my tent. Not to be discouraged I dug a moat around my tent to stop further deluges. By this point I was drenched to the skin and covered in mud. Just as I completed my moat, my tent collapsed. I still joke about it to this day!!!! I slept on the truck.

Next morning we drove to Puno on Lake Titicaca which promotes itself as "the Worlds Highest Navigable Lake". I do not know why but that sounds like a fairly spurious claim to fame.

I spent the day climbing the surrounding mountains and enjoying the views over the Lake. In the evening some of us went to a restaurant (Ukuku's) and had Alpaca with stewed apple, Delicious!, but I would have to say the meal was easily bettered by the best Pisco Sour to date. It cemented my love of all things "Pisco" (all together now... "P.I.S.C.O. she is P.I.S.C.O"). We finished the night off in one of the coolest little bars we have visited, Kamizarky. It was bitterly cold outside but this tiny little dive bar had a pizza oven right inside the door which kept eveything toasty. First drink was free so I had the obligatory Pisco (with sprite this time) and, after negotiating the incredibly rickety staircase, sat at an upstairs table and soaked up the atmosphere.

Next morning I took myself out on a boat trip to the Reed Islands. I would be the first to admit I had never heard of them but they really were pretty amazing. The reeds, and their roots, are cut in squares about 3 feet deep (the roots have soil attached to them). they are then bound together by weaving reeds between the roots. After several layers are laid on the base, a floor is established, and it is on these platforms, floating in 30 metres of water, that a whole indigineous group of people live. They make their living selling hand woven blankets and jewellry to tourists (as do most of the people in South America), and from revenue given them by the boat companies. It really is an amazing place and unlike anywhere I have ever visited. When a boat passes nearby you can actually see, and feel the whole Island riding over the wash.

We left Puno and headed for another place with a tenuous claim to fame, La Paz, "the Worlds Highest Capital City. And that is where I will begin my next Chapter, and my word there is lots to tell.

Before I finish, however, let me tell you about the pleasant affects of Altitude. My nose is permanently blocked, my lips dry and cracked. Walking a flight of stairs becomes a mammoth task. I wake many times every night, in a state of absolute panic, gasping because my subconcious has told my brain I am dying from lack of oxygen and I now have The Worlds Worst Case of WIND .......oh my word, don't even get me started on THE WIND. Or maybe that's just me????

Take care y'all, missing you loads

Next time Bolivia, cycling the Worlds Most Dangerous Road (finally a claim to fame worthy of the name), premature ejaculation and the Inca Trail. That should keep you guessing........

TTFN

Paul XXX