¡VIVA MÉXICO CABRONES!

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We checked in to Hotel Isabel in the Centro Histórico district, and it seemed like a fine establishment (although we did have to share a matrimonial bed which led to matrimonial squabbling and ‘accidental’ kicking) – we even had cable TV to watch Legally Blonde! But the place was miserably dark and a bit unfriendly, a case in point being the episode of getting locked in to the shared bathroom because some other guest thought it would be funny. So after 2 nights, having ruled out the hostel-cum-Quaker house in the red light district, we moved next door to Hostal Amigo, which lived up to its name and was super friendly, particularly our gregarious barman, Gerardo, who served up fluorescent blue cocktails he’d invented himself called the ‘freaky smurf’ and fluorescent green mojitos…the first time I ordered a mojito I asked him why it was glowing in the dark and he bellowed in my face ‘JUST SHUT UP AND TRY IT!!’ Gerardo was also renowned for his habit of going round pouring free tequila down everyone’s throats until it was impossible to swallow any more, hence the sticky computer keyboards, and as an Independence Day treat he pinned us down and painted the Mexican flag on our cheeks.

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Our days in the big city were spent flitting from art museum to art museum, the most memorable of these being the Diego Rivera mural museum displaying a huge mural depicting a dream of the Alameda Central packed full of historical figures, with Diego himself as a child in the centre holding Frida Kahlo’s hand. What with our limited knowledge of Mexican history, it was useful to have a detailed chronology of who each of the 100 or so figures represented. Near the highest tower in Latin America, which we scaled (admittedly by lift), we visited another interesting museo, in the Palacio de Bellas Artes, a grand old building housing murals of various artists, including one which showed the inequalities of capitalism on one side and a highly idealised version of socialism on the other. Our visit to the Cultural Centre fed our desires for future worldly travels, with exhibitions of most of the major continents complete with stunning photographs and tribal artefacts…Africa, Australia and South East Asia next?

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2 days were taken up with the manifold delights of Bosque Chapultepec, DF’s largest park (4 km sq – hardly any walkable grass…nothing like London’s luscious green spaces). First up here was the enormous anthropology museum, so huge that we only chose a few salas to focus on – indigenous cultures, Mexican anthropology and Teotihuacan, the Mexican one being the most comprehensive and interesting, packed full of items from ruins around Mexico City, including the famous sun stone altar that stretched from floor to high ceiling, and information on the Aztec gods such as Quetzalcoatl, the beplumed serpent. Next, we raced to the zoo for the sole purpose of seeing the Xoloitzcuintle in the flesh – these crazy hairless dogs we’d read about in the guidebook. Native to Mexico, they are the only prehispanic dog species still in existence, sacred to the Aztecs yet also eaten by them. They are hideously butterz creatures with their pig-like black hides and pathetic tufts of hair on head and paws only, sitting around scratching their flea-ridden flanks. As a pleasing contrast to the sight of God’s mistake, we climbed up to a castle to drink in the peaceful beauty of the gardens there, at a good vantage point to observe the park in its entirety.

LONDON TOWN!
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Our second Bosque day was largely spent on a wild goose chase trying to find the fabled feria (theme park/fairground) where the niños of DF play, and saw us crossing treacherous lanes of traffic on the nearby highway amid numerous catcalls. We found ourselves to be the only gringos there, doubtless exceeding the height restrictions for many of the rides. After a rickety wooden rollercoaster experience where we could hear the contraption straining to carry our weight and feel our necks crack on each downward loop, a painful ‘love plane’ ride where Laura was repeatedly hurled against me and the metal bar (still got a bruised hip!) and various topsy turvy rides, I was feeling a tad queasy so we went for a health-boosting meal at La Buena Tierra, DF’s answer to 100% Natural. Tasty tasty. Unjustly, the national dish is ‘chiles en nogada,’ stuffed chillies containing 30 ingredients including WALNUT sauce, so Laura sampled this delicacy but this time she did not try to poison me.

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On the way home one day I decided to visit the witchcraft market, La Sonora, to see how it compared to the Bolivian ones. I spent about an hour there wandering down tiny alleyways lined with candles, potions, dead hummingbirds, what I thought were Barbie dolls, but on closer inspection turned out to be mini skeletons in doll dresses, and huge sacks of herbs billed as cures for ailments ranging from baldness to diabetes. I hung around one stall for a while listening to a suited businessman explain in detail his marital problems to one of the sellers, and have a lengthy consultation about which candles to burn/amulets to buy to make his wife want to sleep with him again. On my second visit to La Sonora, I took one pathway and found myself in an animals section…this was insane – there were little chicks with dyed neon feathers, tanks with literally hundreds of snakes, terrapins and iguanas all writhing on top of each other, green lizards painted with red and white for Independence Day…even goats and little puppies with shaved backs, which I was assured was stylish. Tempting though it was to buy a family of terrapins for 50 pesos (about £2.50), I was unconvinced by the stallholder’s offer to sell me a ‘certificate’ ensuring their safe passage through E.U customs, and left empty handed.

Rebecca's butterz traditional shrimps dish
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The rest of our time in the capital was spent eating unbeatable street food and shopping, both in the artesanía (handicrafts) markets and the more boutiquey clothing shops…shamefully, the changing room attendant at Zara pointed out that she’d seen me there before as I went to try on yet more frivolous items while sporting my new Zara jeans. As we travelled from place to place on the metro we noticed how much more efficient it was than the Tube – 2 pesos (10p) will buy you a ticket ANYWHERE, no messing around with zones, trains come every few seconds, and at rush hour there is a separate carriage reserved for women and children only. Novel concept! No octopus hands or lewd mutterings, always containing the word ‘guera’ – a term we only encountered in Mexico City, which is similar to ‘gringa,’ but Gerardo informed me that it can have more sexual connotations and means blonde American bimbo. One of the strangest things someone said to me was ‘hola guera hello beautiful disco disco with me’ ??

art museum... cigar box tomb
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The leadup to Día de la Independencia, celebrated on Sat-Sun 16^th, meant that the city was even more crowded than usual, and charged with a crazy energy, the greatest concentration being in the zócalo (one of the biggest squares in the world), which we passed through several times a day, dotted with food vendors of every kind (gorditas – literally ‘fatties’ – mini sweet pancakes, sincronizadas – cheese and ham crepes, sugared tamarinds, caramelised bananas…) There were hundreds of candy floss stalls dotted around, and because of the wind, wisps of pink and blue candy floss were flying everywhere; children with flashing toy light sabres (every flashing toy imaginable was on sale) were waving them in the air to catch the candy floss. Once we even stumbled across a ‘lucha libre.’ This was a wrestling tournament with a twist – 6 contestants up against each other at the same time, all trussed up in flamboyant outfits representing good versus evil…so the ‘evil’ ones break all the rules, using objects to hit their opponents/hurl them out of the ring into the roaring spectators. As a general rule I would say I’m a non-violent person but this was so clearly jokes that I found myself shouting along with everyone and saying ‘I want to see blood!’ The culmination of all the revelry was on Saturday night close to midnight when the president came out onto a balcony overlooking the zócalo and made an impassioned speech ending in ‘¡VIVA MÉXICO!’ 3 times. The crowd went wild, blowing horns, cheering, all with flashing red, green and white accessories and sombreros with ‘¡Viva México Cabrones!’ written on them (a line from a famous Mexican rap song by Molotov). Then commenced the splendid fireworks display lighting up the whole sky behind the main cathedral…the excitement in the air was palpable!

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On our last day (of the whole 5 month trip!) we visited the ruins at Teotihuacan, where stood the third largest pyramid in the world, the Pyramid of the Sun, which Laura climbed in mere minutes. There was also the Pyramid of the Moon and the Temple of the Quetzal Butterflies with impressive carvings of the god Quetzalcoatl in butterfly form. Unfortunately, we had to race through the ruins in an hour and a half (record time for me so far) as Larissa, our Australian roommate, had a flight to catch later that day, but there wasn’t as much to see there as at sites like Tikal and Palenque. In the evening, after yet more shopping, Laura surprised me with the gift of all time…a catdawg piñata, FILLED WITH SWEETS!!! She learn. Catdog had been a joke since the pampas tour in Bolivia, when such an animal crossed our path. When we asked our guide whether it was a cat or a dog, he said ‘gatoperro.’ Which family does it come from? The catdog family. Fuelled by rum and coke, with our Kiwi roommate we took turns beating it first with my new hairbrush (which Laura broke in two), then my toothbrush, then fork and toothbrush combined. Eventually poor catdawg’s head exploded and out came the candies – m&m’s, marshmallows and lollipops. Using a lighter, we toasted the marshmallows on the fork. Good times…