Knowing Me, Knowing You

Bolivia's finest brew
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Flying away from South America, I was thinking back on my five months there.

The continent has a bit of an image of being full of gun-toting, drug-dealing bandits and/or scantily-clad, booty-shaking hedonists. Thankfully/disapointingly, neither are strictly accurate. So I decided to make a quick checklist of my time there:

-Number of long-distance buses taken: 30

- Number of internal planes: 4

18 hours from Buenos Aires to Puerto Madryn on this bus, no problem
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- Number of boats: 3

- Number of cars/4x4s: 3

- Number of bikes: 2 (World's Most Dangerous Road and Mendoza wine tour!)

Number of times I was robbed/stolen from: 0

Number of times I felt unsafe: 1 and a half (so probably less than at home).In my whole five months, I didn't have any problems at all, even wandering the streets of Buenos Aires at 4am or the narrow, unlit lanes of La Paz.

And now it's time to give out a few awards:

The Arkwright Award for Outstanding Customer Service: all of Bolivia. They've got it, you want it, but it's never quite that simple.

The Linda McCartney Memorial Urn For Marvellous Meat: El Solar Del Convento restaurant in Salta, Argentina - the juciest steak and red wine combo I've ever had. A welcome champagne and class service from bow-tied old school waiters topped the whole thing off, and all for less than a tenner.

The Sandra Bullock Cup for Best Long-Distance Buses: ViaTac (also known as Don Ott, Via Bariloche, Express Iguazu etc.), all over Argentina - the nearest I'll get to travelling First Class anytime soon, with a fully flat wide bed-seat with blanket and pillow, hot meals with wine and champagne, and decent films in English!

Runner-up is Cruz Del Sur, Peru: never before I have been video-recorded getting on a bus for security, or been given a travel toothbrush and toothpaste set for an overnight journey on a bus. Got fed up seeing 'Charlie's Angels II' pretty quickly though.

Colin McRae Golden Gamesmaster Joystick for Best Flight: staggeringly, it's a toss-up between two Bolvian airlines, the military-run LADE for actually being very good, or Amazonas for the amazing journey from snow-capped city to jungle in only half an hour.

Bob Marley Backpacker Joint for Best Music: the new(est) song by Mana called 'Si No Tu Huberias Ido', the hugely popular poodle-haired Mexican rockers that was played eveywhere and became a bit of a soundtrack to the trip - check it out on iTunes. But seriously, what is it with UB40's 'Red, Red Wine? It wasn't good or hip the day it came out, which - which! - was in 1983.

The Bullseye Bendy Bully for Best Sports Facilities: Izhcayluma hostal in Ecuador. Free bikes, waking trails, swimming pool, pool table, table tennis - and all included for $9 a night! When can I come back please?

The David Hasselhoff Tankard For Best Brew: countries in South America seem pretty dominated by one brand of beer, such as Argentina's fight-juice Quilmes or Ecuador's imaginatively named fizzy dishwater Pilsner.  So the easy vote would be for Peru's Cuzquena - the lager version is pretty good, but the dark version is even better and a refreshing, tasty change - think ice-cold Guinness with half a bag of sugar in it.

But for my money, the best beer that I tried on the continent was Bolivia's Huari - you wanted to sink a cold couple even when it was minus 5 outside and falling, and that's got to be a good sign.

And there I was, gone.