Simcoe and the Norfolk County Fair

An over-excited Archie - just before his head exploded!
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The drive from Niagara to Simcoe in the middle of Norfolk County took two hours. While the boys fought in the back and Sam drifted in and out of consciousness (head lolling and mouth leaking onto her t-shirt) I enjoyed escaping city life, driving through fields of pumpkins (well not ‘through’, more like ‘past’ - although ‘through’ would have been fun too) and small communities where every porch was full of aforementioned pumpkins. Canada is Hallowe’en crazy. Even when we arrived, nearly a month ago the shops and magazines were full of it and houses were beginning to be decorated. Just like the crazy people in the UK who get the Christmas lights out in October, it’s all about the run up to the event and not the event itself, which, let’s face it, can only last about 6 hours. Anyway, with that and the fact that the trees are now well into the autumn change, the leaves turning an amazing kaleidoscope of reds and oranges, the journey was very pleasant.

Bored with the Demolition Derby, the crowd turns their attention to the race for the car park exit
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Which is more than could be said for our motel room. The first time we have not used Tripadvisor.com to book a room in years and the first time we have been let down. The room smelt damp, the mattresses sank and the decor was from 1970’s Bradford (and 80’s and 90’s for that matter). But if we were to attend the Norfolk County Fair, which we had bought 2-day tickets for we had no option but to put up with it as everything else was well outside our budget.

Monster trucks and Beastly bedrooms

The pumpkin competition was so popular it caused a giant squash - geddit!?
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The fair is an annual chance for the folk of Simcoe and the surrounding areas to convene, show off their expertise in various pursuits such as farming, cooking, craft and photography, compare terrible haircuts, fashion disasters and birth defects caused by inter-breeding. Actually, as Sam described it, the whole event was ‘really sweet’. But with the total absence of alcohol on site I described it as ‘really painful’.

No, I’m being unfair again. We did in fact have a good time. Despite the fact that most entries in the photography competition had the date imprinted in the corner by the camera, despite that fact you could ONLY buy junk food (even though a large area of the fair was dedicated to wonderful displays of livestock, fruit and vegetables) and despite the huge halls full of jacuzzi and double glazing stalls, farm machinery sales, anti-abortionist and political lobby groups, and the dreaded.........CRAFT stalls, encompassing weaving, pottery, jam and quilts (and oh how we laughed at the painting competition). Yes, despite all this, we had in fact a great time because of the fair’s three trump cards - the fairground, the demolition derby and the monster truck rally.

AND THEY'RE OFF!......man with big butcher's knife waits just out or shot
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Held on separate evenings, the derby and trucks appealed to man’s, boy’s and women’s baser instincts. Deafening engines, smells of fuel and burning rubber and the crowds roaring at every crash, smash and ball of fiery twisted metal. The air was heavy with testosterone, men grew hair on their foreheads, children’s voices broke and women grew beards as we watched (Sam left my razor in a right mess later that evening). Stan and Archie, almost puking with excitement, had the time of their lives. As they did at the fairground. Having spent some of their personal trip money on ‘unlimited ride’ wristbands they performed a marathon 6 hour ride-a-thon where no carousel, no slide, no pirate ship was left unridden (at least 6 times). From the tamest of baby rides to adult rides (so scary they remained empty most of the time) they sprinted leaving Sam and I choking in their dust until, having managed to distract them with their first ever candy floss, we bundled them into the back of the car and back to our vile motel before leaving to return to Toronto the next morning.