Pensive with Pema in Panajachel :)

THANK GOD THE RAIN HAS STOPPED!!!

First, a report of change in itinerary (for those who have my itinerary draft and have been charged with making sure I don´t go missing).  Today and tonight I am in Panajachel, which is just across the lake from San Pedro.  I will be here for tonight and then heading to Antigua (same hotel as on the itinerary) tomorrow for 2 nights (via a shuttle).  Then to Guatemala City at Dos Lunas (ugh...) for one night - mainly to have somewhere to ditch all the stuff I have purchased and all the stuff I brought but really don´t need (or want to carry).  Then I will be skipping Coban and instead heading for Livingston for a night (same hotel in Livingston I planned to stay at later).  Then up to Finca Ixobel - and as far as I know the itinerary is accurate from there on (but always subject to change).

I said - NOOOOO, (and if I was still an adolescent, I would have said, DUHHH!!).

The story of how I got to Panajachel is interesting and I´m quite proud of myself for maintaining a good attitude.  Mainly it is the problem of RAIN that made the trip difficult.  It has been pouring here, with brief breaks, for a couple of days.  The problem today was that I had to get to Pana in time to find a hotel and then find a bank that´s open on Saturday to change travelers checks - before the banks close at noon.  This is because the (THE ONE) bank in San Pedro will only change 8 checks per month - and since I brought $20 checks, this is not a whole lot of money.  This - and for some reason it is taking a lot of time (until Monday) for my money to transfer at the bank.  Aye.  But I made it - walked about 30 minutes with my pack through the little pathways I (used to) love in San Pedro.  What I learned is that because these pathways are dirt, they become more like little streams when it rains for days.  I got to the dock, soaking wet, and thankfully a boat to Pana was leaving right then.  The boat driver kept telling me to hurry up, and I kept trying to tell him I needed to walk slowly because I didn´t want to fall.  He was not very patient.  And - all of this without coffee as I only had 2 100Q bills and no-one in San Pedro seemed to be able to make change for 100 last night or this morning.  I was quite the trooper!  (I think the hour I spent laying in bed dreading the prospect of it was all of the bad-attitude I could muster for the morning).

But got in the lancha - and, because it is the rainy season here now officially - they have plastic tarps to cover the front of the boat.  And - the last seat was on the front seat of the boat - (recall my earlier lesson about the front seat of la lancha) - so I braced myself - but the lake was really smooth and I think he was driving slower because of the rain.  That and I think most of the time he could not really see where we were going because he didn´t want to get soaked - so just peaked his head out the side of the boat.  But made it here - got a room for $5 and spent the whole day browsing (and buying stuff at) all of the little road side market stalls on Calle Santander.  That - after I found what my Rough Guide calls the best coffee place on the lake - actually had a hot latte which I was very excited about.  All of my belongings are now strewn about my little room drying out.

Splurged ($35) on a beautiful wool jacket - they make a lot of things with wool (and I suppose raise lots of sheep) up in Momostenango - and they I guess bring it in here.  It´s blue with some nice embroidery on it.  A little hard to justify a wool coat for Atlanta - as one can only wear something like this 3-4 months of the year - but it is beautiful!

Spent a lot of time the last couple of days in my little bungalow in San Pedro - (did I ever tell you I did get to change bungalows to a nicer one) - drinking tea, reading Pema Chodron, studying my spanish, and just sitting around - and when it cleared up for a couple of minutes enjoying my little hammock.  It was fun to lay in my hammock and just look up into the tree to see what sort of birds visited.  Most of the birds I have seen here so far (minus 2) have been pretty regular - bird colors (by which I mean non-tropical looking) but they have pretty crazy songs they sing - quite different from home.

Here´s a little Pema Chodron that I have appreciated - in case you are feeling reflective and Buddhist-like.

"We talk about enlightenment as if it´s a big accomplishment.  Basically, it has to do with relaxing and finding out what you already have."

and another:

"Whether it´s connecting with the genuine heart of sadness and the messy areas of our liveas, or connecting with vision and expansion, and openness, what´s real is all included in well-being - it´s all included in joy.  Joy is not about pleasure as opposed to pain or cheefulness as opposed to sadness.  Joy includes everything.¨

And yes - I am thinking of converting to Buddhism!  :)

Yesterday my little trip to Santiago Atitlan was canceled (by me) due to rain.  But the day before I got to sneak in a trip to San Marcos (but I think I already wrote about that).

This time-change thing in Guatemala has been quite confusing - as some places have not changed their clocks (not that they just forgot, they´re just resisting).  I just learned yesterday that my school didn´t change their time and that clarified for me what was a bit of a confusing week regarding the time.  Their reason for not wanting to change is because the students don´t want to wake up so early.  But I´m not sure they get that the students would be going to bed an hour earlier as well - I don´t know - beyond me.

Learned last week that my teacher at Corozon Maya - did not go to college because it is too expensive.  Putting that together with the fact that my teacher in Xela had what I think would be the equivalent to a masters degree in psychology (or Ph.D - Im not sure) but that there are not jobs even in the city for people with such education (therefore she is teaching spanish).  Most of the money, somewhat in Xela, but definitely here on the Lake - seems to come from tourist dollars.  This makes me oh so very aware of the amount of privilege I have - having 10 years of post-highschool higher education - and living in a country where (hopefully) I will have a job that pays something somewhat commensurate with my education (although as a social worker for a couple of years anyways this will not be the case either).

In some senses my intial response is to feel hopeless for folks here - but that feels too patronizing or paternalistic or egocentric - or something.  Trying to work out being aware of my own privilege (and how in many ways, especially as a U.S. citizen, this rests on the under-privilege of much of the world) and also the dignity and beauty and struggle and fight for all these things that is so much a part of life in this culture.  I don´t know if that makes any sense - I am still trying to put words to express exactly what I´ve been thinking about and feeling.

Also what I´ve been thinking of is ¨things for which I am thankful¨.  This is a ¨discipline¨ I took on at the suggestion of Fay, one of my spiritual directors (out at Greenbough).  I remember one day talking with her for about 45 minutes (about loss, grief, a sense of not having any control over parts of my life, etc.) and her just asking me after that - do you ever think about the things that you are grtateful for?  It made me crack up laughing - I said - NOOOOO, (and if I was still an adolescent, I would have said, DUHHH!!).  Since then I have, when I am feeling sad or hopeless, started writing down the things I am thankful for - and the #thing at the moment is that in the US I can flush toilet paper.  (Here there´s a bin at the side of every toilet for the tp).  I don´t know how many times I have forgotten and then worried that my tp was going to clog some pipes.  Most bathrooms here have big signs reminding  you to not flush the tp!  As you can see, for me it is helpful to think of both the big and the small things for which I can embrace a sense of gratefulness!  Also on the list is the fact that I brought a big-enough bottle of hand-sanitizer!

Sorry no pictures to upload this time - this computer is pressed against the wall and I can´t get to the USB hookup.  Off to - I´m not sure what!  More from Antigua!