The slow boat to Laos

Luang Prabang
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Hi all, These last couple of weeks have been pretty interesting. Not least travelling in the warm. After South America we could leave our down jackets and sleeping bags at home and start to really travel light. It took Jo all of about two minutes to fill up her bag again and we've already had to send 4 emergency boxes home. Within 2 hours of sending them Jo was already collecting more handbags.

It is supposed to have been the rainy season here for the last month or more but we have luckily been able to avoid that although the humidity has meant that I for one have never really been fully dry! We have come to the end of that and after a few spectacular thunder storms in the last couple of days awoke this morning to find it pouring continually.

The Countryside around Vang Vieng
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Right, what have we been up to? Well after a day in Bangkok resting after our 10 day long drinking session we grabbed a flight to Chang Mai in Northern Thailand and went hill trekking up there on the Burmese border then returned to take a bus to the Laos border and the following day took a 2 day long boat ride down to Luang Prabang in Northern Laos (the whole city has been classified as a Unesco world heritage site). Did some trekking there and took a bus to Vang Vieng (awesome) and have recently arrived in Vietienne (the Capital). Jo's going to fill in a few of the details and so will I. Crossing

Our friends in Thailand
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The border was interesting. I have never had as much trouble getting into a country in my life. After getting stamped out of Thailand and taking a canoe taxi to the other side of the river that marks the Thai/Laos border we had to fight through the scrum and pick up a number of forms. Then fight our way out again (all the while sweating heavily) fill all the forms in, return through the crowds (this time it was easier, word of my sweat had obviously proceeded me) hand our passports in with all the included forms. As I was turning to leave (apparently the staff keep them for 20 minutes or so) he motioned for me to stay and over the next five minutes had a conversation in which neither of us spoke the same language so it was mainly conducted by the waving of hands on his part and the shrugging of shoulders on mine. Eventually one of his colleagues came over to explain that I needed a couple of photos.

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Right.....

I dully took all our passports back and entered Laos illegally looking for someone who would photograph our passports and therefore be able to get us a couple of photos. Then I had to persuade the nice man to take my Thai money as I hadn't been able to get a Lao Kip just yet. Also I managed to convince him that I wasn't really about "to die just yet" and "No I hadn't just got out of a shower" and "yes this really was my own perspiration."

Back at the border post Jo and I separated, I to the currency change desk and Jo to hand in our passports, photos and forms in triplicate. No problem at the currency counter by now the water running off me just washed them out of the way. Jo on the other hand nearly got into a fight with another traveller who claimed that she couldn't submit 2 people's passports and pick them up again as she was only one person.

Nelly
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4 hours after we had arrived and extremely dehydrated we managed to walk away from the border.

The boat ride was great, we were pre warned about the wooden seats and bought a couple of cushions that made the experience a little more comfortable. Some other travellers kicked up a stink about there not being any life jackets (what do you really expect) and the rest of the passengers on our boat had a good laugh when they spent nearly 1000 US dollars to hire the entire boat between 6 of them (still with no life jackets). I should mention our tickets were about 10 pounds and it would have cost about 30 to fly!

Working on the river
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There were virtually no settlements along the way and most of the first day was spent going through virgin jungle. Occasionally there would be a village amongst it and some kids would be playing in the river or women washing clothes.

That first night we arrived to chaos, it took half an hour to get our bags out and we spent a while looking for them before someone approached with Jo's and started carrying it up hill. When we caught up we stopped him and walked into the first hostel we found who charged us 40,000 kip for the privilege of staying there. It didn't have air con but had hot water en suite and a big fan so we were done. At this point the man with our bag dropped it and demanded 50,000 kip for carrying up the hill. I blustered told him it was outrageous (it was more than the room and he'd only walked 100 yards) and said I'd give him 2,000 no more. He wouldn't settle for anything less than 10,000 so I gave it to him in the end and and swore that we wouldn't be robbed again.

Mekong river
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Turns out that it's 20,000kip to the pound and when we found this out felt pretty bad for the poor bloke and I did wished that I hadn't argued so vocally!

I spent the night chasing cockroaches (so big that the lizards are scared of them) out of the room and we left to get on the boat for Luang Prabang in the morning. We'd been told 7.30 for the boat, by the captain, 8 by the guy when he took our tickets. 8.30 by the hostel owner and 9 was the rumour amongst a few of the travellers. By 10.30 the boat still hadn't left and we were slightly regretting being one of the first there!

Hidden Buddas
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Luang Prabang was really stunning, it's on the banks of the Mekong and as I said before is an Unesco site. Lots of little lanes, some lovely food and temples everywhere, once you get off the main street about every third person was a monk in orange robes. After our trekking experience in Thailand we really wanted to see some more of the outlying scenery and booked a very specific trip to get us well away form the local area and up into some hills we could see to the east of the town. We would trek for 7 hours in the following day, the morning of the following day and kayak back down the river into town.

We duely left with a guide who when he worked out that we were staying over night said he couldn't come with us. Another guide came along told us that we were now going with him and another couple of travellers and to follow along. We checked that this was a 2 day tour and told him about Jo being vegetarian and allergic to wheat...... We took a canoe up river and got out and started walking. We chatted to the other couple there and it quickly became apparent that they were expecting something completely different to us. We asked the guide and all he could really say was did we want to go all the way back into Luang Prabang. Given it was 12 o'clock and if we went back there would be no chance of getting out that same day we said no we would go along on the same trip as our new friends.

About 2 hours later we were done for the day and they seemed surprised when they offered Jo bread at every meal and she had to explain that no, she was still allergic to it. The following morning we walked for half an hour back to the river and the others got on elephants to go for a trek but we weren't allowed to because we hadn't paid to go elephant trekking..... The fact that we had paid for 10 hours of trekking and National park entrance fees didn't really persuade the guy. We fummed for a few hours and when we got back to the office exploded on the manager who had to call up his boss and ask if we could have a small refund, he didn't even appear the slightest bit perturbed and in the end it turned out that he knew we were going to the wrong place but just didn't really care. All I can say is that if anyone ever goes to Laos don't do anything with company called Tiger trails!

Right, rant over, I think it must have been the heat, we've never been worried about anything going wrong before but we got really mad when this happened! yup must be the heat! Even writing this now I can't summon the slightest bit of anger and can't really understand why I was so upset.

From Luang Prabang we took a VIP minibus (aircon, DVD's, refreshments including Lunch, and only a 4 hour journey) to Vang Vieng (bus was actually a very cramped minivan, no aircon, no refreshments, certainly no DVD's that actually took 11 hours).  We were told all about Vang Vieng by Lou and Chris in New Zealand and it definitely lived up to it's billing.  Basically the town is a bit disappointing but the main attraction is the river.  For 2 pounds you get a tractor tyre inner tube and a lift 20 mins by tuk tuk up river.  You jump in, sit in the tube and float down river, your bum in 30 degree water and your body in 35 degree sunshine.  Along the 2 hour journey down river there are any number of bars with people who offer you a bamboo stick to pull yourself in.  They've mostly built giant swings with attached platforms that allow you to swing for 40 meters out and ends one of three ways.

1) Drop unceremoniously in, (Rupert and 90% of people who have a go)

2) Try an acrobatic manoeuvre that ends in a massive slap and anyone watching grimacing, wincing and saying aahhh (9%) or

3) Be one of the 1% that have clearly been there too long who manage a flawless somersault finished with a perfect swan dive.

Allegedly it can be dangerous and a few people have died but it's not very faster  flowing.  We were really only intending to stay for a day but have had so much fun that it turned into four.  The first day we made lots of friends and manged to get back a couple of hours after dark.  The second day was even later, we were arriving in the dark and the bars would have to re-open for us.  By the third day Jo was broken so we had to stop playing!

Any how lots of love to all

Rup

APOLOGIES FOR THE LACK OF PARAGRAPHS IN THIS, FOR SOME REASON THE COMPUTER WON'T LET ME USE RETURN. GOOD LUCK!

Hi all and thanks again for the very amusing comments on the last blog, am very touched by the quest to get "Banham'd" into the Oxford dictionary and agree that every wedding should have guests that bring their own laser guns. Thanks also to Lisa "The Glendo's" for changing her log in photo to a rather attractive one of me swigging straight from a bottle of champagne - classy. //

This is actually the second time (today) that I have written this blog as just as I was finishing it the first time when the network crashed and I lost the best part of a days work, grrr. I'm also sure that the first attempt was far more amusing than this one. //

As Rupert said after jetting off over the white cliffs of Dover we found ourselves in the crazy, fast city of Bangkok. Bangkok is continuously moving and buzzing with energy, it also has one of the most interesting skylines in the world; skyscrapers intersperced with the gold tips of (seemingly) a million temples. On arriving we decided to recover from our hectic time back home and took the 'gringo' approach to jetlag heading onto the roof of our hotel to look across the city and chill in the sun by the pool (cheers Pips for the recommendation) before heading onto the Koh San Road for the first of many Thai massages. Wonderful. // Worried that we were taking it too easy on our first day in Asia we picked up the tempo and headed to the markets and 'side shows' of PatPong to browse what was for sale (in the market not in the bars). As always this was an interesting and eyeopening night and I'm sure we met some of Thailands most talented entertainers....

Having visited South Thailand previously we then headed North to the city of Chang Mai where we met our very first real Thai ladyboy who immediately started stroking Rupert and asking him to call him 'Miss Thailand'. By pure (and comical) coincidence 'Miss Thailand' was to become our guide for the next three days trekking in Northern Thailand. During this time (s)he insisted on being called 'The Queen of the Jungle' and developed a habit of breaking into Brittney Spears routines. Needless to say (s)he added a very different and amusing dimension to the trip.

From Chang Mai it is possible to do loads of treks to different hillside villages to meet the locals and see how they live, however many of these 'villages' are faked for the tourists. We decided to be a little more intrepid and ventuire further afied to trek along the Burmese border to see ther real Thai hilltribes. These villages are so remote that no Thai is spoken, only the original village dialect. The villagers are not even recognised by the government as Thai citizens - only last year they were finally awarded green cards to allow them to live on Thai land. Deserted though it was it was a great experince, living in a bamboo hut in the middle of a local, selfsufficient village. // By far and away the best thing about the villages was the children. We'd been advised to take balloons for them to play with, however nothing prepared us for the look of pure excitment on their faces as we (read Rupert) started blowing them up (the ballons not the kids). With no common language (apart from various attempts to teach them 'Wicked' and 'All'ight Geezer') we spent an incredible afternoon playing with them and the balloons. For the first time in my life (apart from sharing a love of Brad Pitt) I could relate to Angelina Jolie. On the down side though I am concerned that we will have to explain at customs the large number of photos we have of children. //  The three days trekking ended in a trip down the river to the elephant camp via 'bamboo rafting'. This all sounded fine until we realised that the raft consisted only of 10 sticks of bamboo held together with more bamboo (I guess there was a clue in the name). Our raft also had the disadvantage of carrying more people than the others so insisted on floating a good 2 inches underwater making it a rather wet ride for those on deck. All this aside it was fantastic. As we headed off Ruperts competative side came out and he sacrificed steering and grace for speed and noise and as a result our raft bounced off rocks, collided with the river banks and narrowly avoided water buffalo. I will never know how it held together and since then I have had a new found respect for bamboo.In fact this respect for bamboo keeps growing - since we've been in Asia we've seen it used for rafting, house building, bedding, fly-repellant hats, scafolding, fans, walking poles, punting, boat building, soup, signs, animal herding, river swings, building cranes, pulling in tubes, etc. everyday seems to bring something new and I am now firmly convinced Asia is built on bamboo. // Bamboo rafting was closely followed by elephant riding - great fun as there were six elephants on the trek and ours was the only girl, hence she attracted rather a lot of attention from the others. She was also a little flighty with and aversion to bikes and bridges meaning at times it felt like we were perched precariously on the top of a running mountain. Sad though it was to leave Thailand behind we headed (slowly) into Laos to be met by endless beautiful views of jungle coated hills and limestone cliffs. The first stop we made was in the city of Luang Prabang - a beautiful chilled out town on the Mekong river complete with many colourful temples and an astounding numbers of young monks, all dressed in their brightt orange robes. At one point we spotted some young monks on the steps of a temple and as we stopped to take in the ambience of the moment (obviously they were unaware they could be seen) they suddenly started performing some amazing breakdancing moves. I did debate joining them with 'the caterpillar' but we decied they would be mortified at having been caught dancing during prayer time so we promptly left. // We also had the pleasure of our first Laos massage. Sadly these were not the same as Thai massages. Mine was done by a girl who must have been half my size, she was so strong! The hour massage became a battle of wills - her trying to push me through the floor via all my pain sensors and me trying not to cry out in pain. This all obviously showed on my face as at one point another masseus came running over telling her she was pinching too hard and could she do it a little softer (I'm sure I heard her laugh at this point). // After a few days and our eventful trek we booked ourselves on the 'VIP' bus to Vang Vieng and were assured that the bus was most exclusively VIP, with air conditioning, videos, roomy seats and all the mod cons. As the bus arrived we rapidly realised that air conditioning meanT windows that open, videos meant the scenery outside these windows and the concept of roomy seats only applied if you were under 4 ft. Not to worry - at least it went..... ....or so we thought until two hours into the journey the bus got a puncture so we all dutifully baled out into the 40 degree heat while the tyre was changed. Unfortunately our bus didn't carry anything useful for tyre changing so we had to wait on the side of the road and flag down people until we found a jack. At this point the van decided it was far too hot to be on the road anyway and exploded in a ball of steam emptying it's radiator all over the road. We resigned ourselves our fate and crammed into the only squarefoot of shade we could find. As we started to curse ourselves for not listening to the advice in the lonely planet and bringing provisions, out of nowhere a guy on a moped turned up selling icecreams, never has there been as warmer welcome. // Finally a second minibus arrived and the two Laos drivers disappeared into the engine. Bearing in mind they didn't have any tools we weren't that confident that we'd be on the road again this year, however after half an hour of 'mechanical work' the tyre was chaged and the engine running again. And guess what they used to mend the radiator?   Bamboo  // After a very hot and sticky journey we finally arrived in Vang Vien and were after something to cool us down and there's not much better for this than tubing. Rups has already introduced you to the delights of tubing, but I just need to say it's the most fun you can have in a very dirty river and it should carry a health warning as it's highly addictive and can often result in people singing selfmade kareoke whilst floating down the river. The down side of tubing though is that I '"Banham'd" myself and it really does hurt the next day.

After tubing we headed down to Vietienne, the capital of Laos and then took the 17 hour bus journey down to southern laos and the 4000 island river delta. At this point the rainy season finally caught up with us, but this gave us the perfect excuse to unwind in the hammocks on our balconys after yet another bike riding expedition (I'm sure Rups is trying to make a cyclist out of me). The islands are formed in the Mekong river where the land flattens and the river widens and they're beautiful. It is also the home of the rare Irwaddy dolphins, which unfortunately we weren't able to see as in the wet season they live on the Cambodian side of the river, you can take a boat there from Laos but are likely to get shot. We declined this, however we were able to visit some of the island villages that are inhabited and saw the locals working on the paddy fields growing rice. This looked to me like really hard work, but to Rups it obviously looked fun as the next thing I knew he'd abandoned his shoes and was helping slap the mud off the rice roots with his feet (I haven't been able to eat rice since). // Too much hammock action can be very tiring so before it got too much we headed off to the Cambodian border and the next part of our trip, which so far consists of avoiding the monsoon (when it rains here it really rains) and I've been discovering just how much pain can be inflicted by a piece of cotton - but will save that for the next update. // Hope you're all OK and avoiding the floods back home // Jo xx

PS Zoe - are you going to stay on here as 'the future Mrs Barratt'' or change to "Mrs Zoe"?

PPS Mumma - I sent home to your address - hope that's OK??  // PPPS Patience and ability allowing I'll also put some photos on facebook (for those of you who aren't on facebook.com join!)  // PPPPS Google 'The Banhams' to find out just how famous this website has become