Alisa's Special Blog: Tourism Alert II - Africa's Worst Tour Guide

This was not a good scene. The Sun setting, another puncture, our mechanic sleeping on the roof, and no more spare tires. Not to mention this area is known for banditry.
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I no longer hold the title of Africa’s worst tour guide. Matt has tremendously outdone me as he planned our overland route from Nairobi to Addis Ababa (Ethiopia). This journey was not something I was looking forward to as we had heard many experienced travellers express that this was the worst road trip they had ever taken. And boy, were they ever right…..here is my story.

Matt had warned me that this trip was going to be hard and it would be 2 to 3 days overland via either a semi-truck (in the cab or trailer) or bus. I still desperately wanted to search for a flight which would get us there in about 4 hours but sadly they were all shockingly expensive. So, we made our way to the Eastleigh district of Nairobi aka “little Somalia” where we were told that we would find our connection to Ethiopia, or more likely, “they would find you”. Within minutes the touts were on us. We were taken to the staging area where all the trucks leave from however the ones that were planning on leaving the next day were far from full and the drivers seemed very sketchy. Not comfortable with the truck scene, Matt and I decided to try our luck with the bus. Good news, there was one leaving in a couple days for a good price and I liked the look of the bus pictured – very similar to the Greyhounds back home. Now one of the things I have learned throughout my travels in Africa is that MUCH of what you see or are told is not always what you get, however I would never have guessed that the bus taking us through the roughest and dodgiest roads would look like something out of Mad Max. It was dubbed the “Dream Team Machine” owing to the airbrushed portraits of Martin Luther King Jr.on the right side, Barack Obama on the left side and Jesus Christ on the back. The way I looked at Matt could have killed him 10 times over.

Matt had been standing over someone’s toilet pit, complete with a “number 2,” for about ten minutes without noticing

No cost was spared when putting together the inside of the Dream Team Machine. Our home for two nights.
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We boarded the bus at 6pm for our 4pm departure (did I mention nothing ever leaves on time either). Our seats were situated at the very back which promised us a truly bouncy ride. Easing into our seats we noticed we were surrounded by many small children (without seats) who proceeded to cough and sneeze all over us, but they were too cute to stop and we succumbed to letting them rest their heads on our laps. The trip started great and Matt and I managed to get some sleep until the pavement ran out and we started bumping along through the rocky terrain while trying to stay on the tracks left by the previous vehicles (being unable to see out the windows and the speed we travelled felt much like we were on a Disneyland’s Star Tours ride). At daylight, we stopped in an extremely rural area in northern Kenya – home to the Samburu tribe – where we used the potty and grabbed a bite to eat. It was here that the locals showed Matt and I how to brush our teeth and gums with a stick (mswaki - cut from wild trees and shrubs in the bush, this is a traditional African toothbrush) – tasted like fluoride from the dentist!

Another punctured tire in Kenya. Nothing new at this point. Where was the Dream Team!?!
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It was on our second day of travel when things took a turn for the worse. As we headed north the terrain became uglier as we bumped along on large, jagged volcanic rock. This is where we experienced the first of many punctured tires. We were warned that this does happen and the bus was equipped with 2 spares. Within 10 minutes the tire was changed and we were back on our way. About 15km later we had another flat, same wheel. Quick change again, and off we went. Our third flat tire hit us in the late afternoon. We were out of spares and deep into Northern Kenya, an area notorious for banditry. One of the mechanics and a few of the male passengers flagged down a passing car and were able to hitch a ride to the nearest town (45 minutes away) to obtain another tire. The bus emptied, and we sat on the side of the road. Many of the passengers of Muslim faith prayed as the sun started to set. We chatted amongst ourselves and with the locals who explained that if we walked left we would hit Sudan, if we walked right we would stumble upon Somalia and if we kept straight we would get to Ethiopia. At this point in time, we were out in the middle of nowhere stuck on a road of black volcanic rock. Two hours later, the entourage returned – by now we had spent an hour in moonlight. They were able to find one tire. This meant that we really could not afford any more punctures. Guess what? Within ten kilometres we got ANOTHER flat! By this time it was pitch black outside (perfect for star gazing) and the mechanics and passengers were arguing over our plan of attack. Flashlights came out and the decision was made to take one of the tires off the double axle at the rear. This would mean that the truck would be unbalanced, but we would be able to carry on to the nearest village in hopes of finding another tire. We happened upon a construction camp, where we stopped for 3 hours and enjoyed a few biscuits, locals performed traditional song and dance around a fire, and we waited for the mechanics to find a couple spare tires in the middle of the desert.

Finally Alisa has taken up serious hygiene - brushing her teeth local style... with a stick. It actually tasted like flouride!
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We had one more flat tire after this, for a grand total of 5 flats, but we made it to the Ethiopian border town of Moyale 12 hours later than we expected. With a diet of cookies and water sustaining us for the last day and a half a good meal and stiff drink(s) were a must. We spent a night in this border town as we had to catch a different bus from Moyale to Addis Ababa (the Ethiopian capital) very early in the morning. I was very happy to sleep in a bed but not impressed by the large brown cockroach that crawled over my face and into my hair which woke me up in hysterics and threw Matt into a laughing fit. I almost called it quits after I spent the rest of the night clutching onto a flashlight and a large can of bug killer under my pillow.

Giving up on the bus Matt decided to take a more local means of transportation.
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Part 2: Are we there yet???? Moyale, Ethiopia to Addis Ababa

The next bus trip was equally as eventful. We understood that this leg of the trip would take 2 days and we would have to overnight halfway as public transportation is restricted to travel between 6pm – 4am in Ethiopia. I will sum up the facts:

• We left bus station at 5am (on a paved road!)
• Three hours into the trip we were flagged down by a convoy of police officers who accused our bus driver of causing an accident, running a truck off the road about 5 km back. They ordered our bus to turn around.
• We returned to the scene of the accident where witnesses cleared our driver of responsibility.
• The officer allowed us to continue on but wanted to check our driver’s license.
• Turned out our driver had no license so we had to spend 2 hours at the police station where our driver proceeded to be questioned and ticketed.
• Police decided that our driver was no longer allowed to continue driving us and decided to get another bus. We all scrambled to move our things and find seats on the new bus.
• The new bus didn’t have enough seats for everyone.
• We then scrambled back to the original bus.
• The end result, original bus, original driver and a police escort on the bus.
• Within one hour of being back on the road to Addis we managed to get a FLAT TIRE!
• The tire was changed quickly and then 45 minutes later we get…..another flat tire. I started wondering if there was such a place as Addis Ababa and if we would ever get there.
• We were stopped along the side of a road in a rural area. As the mechanic was changing the tire, we noticed that Matt had been standing over someone’s toilet pit (complete with a “number 2”) for about ten minutes without noticing. We looked behind us and there was a very puzzled tribesman eyeing Matt up.
• We made it to a town called Dila at around 11pm where we were forced to spend the night because Matt and I and 3 other foreigners were taken to a police compound to check the validity of our entry visa.
• The police superior had to be called in as he was the only one that could read English.
• Half an hour later the superior arrived, along with his 3 drinking buddies. Apparently they had been called away from happy hour at the nearby pub and they were not happy.
• The Superior didn’t say a word as he barely even looked at our visa (because his eyes were glazed over). Finally, we got the green light and we spent the rest of the night sleeping on the stationary bus.
• After four hours of sleep we continued on our way. The rest of the trip to Addis was uneventful. However, the scenery was spectacular and we enjoyed the conversation and friendliness of the people we befriended on this unforgettable trip.

The Dream Team Machine!
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When we reached Addis, I felt we had completed a HUGE milestone. Again, a good meal and some drinks were in order. In the end for Matt’s own safety he agreed that we could stay in a nicer hotel with a western toilet. What luxury…….