The beginning

Bolo and me
see all photos »

This was the day the captain went crazy. Or maybe it was the night before. Either way, July 29th was the beginning of a long spiral towards ridiculousness.

Early in the wee hours of the morn, we got bored on watch and decided to start a practical joke war. The whole thing started so innocently. We pulled out a screwdriver and changed up the placards for the bathroom and someone's cabin number (his name was Bolo). Not too bad, right? But then that someone got pissed and on his next watch (which just happened to immediately follow ours) moved all the clocks on the boat one hour ahead. And then he woke up our mate (Magda) for watch...seemingly on time but kind of late. She looked at her watch, which hadn't been changed, and got all confused saying she's going back to sleep. But when Bolo showed her another ship clock, she was convinced and began getting ready for her night watch. She only realized the joke after waking some of us up and looking at the clocks in our cabins. Understandably, she was pissed.

July 29th was the beginning of a long spiral towards ridiculousness

The captain and his lima beans
see all photos »

You'd think the captain would mind, right? You know, his crew getting completely out of hand, treating this race as if it wasn't important at all. Nope, he got into it himself. In his contribution to the practical joke war, he tied up Magda's shoes on the highest sail while she was napping. And while he was up there, he introduced another sail--composed of a sheet--at the highest point one could attach ropes. Imagine this Santa Claus-looking man climbing the rigging in his wife's makeup, with a little kerchief on his head. Oh, I forgot to mention that part.

How sailing should be
see all photos »

Earlier in the day, I came up on-deck to get some fresh air and what do I see? The captain is applying his wife's makeup in the weirdest way. I mean, I'm not one to talk since I've worn makeup I think twice in my life. But I'm still pretty sure that eye shadow doesn't go on your cheeks. Well, it did on the captain's! And then he posed with his really smelly lima beens and a babushka kerchief for a picture. About the lima beans, he asked us to cook them for him once in a while and they badly smelled up the whole boat. Awful.

The captain in his natural state, that is, angry
see all photos »

And back to the sailing part...We kept going at like 1 knot cuz the winds were awful til the race organizers finally called off this leg of the trip and everyone fired up their engines. The weather forecasts were not favorable for the onset of wind and it appeared that no one would make it Denmark in time for the festival to begin. So they just said, "The hell with this," and all was good.

Boredom and revenge striking once again, Magda and our watch decided to get Bolo back for his early wake-up call which was not very well appreciated. So while he was sleeping in the mess hall, we decided to feign an emergency and pretend to be scared shitless thinking we're going to get run-over by a boat. It came to me to wake him up and in his drowsiness he kept telling us to wake up other people. First he said to go get the captain. In my best scared-shitless-voice and quivering tone, I said the captain had gotten fed up and simply said, "The hell with this!" and went back to bed. Then it was the bosman and the cook and I told him they weren't getting up cuz they were passed out drunk. So finally Bolo realized that it had come to him to save the day. He got up, with his blanket covering his front, and holding the pillow to his ass and stumbled up to the deck. At this point, I couldn't contain my laughter anymore and just started cracking up. The look on his face was priceless and I wish I had a picture. He was one mad mofo.

Among all these jokes there was the usual waking people up for colors in the meanest way possible, such as blasting screeching music on the PA, or running around banging on pots and pans. But that was nothing compared to the jokes we played throughout the rest of the trip.