is this for more than just the grind

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this was taken yesterday at the start of the Grind North Vancouver and the reason why i am saying is this for more than “The Grind” im sitting here now in Vancouver airport and well what is going on inside of me i think in someways once again my heart is breaking,

I am wondering what i am doing and why i have come to this yet again maybe it was a bad move to come here again this city has a prefound affect on me as it provides me with the feeling of where i want to be how i want to live and what i want in my life ....

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Here i am again though leaving again going down to LAX and out from there on what ever New Zealand bound NZ flight i can get on,

it pains me again to think that i am doing this to myself i have only been in the city for the last two days and not really had a full look around as i know there is so much more out there so much more to take in to see and to love ...

I need to know with in myself what do i want to be who do i want to be and in some ways i had hopped that this journey would provide me with the answers but i really do feel that one can not answer this with in ones self just by going on a journey i know i need to come back to Seattle i know i need to put some of my struggles to rest and fully put them in the past how will i do that ...

Hummm i think i need to come back alone and I need to just come right here and not via anywhere else i mean it is easy enough to that so i can always look at that .....