Pyramid Schemes

The thought of spending four more days with Ahmed made me cringe. On one hand, it was good to be with a local because of greater access and inside knowledge. On the other hand, he invaded my personal space and comfort at every turn. He also started asking me 'Ahmed good man?' as frequently as 'You happy?' I can't say which question was the more annoying of the two. My second night, I sent out an email plea to some family and friends, just so I could hear a familiar voice. My dear friend, Andrea, called from San Diego that night. We talked about normal things, like her daughter Bentley, and the following day seemed more manageable.

That night, I slept poorly because I was busily concocting the lies that would allow me to escape Ahmed for the next three days. My imaginary husband provided the perfect excuse yet again. I said that he had called me the night before as a surprise from the ship. Unfortunately, though, there was an urgent family matter which might cut my trip short and which precluded the luxury of my having a personal guide in Cairo.

I had paid for the trip to the Pyramids the night before, but only carried 100 Egyptian pounds with me for the day (about 20 bucks). The Lonely Planet gave me an idea of how much was reasonable for a camel ride and pyramid entrance fees so I was not about to be scammed. The author warned that camel owners are an unscrupulous lot, but it turned out that the price I paid was reasonable.

I sat with Ahmed and the camel owners for a few minutes as we waited for a camel to arrive. As I jumped on the first one (side saddle - not an easy feat), it started freaking out and making a noise I hope to never hear again. Consequently, the camel owner started screaming at the camel guide in Arabic. The general tone of the Arabic language sounds angry so I kept a poker face through the whole thing. However, on the inside I listed the names of friends and family to remain calm.

The second camel (a male called Mish Mish) was much more agreeable and he carried me for a 90-minute ride around the pyramids. It might be a week before I can sit comfortably again, but the experience was worth the discomfort. My guide (Ali) took strategic photos throughout the ride around the perimeter of the nine pyramids of Giza. He warned me not to talk with any of the numerous touts or vendors around the structures. I was approached by at least 20 on my way to enter the second pyramid (Khafre). Ignoring them, I ducked down into the long corridor to find the tomb within. This was not for the claustrophobic: people crammed inside the poorly lit stairs. By the time you reach the tomb, interesting as it was, all you can think of is escaping the heat (about 100 degrees). At least I can say that I've seen the inside of one of the wonders of the world.

I came to a conclusion similar to what many authors have stated: the Pyramids are awesome structures, but the scourge of hustlers distracts from their grandeur. It's like dealing with unshakeable telemarketers and car salesmen every ten seconds. I wouldn't recommend a solo trip to anyone, male or female. Nonetheless, it was a once-in-a-lifetime experience.

Let me digress for a moment about an Egyptian custom called baksheesh, which I grew to despise within seconds. It's American tipping to the 10th degree. Basically, if someone opens a door for you, you're supposed to tip them for their trouble. This does not fit with my idea of the peaceful Muslim culture at all. No action can be taken as genuine in this light and it gives the impression that every person is disingenous. Over the past four days, I can honestly say that there were three or four Egyptians who I believed did things out of the goodness of their hearts. I realize that I am imposing Western values in the Middle East. Nonetheless, even though I respect their culture, I don't have to like for one second.

Because I had given most of my remaining cash for the pyramid entrance fees and consequent baksheesh, I had little left for further tips at the Saqqara and Memphis sites. Saqqara features tombs of pharoahs and the famous Step Pyramid. It's another must-see. I was guideless there, constantly followed by more vultures. To be fair, I told one man within 30 seconds of his 'tour' that I had no cash with me for baksheesh. He reacted as if I had insulted his mother. It's not like he gave me an useful information anyway. From that point on, I informed people immediately that I had no money with me. Only one bothered to speak to me then and he graciously showed me a few tombs. It was his duty to guard these monuments as part of his military service and he insisted on my staying close. So I followed him obediently since it's my general policy to defer to the men wielding guns.

From Saqqara, Ahmed drove me to a 'Carpet School' to see some children in training. This was the scam of the day and I listened patiently to my guide go on about the ornate stitching, different materials and years of practice. They truly were stunning works, but nothing I would ever own. I said 'no' without compunction again and pissed off yet another Egyptian man whose sense of entitlement irked me.

The last stop of the day was the Memphis Museum, which houses an immense statue of Ramses from 1290 B.C., the Alabaster Sphinx and other statues (all soldiers with their left foot forward, ready for battle). I tried a new strategy to avoid the masses: pretending to speak French. It smoothed the way for my short visit.

Following that, I gave Ahmed the last of his baksheesh and ventured out on my own for the first time in Cairo. I endured minor harassment to go to my now favorite hangout, the Felfela Takeaway. Then my hotel provided shelter for the next few hours. Naps have been a daily occurrence in Cairo, perhaps because of the overstimulation. It takes a lot of energy when you're growing so much anyway, right?

That night, I decided to venture out to the Nile Hilton. A friend had recommended it as a sanctuary of sorts from the harsh Egyptian culture. It includes a French pub and internet cafe, where I thought I could encounter fellow travlers. The walk (less than a mile) instructed me about Egyptian men: they are as disgusting as they are reputed to be. Because I had been with Ahmed previously, they had left me alone. Without him, I have been leered at constantly and endured catcalls and stupid pickup lines. Where was my fictitious husband to save me? There must be some decent men out there; however, none of them walk the streets of downtown Cairo.

My walk to the Hilton was also my first experience crossing the street. Since there are few lights or lanes, doing so is a bit like a scene from the third 'Indiana Jones' movie. Indy had to take a 'leap of faith' to find a bridge to cross over to where a treasure was. Using any Egyptian I could find as my wingman, I would hold my breath while I navigated through cars and buses. Thankfully, this process has become much easier with practice.

Two days remain in my Cairo stint. I don't hate it, but I don't love it either. The sheer intensity has made for a fascinating three days. Now I know for sure that I have become a hard-core traveler.