Penang: Strangeness.

Hieeeeee.....my lovely folk! A new country....horrrrraaaaggghhhh!!!!!

So up I get early because when walls don't meet the ceiling it tends to let the sound in you see......

No food....just want to find a place where I can shower and feel relitively normal. It's  hot...very hot at only 8am and I dress accordingly. I walk to the top of the road and sit on a bench by a roundabout and stick my nose in the LP with the hope of working out where I am. I notice some beeps from motorbikes...cars...a guy nearly falls off as he comes round the corner and I think,

"Was he looking at me? What's going on?"

I look about...there are others looking at me now....I know I'm tired but surely I didn't forget to put a top on in my haste for better accommodation! An old man of the variety with no teeth left steps onto the roundabout and stops.....he's standing about 2 meters away and he's not moving a muscle as if I'm a doe-eyed dear that will bolt if he makes a sound. The only thing moving is his jaw which chews and gurns like he's tasting what he's seeing and I get it!!! Inappropriate clothing for a Muslim country there Shelley!!!! I dash back to the shit hole to change from shorts and vest into trousers and lose fitting top. What an idiot! This is why I like to get a feel for the places I'm off to....a lesson learned!

After much a do I find a great place to stay with oooooddddles of character and the rudest staff in the world. I don't care...shame Leg's not in charge here but this place has proper walls and a bathroom that does not resemble a vegetable patch. I spend what seems to be the longest day in the world waiting for Jon to arrive and pretending to be interested in the city I'm walking around. Tell a lie...I did have a marvelous day and this place is amazing. The architecture is fantastic and although it's strange to be in a city I kinda revel in the business of it all. China town and little India are great and I have fun getting lost on purpose and finding my way...a new game many would not think a possibility for me some time ago.

Back in the room my washing is drying thank god, as I don't really want the place looking like a laundry for the Cox's imminent arrival. I do an MOT and this time don't feel I need to kid myself about this one. I pace about...read my book...pace some more....sit on the windowsill smoking fags. He should have been here by now.....try to have a nap...yeah right like that's gona happen! And about an hour after he's said he'd be there there's a knock at the door and I jump out of my skin! Heart's going like a train.....try to calm yourself Fuller for godsake, or you'll have a coronary!

In walks the man and he's flustered. A quick peck and a hug and this feels awkward.

"Sorry I'm late. How's your day been?" And bless him he's asking me that before he tells me he's late because he's just been in a car crash! The cab smacked into someone and he's understandably a little on edge!!!! In true Jon style he's given the driver a hug and sorted his head out a bit. He jumps in the shower and we decide drinks are in order.

Now, the selected booze hole is, we find a bit like the Twilight Zone. Just next door and covered from head to toe in neon, a bizarre mix of eastern and weastern design, it seems like the place for us. On walking in I immediately make friends with a small, white and very fluffy Chihuahua type thing (even in adulthood the luer of stray dogs is too much for me to bear) and we plant ourselves at the bar noticing there's pretty much nobody else in this place. It's not long before Jon's got us some buckets of beer and having had no tea it's also not long before I'm swaying like the elegant lady I am on my precarious stool. Then odd things start to occur.....

We simultaneously look round on hearing a childs' screams to witness the Chihuahua trying to shag this little Chinese boys arm....it is a spectacle that makes me laugh even now. The child is clearly distressed but Jon and I are too much in hysterics to be of any assistance. The excuse for a dog finally packs it in and that's when we notice how much the bar staff look like the cast of Monkey Magic.

Do you remember Pigsy and Sandy? Well they are alive and well and working in a bar in Penang, Malaysia. The Pigsy lookalike produces more beers and Sandy almost takes my hand off when I give her the money...it seems these two complete the look with their counterparts evil personalities. To top off a strange and hilarious evening I realize after a visit to the loo that there's a DJ playing what sounds like Malaysian happy hardcore to an audience of none. For those who don't know...happy hardcore sounds like fast dance music played at double speed and is usually accompanied by a high pitched comedy voice that sounds like Maria Kerry on helium. In this case the lyrics were Malaysian to boot....this had us almost crying with laughter into our drinks.

This is where things get a little hazy without the aid of the missing diary...lost somewhere in the wilds of Bangkok at new years. I think that night we played pool...or Jon played and I shoved some balls around and tried to look alluring whilst drunk. We had some marvelous chats and a lot more laughs at the insanity of the world we found ourselves in.

29th Nov

Woke up pretty late (I think) feeling....well it could have been worse considering. We had breakie in a little place round the corner that was painted the most fabulous shade of green and had wonderful shutters and everything.

After a few enquiries a local guy led us all the way to a bike shop (out of kindness of heart) where we could rent a decent model to satisfy Jon's desire for two wheeled exploration. But it couldn't be a moped...oh no....a self confessed bike snob, Jon led the hunt for a bike he was happy with in terms of size...unfortunately what we ended up with was a deathtrap that looked very cool! (Parents please proceed directly to the next paragraph.) The problem lay with the brakes you see, fairly important things on roads where traffic cuts you up by way of standard maneuver and it's a testament to Jon's ability that we weren't roadkill by the end of the day.

Anyhooosss....it was a fabulous thing to be on the back of a bike and a bloody good excuse to give the driver a hug. It is a miracle we managed to get out of the city at all though, as I was map reading (bad enough) from the Lonely Planet's rubbish efforts to direct travelers around this sprawling neighborhood.

2hrs after we set off we found ourselves cruising round the coastal roads looking out over fabulous views of beaches and crystal clear water framed by interesting looking boulders. We stopped for lunch and this is where the hangover.....what Jon would call a "Trojan" hangover....kicked in. But the beach was lovely, the view exceptional and the company more than averagely pleasant even if my lunch was a total disappointment.

We climbed up through the forest into mountains on harrowing roads and I have to say I never felt in any peril. The sun was shining and the scenery was rather special...what more can a girl ask for? We stopped at a fruit farm and ate some disgusting stuff that made me pull the least attractive face I could muster.

"Try this...it's nice" I said.....for some reason Jon was not to be fooled.

The view over the jungle was wonderful but did, however show up what we thought were gathering rain clouds. Not the best idea to be on a heavy bike with failing breaks in the rain on winding roads....so we hoofed it back to town as fast as my map reading skills would allow. (An amusing spectacle on the way back saw me asking directions in a restaurant with big fat helmet still on and a crowd of about 10 Indian waiters round me clearly not understanding a word but all grinning heartely.)

We returned the bike with Jon giving the rental guy a good piece of his mind...unfortunately I suspect said guy had not a clue what he was on about but hey...we can but try. A little irritated we found a bar to try to wash away the mounting hangovers and yet again Jon's uncanny ability to attract the nutters came into play. A slightly surreal place and full of what seemed quiet lone drinkers blasted by unrelenting aircon. Some strange man behind me started up laughing to himself, having a full on row with some unknown force at intervals and generally being the center of everyone's desperate attempts not to ogle this crazy man.

That night we ventured into Little India by bicycle rickshaw. Have you ever had a go in one of these? They are utterly brilliant as feel just like you're moving down the street in the armchair from your front room.....just like flying! We plodded round the blasts of color and music in a tired and happy state. We ate from a great little stall where the vendors treated us like a couple of Hindu gods and we continuously patted ourselves on the back for a good choice of eatery. It's strange how when traveling you tend to get ill from the bigger restaurants with endless menus...the less on offer the more fresh it's going to be and generally much tastier....never turn your nose up at a scummy looking roadside eatery...that's where the good stuff generally is!

A beer at a bar full of foreigners later and we were so nacred we could hardly keep our eyes open through the movie I put on. A good day was had by all.