Cambodia to Ko Chang

We have just four days to go before we return to the UK. We are back in Bangkok. Not really doing much. We really don’t have the inclination. Things are going to be so busy when we get back it’s nice just to laze about a bit. Vic has fired off a few job applications which is pretty impressive.

We are looking forward to coming back to the UK. Besides not having the money to travel any more, I’m not sure we would continue even if we did. It feels like we have been away for a lifetime! But more importantly it feels like it’s the right time to come home. Not only because of family issues and our wedding, of course, but because we really feel we have got our minds back on-track. Watch out Britain – you’re about to have to cope with Vicky and Dan - reloaded!

150 kms took six hours in a bus-bumpathon that left you craving an out-of-body experience.

After Ho Chi Minh we hotfooted to Ko Chang, Thailand, only stopping for a few days in Siemreap, Cambodia to take in Angkor Wat for a morning. This may sound like a grotesquely short amount of time to spend oggling at one of the world’s wonders but it was all the energy we could muster in the 38 degrees heat! Some tourists buy a seven day pass to take in Angkor Wat and its fellow temples – but four or five hours was enough for us. That said, Angkor Wat was amazing. We saved it til last. Bayen temple too was very impressive. It’s impossible to imagine the amount of effort that must have gone into building these structures. Perhaps due to the enormity of the task, or perhaps due to the lack of contemplative opportunities afforded to us by the hordes of yapping Vietnamese and Korean tour groups that clog up every quiet corner. Hyperactive and disregarding of personal space, these groups are easily recognisable, not least by their matching caps bearing the devil’s mark “Saigon Tourist” – they are the wretched vermin of tourism.

We’d been warned about the road between Siemreap and the Cambodian / Thailand border. Apparently the airline company that enjoys the monopoly over flights into Siemreap has been successfully bribing the Cambodian authorities to leave the road totally unsurfaced – turning a 150 kilometre journey into a six hour bus-bumpathon that leaves you craving for an out-of-body experience. The air-conditioning broke, so the windows had to come open, allowing the plooms of disturbed road-dust to coat ever square-inch of exposed skin. When we finally reached the border the blessed wet-wipes came out.... ahhhh wet wipes!

It was great to be back in Thailand. We looked forward to our first green beef curry in ages – as well as the other culinary treats that we’d missed. However, one thing we’d forgotten about Thailand was how expensive it was – especially compared with Vietnam... I know I’ve moaned quite a bit about Vietnam but the cost and quality of its hotels deserves a special mention. You get so much more for your money, in general, whereas in Thailand the same hotel would cost about 3 or 4 times the price.

We met a rather odd young couple from Melbourne on the bus from Siemreap – and it turned out they too were heading to Ko Chang. They didn’t have much to say for themselves – not something I would usually voice as a criticism but there was something else about them – a sort of accompanying smugness. She worked in a sweet shop and he had recently finished studying law. I struck up conversation saying that I found it difficult to distinguish between the New Zealand and Australian accent (always a winner, that one) – she found this very surprising, and yet she was unable to describe the difference herself. I made the joke about New Zealanders being famous for saying ‘fush and chups’ to which she immediately replied with a little furrowed brow of seriousness ‘If you said that to a New Zealander they would give you a smack’ – Nice of her to speak for all New Zealanders and nicer still to know that they, in her opinion, would be quick to respond violently to a well intended joke. I decided that she needed more winding up, if only to get some conversation and a modicum of entertainment on the four hour onward journey to Ko Chang, and as nationalist-based observations seemed to have stirred her up a bit I decided to stick with this theme. She really didn’t know what to make of my harsh criticisms of Israeli backpackers – I explained how they were only reinforcing their own stereotype by being so tight with their rupees and bahts, and how I had laughed when I saw a sign on the door of a Thai hostel saying ‘No Israelis’. I went on and on and on about them. Eventually I changed the subject to how annoying Germans were, but the conversation digressed into more palatable areas as I think Vicky sensed that the poor girl’s ‘political-correctness-monitor’ was going to explode.

Ko Chang was busy – it was the Thai new year – lots of falang tourists too though – and once we escaped them by heading further south we found a great place to stay called ‘The White House’ in an area called Bai Lan – it was only 1100 baht a night for an air-conditioned room – and our room also enjoyed a favourable corner position meaning we had two windows, of course – (room 27!) – the White House was run by a really friendly couple and it also boasted a serene infinity swimming pool which never seemed to get very busy. They also had bungalows near the pool for 1500 baht a night (with a TV) but we were happy with our room (and no TV!).

For some reason I’d been thinking about the Melbourne couple again. They had obviously done a runner at the nearest opportunity – most likely desperate to get away from my unrepentantly harsh observations about the human-race (probably worried about when I was going to start on Aussies!) – then it sort of crystallised in my mind – THEY HAD A SECRET. That was it. That smug quietness. Behind it was a secret. A secret they seemed to enjoy retaining and perpetuating. Then they walked past me! Yes, by a complete coincidence they had chosen the same place to stay out of 100s if not 1000s on the island! Magic !!!!!!! They pretended not to notice me and I pretended not to notice them...

The following morning I was reading a book about Australian house-shares in the 1990s called ‘He died with a falafel in his hands’ by John Birmingham. He mentioned ‘goths’. “THAT’S IT!!!!!”, I thought, “Vicky ... Vicky ... that couple from Melbourne ... they were GOTHS ON HOLIDAY!”, I declared loudly over breakfast.

Looking back – it all fitted. Vicky had noted that they had dyed black hair. They were both very pale. And, well Australia is full of goths, who, by the way, I have to rate even lower than Vietnamese and Korean tour groups on my misanthropist’s scale. It would explain the separatist vibe, and the rather strange looks I received when I talked about the ‘folly’ of ‘wanting to belong to a club’ – If only I had realised there and then that they were members of one of the worst clubs in the world. The goth club. Or the 'woe-is-me-I-look-like-a-corpse club'.  Goths are worth reinventing the gas-showers for. I’d seen them all over Australia, hanging around outside 7-11 stores, trying to intimidate passers-by.  Apart from Robert Smith (who, let's face it was a stage performer), there are no goths over the age of 25.  Think on these things, goth-readers.  Red cheeks are in the post.

We went to sit by the pool. The goths-on-holiday were already in the pool. I noticed there were no towels on any sun loungers. Male goth caught my eye. He was the nicer of the pair.

“Hello.”, he said.

“Watch out you two – you might get a tan!”, I replied (the most irritating thing I could think of saying at the time), “How are you both – fancy seeing you here!”  Female goth looked devastated – their little secret was out. I had burst their little goth-bubble.  They checked out the next day. HA ha ha ha ha. We had the pool to ourselves mostly after that.

Without goths to taunt we needed to find other activities to keep us (well, me) out of mischief so we hired a motorbike and looped clockwise round the whole island. Not an easy thing to do as the road stops short of a complete loop on the southern part of the island. Undeterred, we managed to load our motorbike into a tiny motor boat and paid a chap 700 baht for the hour journey to where the road started again. (We were a bit motorbiked out by that stage and didn’t fancy backtracking our journey by road). It felt really cheeky to load a hired motorbike into a boat – and then motor it up the beach to rejoin the road – it was a great sense of achievement though! Made us feel a little bit like Ewan McGregor and Charlie Boreman off Long Way Round – although we felll considerably short of circumnavigating the entire world by motorcycle, as they did!

After six days in Ko Chang we got bored. We couldn’t be arsed to go on an elephant safari with a bunch of other falang half-wits so we took the ferry back to the mainland and headed up to Bangkok.

We are staying in Sukhumvit, an area noted for its plethora of cheap hotels. We found a nice (but not that cheap) hotel with a pool and AC – a must for a final few days here- our tans still need a lot of work – heheh – the area is a bit over-run with go-go bars and lots of single male tourists running around girls half their age and a third of their weight. We actually encountered a Christian Evangelist preacher shouting a fire and brimstone warning at the hordes of hedonists propping up bars just round the corner from our hotel. Nobody was shouting back at the preacher however, as God had endowed him with the face and physique of an international rugby player.

The taxi drivers here are unbelievable. They will try and charge you 700 baht for a 70 baht fare. They are all used to newbie falang who will unquestioningly pay ten times the going metre rate and refuse to take Vicky and I anywhere on the metre as a result – knowing that if they hold out for a bit longer some numpty will come staggering their way needing a ride. The restaurants here in Sukhumvit also are over-priced. That said, if you take the skytrain at Nana station and head two stops east to Sukhumvit 24, then walk 200 metres along, you’ll find a right turn that’s a dead end street with a few bars and restaurants on it – last on the left is a place serving up the finest SUSHI either of us have ever tasted. Not sure what it’s called (only in Japanese) – but try and find this place if you are a SUSHI lover – you will be so glad you did!

So anyway – last few days in Bangkok – then onto Singapore – then back to Birmingham! And yes, we really are looking forward to coming home! We really have got this ‘wanderlust’ out of our systems ....... for now anyway. Ask me again after a few weeks back in the UK ;-)

See you all soon guys and gals!!!!