Lost in Training Translation

The ice skating rink built on one of the greens
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So for those of you who have not heard….I GOT A JOB!!!!!! I am working as a Midwife Assistant at the Cambridge University Hospital (Addenbrooke’s for those of you who know the area). It’s quite fantastic because in this country, the midwifes do as the obstetricians do in America, not including high-risk pregnancies. But they follow the care of the women and deliver the baby…so yea…I will be assisting in delivering babies! I don’t actually start on the ward until January, but I have been able to start training this week, which is just reiterating everything I have done for the past years that I worked in a hospital as a care technician. So, completely basic Health Care Assistant training. I have noticed that when we break into groups, I end up answering questions the whole time. Which I do not mind at all, I actually like it…but the other day I ended up getting my blood pressure taken in one arm while teaching a girl to find a pulse and walking her through doing it on someone else.  Kind of funny.

Lights along Mill Road, very festive!
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The differences are minimal in the systems, but are quite interesting to learn about. For example, simple things like temperatures are taken in Celcius (average temp is 35ish, so much for those Dentine ice commercials), food is measures in Energy, not calories (confusing because its essentially the same), liquid is recorded in mls not ccs (same thing, but Im used to the cubic centimeter in the hospital),  My favourite (for the sake of being momentarily British) is when the trainer said “we use something called alcohol swabs.” I completely forgot you cannot get alcohol for antiseptic purposes in this country!  There are so many tiny differences you don’t think it would matter, but it’s strange at times. All the systems seem to be the same for the most part, except for the care being free of course. One British girl was telling me that one of her friends went to America and it was weird because “in the hospital they have cashiers and it’s like cha-ching and you pay right there at the hospital like a check out in a grocery store.” I tried to explain that it wasn’t EXACTLY like that, but I did think that was a good one.

Johnnys are not hospital gowns in this country!

The feast with Judge folk. Yes we had plenty of leftovers...just like home!
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Since this is my first full out interaction with British folk, I am really starting to pick up some funny words…and have begun reading everything in an accent after I get home from work. Always fun! My favorites are the words that just don’t translate as well as you would hope. I was asking a question in class, and said something about johnnys, and the entire class’s face lit up as eyes widened. The trainer said, “I beg your pardon,” and I said “you know, the long gowns that people wear in the hospital,” and the whole class started laughing while the trainer grabbed his stomach and barreled over with a great “Oh!” Turns out those lovely flattering outfits we have all come to know and love as “johnnys” aren’t such in this country. Johnnys are what they call condoms! I think working in a maternity ward, that’s one word I might want to steer clear of. Imagine that…charged for disrespect of a patient due to of an American term for that heinous outfit we wear in the hospital!  That would be bad. Good thing I made the mistake in training. You should have seen some of the faces…Priceless. Also, apparently if you ask someone in this country to take off their pants…you are telling them to remove their underwear. Pants as we know them are trousers. Shirts are jumpers, unless they are button down, in which they are shirts or a blouse. Diapers are nappies, offices are surgeries and operating rooms are theatres (as in India, but that’s because they were taken over by Britain for so long!) The ER is "A&E (Accident and Emergency), we wait in queues (never lines!), you ring or phone someone, not call them, and when a session is over, its "do you have any enquiries?" (yes, spelled wrong) and we "straight away," which you all might have known.  And the best one of all is "Thanks" is "Cheers" (LOVE that). Oh this is going to be fun! Wait til I pull out the northeastern “wicked” and “Are you all set?” Those mean nothing here.  Today someone asked "can I help?" (no you) and I said, "oh, no I'm all set"...blank stare.  These things are very localized to the northeastern states.  Gotta love it.

Meanding around the new store in Cambridge
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So there are some interesting people in my training class. One girl is Ali G’s (also known as Borat) cousin (Jenn, thought you might appreciate that!) and another is supposedly a kickboxer and going to be in the Olympics in June. He goes for a run every day at lunch and runs in out of breath. He’s training apparently. He has a Superman S tatoo on his arm, so if you watch the Olympics this year and see a Brit with a Superman tattoo…might be him! Other interesting things about our class…Kickboxer boy mentioned that Lance Armstrong has a resting heart rate of 12…and the class went blank. Out of a class of 35 people….only THREE knew who Lance Armstrong was! I thought cycling was a European thing! They also always throw around these jockey’s names I have never heard of and to them they are all a big deal, these are their famous people. It’s like running into Mia Hamm I supposed…except this country is way smaller so it’s actually much more likely. If I had a famous patient on my ward…I would have no idea unless it was maybe Prince Charles, but that’s not likely to happen in the maternity ward, and I would just mistake him for the next guy with some form of bodyguards around...although that might actually tip me off. I just don’t understand though…I really did think cycling was a European thing…I mean it IS the Tour de France!

Wagamamas!! Our first visit..
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So now you must all be wondering how I trek my two miles to work and back each day. Well….as you are all well aware….I HATE MY BIKE! And I hate it even more now that it’s cold, sometimes a bit rainy, and longer to go, partially uphill and no pick up on the downhills. I rode my bike the very first day, and I pedal up this horrendous hill. It might not be that bad really, if you have fully inflated tires and a bike that functions without clicking out of place while riding. Try coming out of a stop light within traffic (yes that’s the way it works around here, you are like a car on a bike…you even have a lane) and having your pedal click out of place and slip under your foot…while you are along side cars trying to get a turn in before they get in your way. It’s awful. I like biking, don’t get me wrong, and I like the alternative way to get to work for sure (I don’t miss that green line T one bit), but I just wish my $120 mountain bike wasn’t such a stinker.

Along our road, in the fantastic winter lighting
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At first I really did think it was me, just terribly out of shape from hanging out writing essays for three months, but let’s be honest, when there are eight year old girls passing you with their Barbie backpacks on, you know its more than weak legs.  So….I started walking =) It’s nice though because there is a girl in my training, Katarina (from Slovakia who’s a nurse waiting for her paperwork) who lives near where I do, so we walk home together. Four miles never hurt anyone. She was very impressed with me being an American and knowing that Slovakia and Slovenia were two different countries. I tried to explain to her that it was because I had spent 23 hours on a train trying to figure out which country I was in from Croatia to Prague with my handy dandy Lonely Planet book, but she wasn’t having it…I’ll take the credit =) But as for walking, when the weather gets warmer and I actually have a locker to keep my things in…I might start running again. Me and my fabulous IPOD, love that bad boy. And Katarina will be working her own hours in Oncology by then, so I won’t even be ditching her. It’s a flawless plan!

Knocking over the festive tree for the winter fair (he didnt really)
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Ok enough about work…for now. Our Thanksgiving turned out pretty nicely after all. James pulled together a nice chicken, fantastically cooked (of course, AND his first roast I believe) and we had sweet potatoes, squash, brussel sprouts (James has mastered these to perfection, they are one of my favorite dishes), mashed pots, homemade gravy and awful boxed stuffing. It turned out well (besides the stuffing), but I did miss my family more than usual. I really had a hard time being so far away on my favorite holiday and the day I have NEVER missed being together with my family. It was the first and only time I have ever felt homesick still to date. Then on the weekend a fellow American cooked a fantastic feast for all to join, and we had our precious turkey (free range and all!) with a nice variety of what people thought might go with turkey (remember, many foreigners in this program). It was quite nice, really made up for missing everyone so much to get together and celebrate with people, but it wasn’t exactly the same. Let’s just say, the last time I can remember having salad with Thanksgiving dinner was….oh never. But we did have candy canes! Needless to say…Christmas is on its way.

Gross gross gross pork rinds (pork scratching...as real as they come with spices that make them worse)
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I decided not to decorate for Christmas since we are leaving here in about a week (CRAZY) to go to Morocco and then we will be in MA for a week (Jaym) or 2 (me)! So it’s just not worth the pounds to decorate and take down when we won’t even be here…but I really really cant wait for the Christmas lights, trees, and fun decorations. I haven’t seen one house decorated in Cambridge. There was, however, an ice skating rink that just popped up out of nowhere on one of the greens and one weekend there was a winter fair on our street which was quite festive.  It started on one end of the street and each shop had a different setup offering different things for the winter holiday season with a prize for the best window display. And since our street is quite an eclectic one, we ended up experiencing some bands, singers, churches, crafts, some people riding stationary bikes outsides (we thought possibly a charity??), some fantastic pork and leek sausages (leek is big over here), and some fantastic mulled wine, which is a warmed red wine with all sorts of spices in it giving it a warm wintery taste. It’s good.

Justyna (from Poland), me and Katarina from work
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We also discovered a bunch of new fun shops at the far end of our street, many charity shops and cheap stores (for the pound) and a store called Misfits, which is my personal favorite and has odd ball things inside and local artists’ art, clothing and jewelry for sale. Very cool. I'm actually going to try and place some of my photography in there. Since my activities had been minimal for a while…I have been on a hunt for places to hang my work around here. Found a couple dumpy pizza places, one nice café and then this Misfits place. Galleries don’t take photography unfortunately. Also, the hospital hangs quite a bit of artwork, which I have to contact them about, and its for sale. They have an “art walk” hallway…and it’s the size of the pike at the Brigham (for those of you there) and about ten times as long as any hallway at Mercy. Lets just say…its huge. The whole place is gigantic. Its got a shopping concourse in the entrance and a travel agency, hair dressers, dry cleaners, convenience stores and a fitness center on the premises…that’s how large this hospital is.   So…I have to contact the art people sometime soon as see if they are interested in my photos. But…I guess the first step would be to print some of my work! I don’t want to spend the money until there is potential to make it back! One day at a time…

Some of the photographs I have been working on...
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For those of you who want to try to run into me, I will be home from December 24^th until January 9^th, then I am stealing the little bro and coming back for some good times with my first visitor to Cambridge. I know….the New Year is sure to bring in plenty…but I am quite excited for Tom to visit me. We are going to have a great time, and we already have friends planning things for us to do while he is here. I think he might be the first Cambridge visitor outside of significant others that I have yet to notice in the program. It should be fun! And….I know I should not be telling you all this…but Tom is completely of age here! Yes that’s right, my little Tom is old enough to walk in a store and purchase his own freshly brewed beer. Jealous yet?!

I want to make this dress...for now I will photograph it!
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SEE YOU ALL SOOOON!!!!

To get in touch while I am home, call my house number.

Cheers!