Disfigured and Alone

Just to clarify... I am neither disfigured OR alone, but I have Howard from the Mighty Boosh warbling that in my head at this given moment in time.

So... Chengdu. Actually... HEY, it's been a while. Hope you're keeping good. You are? Why that's just grand! :)

The past few days have been an onslaught of colour, culture and... really nasty toilets. I know, I know... I keep bringing it up, but seriously didn't the Chinese ALLEGEDLY invent the toilet? I have never witnessed anything so horrific in all my little sheltered Hertfordshire life. Honestly, the other day I was walking (with somewhat fear) into the bathroom adjoining a net cafe, and happened to be following in some little hot stuff (no, I'm not lesbian, but Jordo's comments about the women are rubbing off on me) in there, and she just nonchalantly goes in a cubilcle, and leaving the door open, squats down (I'm assuming she dropped her knickers, indeed if they actually wear them in this country), cigarette still hanging out of mouth... and just *ahem* goes about her business, without any form of embarrassment! What the...?

I swear, this is a common occurrence!

I am constantly in a state of trauma, being somewhat of a prude in these ways...

Anyway. On to more CULTURAL things... They water the pavement here in China. I'm not kidding! They have trucks that drive up and down the roads watering them. Not quite sure what they're expecting to happen from this little venture, but am waiting with bated breath. Also, they have people mopping and sweeping the road. It certainly is a shame that the drivers of the vehicles they make the road so pleasant for drive like someone plagued with epilepsy. Crossing the road here takes fearlessness or stupidity. At crossroads, cars just nudge eachother out of the way, beeping their horns (just give them any excuse for this pastime). Unfortunately the roads are so wide here, that I usually am forced to just run (even when the light at the pedestrian crossing says to go - DON'T BE FOOLED) screaming various expletives.

Well... I guess last time we talked, I was going to be trainin' it down to Chengdu on my birthday (yes, I'm now a quarter of a century old - hurray!). It certainly wasn't my idea of how to spend an enjoyable birthday, but perhaps guys have different ideas of enjoyment. SIXTEEN HOURS ON A *@*!** TRAIN! SIXTEEN HOURS.

We arrived in Chengdu at 5am, after unforgettable boredom, claustrophobia, and the sweet sound of LOUD SNORING.

Unforgettable.

Hmmm... On arrival we found firstly an ATM, then some little dirty eatery, where we consumed some soup like substance that tasted of flour and some steamed dumplings, before grabbing a cab and heading to a hostel that Jordo's ex flatmate had recommended. We had called in advance so they were expecting us. The hostel itself has a very hippyish traveller vibe (stay away... stay away...), although the hippies themselves (who are staying there - the hostel itself is run by Chinese) aren't all that friendly. However, as this is coming from probably one of the unfriendliest of people, you can ignore that comment.

The girls who work at the hostel immediately fell in love with Jordo... as is the case with every Chinese girl, and were elated to discover a) that I wasn't his girlfriend, and b) that he doesn't have a girlfriend. boy oh boy is he lapping up the attention in this country! no wonder he doesn't want to leave! They treat me with a certain indifferent politeness, but giggle and squeal whenever he is in the room. It is actually very endearing (grrrr...)

We were originally planning on staying in Chengdu around 3 days before getting the train to Lhasa, Tibet, but as the chicks at the hostel reckoned it would take around a week to secure tickets (for the 2 day journey - HELP ME!!!!), I decided we were going on a 5 day horse trek to see a glacier (I keep telling everyone pony trek... and that really doesn't sound as hard core. That was misinformation. I AM THE MASTER OF HARDCORE. Or mistress. Whatever.). Jordo is really excited about the little adventure that starts tomorrow. Me... although it was my idea (I get a bit bored of cooing over pots and ancient combs in museums), well... I am a bit apprehensive... after my little run ins with quad bikes in Sinai... and camels in Egypt (and yes, shall I name drop a few more countries while I'm at it?). Basically I'm just an unco-ordinated buffoon, so the idea of galloping around without a care... hmmmm... curious.

I'll let you know how it goes.

That is, if I live to tell the tale.

Other than that... today we went to see Pandas! Again my idea, as my workmate from the Tonic... Shell, is obsessed with the damn animal, so I said I'd go say hey to some for her. And I did. They weren't too interested in me, to be honest, and more in munching bamboo, or in the babies case, beating the crap out of eachother.

I took some photos. And videos. Which I am now trying to upload, but not getting much joy. The computers here in China SUCK. Net cafes are pretty weird though. You sit on sofas! The screens are really wide, and people are playing computer games.

Awesome.

Oh another thing. The food here in Sichuan province is delicious! My current favourite street food is boiled quails eggs on skewers with paprika. mmmmm...

What other useless information can I throw at you? Oh yes! I had a tomato smoothie! I know that isn't particularly exciting but I like using exclaimation marks! Actually as I don't read the characters, I just pointed at whatever, as did Jordo, and with my damned luck I got the tomato smoothie and he got pineapple. Obviously I pretended it was amazing and was smacking my lips at every opportunity.

Ugghhh...

Ok, well tomorrow is HORSE trekking, so I have no idea when I'll next be online. Probably end of next week - I'll let you know what the deal is about Tibet, hopefully.

Oh yes, and I promised Jordo I'd make him out to be some lecherous bastard, so if he asks... you know what to say (I'm still refusing to give him the link - I reckon he's really going to start annoying me and then I'll need my outlet).

Take it easy folks. May the force be with you. And if it's not... I hear pilates really tones the stomach.

x