Tommy Gun - The Clash

Thailand Ko Samui 026
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Ko Samui – 4-13-07

Happy New Year! Well, if you were in Thailand it would be and believe me it’s almost impossible not to enjoy the Thai New Year’s festival. I had no idea their New Years was April 13th, the day I was to fly out to Singapore. I wish I did because I definitely would have stayed longer. Luckily the water festival starts the night before so I saw a bunch anyway. I’d heard hints and whispers about wearing a bathing suit and bringing no electronics with you on the streets. Huh? What kind of New Years is that, I thought. Well I found out soon enough when I got a taste a few hours early. While walking the main street to grab lunch a bucket of ice cold water was dumped on my head. A dozen laughing children then attacked me with super soaker water pistols. A surprised brrrr, but smiling and laughing just the same. Water festival, get it now? Oh yeah, I understood completely. It’s a Buddhist thing to wash away their sins. Whatever the origins, it’s a lot of fun. So that night I break out the dry bags for camera and money, wear a quick-dry shirt, surf shorts, sandals and head out expecting to see the local teenagers attacking willing tourists. Umm, no again.

Thailand Ko Samui bungalow
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It was bedlam, mass hysteria, fire and brimstone, dogs and cats sleeping together, basically the worst parts of the bible. Okay, I let my Bill Murray fandom get the best of me there but it really was one of the craziest things I’ve ever seen. Imagine a town the size of Gerritsen Beach all arming themselves with big old super duper soaking blaster water guns, hoses, pails, buckets and cups; then lining the avenue and attacking any car, scooter (especially scooters, oh they hate the scooters man, seriously those poor darn scooter drivers I really pity) or person that wanders by. Then of course they turn on each other. Early in the night it was just attack those pedestrians also with a weapon, but oh no the bloodlust couldn’t contain itself and soon no one was safe. It was awesome.

Thailand Ko Samui beach
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It really did have it all. Cowards from above with those darn buckets on Pizza Hut balconies. Musclehead Germans getting their arses whooped by ten year old kids hiding in phone booths. Transgender Thais attempting a full frontal assault (which I really didn’t need to see) on a bunch of drunken Brits in an outdoor pub. The whole town was absolutely dripping. Me? Yeah, I was soaked but as I mentioned fully prepared with camera to document the madness. I claimed NCO status early, that’s non-combatant observer to you folks that haven’t watched enough war movies, but was forced into a few engagements to defend myself. That 14 year old from Canada will rue the day he messed with this ‘old man’ let me just say. The best line of the night came from a drunken Brit as a guy wearing a FRANCE t-shirt walked by. ‘France? We’re Americans, we HATE France.’ And unleashed on the guy. He turned back to me smiling. I was on the floor, in a puddle, laughing my patriotic butt off. But the best, the absolute funniest, were those idiots who neither knew nor refused to believe they would become a part of it, walk by in fancy club clothes (Eurotrash is my guess), totally drenched and completely ticked off about it. And when they growled while being sprayed again in the face it only made you laugh louder.  I'm giggling again just thinking about it.

Thailand Ko Samui 031
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Oh, as for Ko Samui. Pretty beach, nice island, way too touristy. Who cares, I was there for one of the best damn festivals ever so I love the place. Genius really, and when I left for the airport there were even MORE people in the streets going nuts. Brilliant. I think we should move our New Year’s Celebration to July and reproduce it in the middle of Times Square. Of course there’s the worry of confusing real guns with the water pistolas, but that’s the fun of NY too I guess. Anyway I could not have picked a better send-off to Thailand, especially after all that whining in Railay. Next stop, Singapore Slinging for a couple of days.