Castro, Cohibas and Communism it must be.........

...........................Cuba.

As always it did not begin without incident.

Castro, Che and Cohibas it must be........

As some of you might know, I am not the best "flyer", although not as bad as some I know (stand up Ms. Butterworth). I have been known to get a little tense, however,

I boarded the plane in Panama City for the 3 1/2 flight to Havana in good spirits, and with Aussie Pauls' (Mick) final words ringing in my ears....."careful not to lose anything".

I was last on the plane and 2 old ladies were having a real problem forcing their "hand" luggage into the overhead locker (it was as big as most peoples' houses). I waited for while they a) apologised to me and b) ran the gauntlet of abuse from the surrounding passengers. I offered to help and after much re-organising, and further consternation from the assembled throng, we managed to store the bags away. The ladies were "eternally grateful".

Now normally this would not merit a mention but please, bear with me, it is central to the ensuing tale.

My seat was towards the rear of the half full plane, and when the gentleman in front of excercised his option to recline his seat, I decided to move myself and my luggage, to one of the back seats.

The flight was uneventful, bar being subjected to an hour of The Mary Tyler Moore Show, until about 45 minutes before we were due to land, I decided to check through my stuff because I am ALWAYS "careful not to lose anything". My search revealed everything was in order EXCEPT MY PASSPORT which was missing. I went through everything again NO PASSPORT. The third time I went through everything with a fine tooth comb, including the overhead locker and the seat pockets in my new, and former, seat. NOTHING!

Starting to get a little stressed, I called a, Spanish speaking, Stewardess to explain my "situation". She looked at me with a mixture of shock and bewilderment. She insisted we go through everything again together. NOTHING. She asked me to recall my movements and I recounted the story of the 2 ladies. She immediately went off down the plane and began questioning the people in the front seats, and searching their belongings and luggage compartments. By now the plane was in uproar, everybody shouting to, and at, everybody else. I sat getting more and more tense.

When the Stewardess finally returned, leaving 3 of her staff to "sort" things out, she had found nothing, I was frantic. I asked her what would become of me (I did not actually say "become" or indeed "whence" as written anon..........now stop that the 16 Century has not come calling... yet!!!!), she had no idea, because "this had never happened before". I was about to be stranded, in Cuba, with no Passport. Even if they sent me back "from whence I came" (there it is!) I would be stranded in Panama (It could have been worse I guess, had I been stranded in Albania and, by proxy, deemed Albanian I would have to have turned all white with pink eyes!!!!!). At very least my expedition was over.

I had been playing the scenario over and over in my head and (this seemed perfectly feasible to me at the time??????) I had decided that, while I waited for the 2 old ladies to sort out their bags, someone had stolen my Passport. I stormed down the front of the plane and started accusing people of a conspiracy to "rob the gringo" of his passport. Things were getting ugly. Luckily no-one understood a word I said, not even me, I was just on a roll spitting the 6 or so Spanish words that I know at the various passengers. After several minutes the Stewardess reasoned with me that a) I was about to be arrested and b) the plane was about to land. I returned to my seat and, still boiling, insisted that all passengers were searched before disembarking (wish I had not said that, 'cos I have no idea how to spell it, should it be a "k" or "qu" or "que" or.........STOP, enough!!!). She looked at me incredulously (there I go again, using big words I do not know the meaning of).

Anyway during the final moments of the flight, whilst I had time for quiet reflection, I recounted that, when I had changed seat, I had moved my hand luggage. I stared, hard, at the original locker. Could my passport be in there????

As soon as the plane hit the tarmac I leapt out of my seat. In the distance I could hear the Stewardess screaming at me to sit down, she later explained she thought I was going to attack one of the other passengers. I opened the locker and there, right where I had put it "in a safe place", on the bottom of the overhead compartment, was my passport. Eeeeeeeeee!! we all had such a laugh about it, me and the other 80 or so passengers, or we would have done if I had not returned to my seat and cowered in the corner until they had ALL not only left the plane but the airport as well.

The Stewardesses were pretty cool about it too, but all checked my return flight details in anticipation of throwing a "sickie" that day. Well, what did they expect after an HOUR of Mary bloody Tyler fricking Moore, I ask you?????

And that brings me onto the purpose of my blog........................to implore everyone in the World to visit Havana NOW, today. Where do I start?...................

Havana is, quite simply, the most magical, tantalising, vibrant, colourful, exciting and interesting City I have ever been.

I was there for 6 days and do not feel I even scratched the surface. In a place where finding a decent meal is a task in itself, and finding a shop with any goods in it, let alone any goods you might consider buying, why is it sooooo captivating. Jeez I wish I knew!!!! I really do not, all I know is from the moment I stepped off the plane it had me under its' spell.

My hotel, the Hotel Deauville sat right in the middle of the Malecon (the boulevard that runs along the sea). The hotel was a fairly bland looking building but the views from my room on the second floor were amazing. My room had 2 "large" single beds, cable TV, a safe, a good size en suite with shower, and 5 towels a day, breakfast (although I never made it) and aircon all for the princely sum of £15 per night. There was also a good sized outdoor pool on the roof, and a great little nightclub downstairs.

My apologies here, I am trying hard to paint a picture of the City for you and may have to paraphrase...............

The architecture was astonishing (apart from my hotel, obviously). Every building had a story to tell, from the dilapidated ruins and crumbling edifices of the poorer parts of town (where I stayed, again obv.....),to the splendour and grandeur of the Capitolito building and surrounding streets. These could have been transported to any European city and the colonial styles would be marvelled at. Almost without fail every building demanded a photgraph.

On top of that when you hail a cab to transport you the full length of the Malecon, to the Hotel Nacional, and a pristine white 1952 Oldsmobile Convertible stops to give you a ride, heaven is just around the corner. It was only one of several hundred we saw. I took quite a lot of photos. Everywhere you look there are the remnants of a bygone age, and its' faded glory only adds to the sense of wonderment.

Then there are the people, friendly, welcoming, happy. The sea wall in front of the Hotel a gathering place for Havana's population, every night until the early hours, and all with a story to tell. Sitting with them and hearing their tales of life in the City was as humbling as it was heartwarming.

I could go on and on ( or maybe I already have), but instead I implore you to go and see for yourself.

I will relate a couple of stories from my visit, however.

Some of the rest of our party (Zane, Cat, John and Kate) flew to Havana the day after me. It was Zanes birthday so we splurged on an Italian Meal, about £6 each, including drinks. We then visited a couple of hangouts previously frequented by Earnest Hemmingway (does anybody know anything about this guy except he wrote a few books and drank a lot???? I know...HEATHEN!!!). Anywhoo as Hemingway said "I drink my mojitos in La Bodequita Del Medio and my Daquiris in La Floridita". So what are you going to do. He definitely knew his drinks that boy, if he had been in I would have bought him one?????

If Abby could please not read the next sentence!!!. I also smoked my first cigar, a big fat Cohiba, and damn it was goooooooddddddd. Abby, I knew you would read it!!!

Actually it was shared between the 5 of us so I only had a little puff (ooohh errr missus, now I sound like someone from "Are you being served").

The next night Zane, Cat and I went to a cabaret club called " Casa de la Musica". We had a slight problem with the guy on the door who assured us that if we gave him $5 extra, which we did, he would get us a good table, which he did, near the stage. He "forgot" to mention, however, that,as part of the deal, we had to buy a $50 bottle of 8 year old Havana Club. As the only one who spoke any Spanish I was tasked with retrieving our $15, which I did, excellently and without complcation (I mention this to prove I can do it!!!).

Talking of just how friendly the people are in Havana, later in the evening I went to the bar. A young girl smiled at me so I said "hi" and returned to my seat. 30 seconds later the same girl plonked herself in the seat next to me. I think she must have been a bit tiddly because she appeared to lose her balance and corrected hereslf by accidently placing her hand on the top of my thigh. We exchanged pleasanteries and she started to ask lots of questions.

I tried to explain, politely, that I was there with my friends and did she know her hand was "delicately" placed?

She asked "don't you like me?"

I responded with "yes, I am sure you are very nice, but you are also very, very young and I have no idea who you are"

She countered with "I am 19 and a full woman"

I shuddered "my daughter is 19 and I am sure this is NOT how she spends her Friday nights "

"Aha" she announced triumphantly, "but I have a 5 year old son"

I tried to turn back to my conversation, she responded by sticking her tongue in my ear. I turned away and she probed (good word) my other ear. I now had BOTH ears full of spittle (very good word), was practically deaf and the band were just about to start.

Now I know I could be regarded as "a bit of a catch" (amongst the very sick and the blind, no offence meant) and, bless her, this girl was obviously besotted with me. She did not seem to want to leave despite my levering her hand off my thigh several times and pleading with Zane and Cat, by now peeing themselves laughing, to help me. After imploring her to go away for what seemed like an eternity, she finally relented. I could tell she was heartbroken and I wondered if she would ever recover.

Luckily the evening had a happy ending. I think one of her elderly relatives from America must have been there because I saw her helping an old man out, with both his ears dripping.

The next night we went to see......................The Buena Vista Social Club for one of the most memorable nights of my life. Now I know very few of the original members are still alive but 3 of the guys playing were there at the start. It was a truly heartwarming and emotional night (oh!, and if you were wondering my hearing was fully restored). The music was sensational with 6 singers performing. It was like a private party, we sang, danced, drank, smoked (my 2nd, and last, Cohiba) and chatted with the band until the wee small hours. What a gig!!! Maybe the best ever, although Take That run it a close second,....yeah right!!!!.

I have more to tell, nothing juicy, except that my flight(s) to Cartagena, Colombia were a far more mundane affair, despite another 2 hours of "you know who" on the telly.

Oh yeah, and if you do decideto go you must visit the Tobacco factory, awesome, the Artisan market, fabulous art, the Rum factory, El Prado, the aforementioned bars, the Nacional Hotel, just sit in the garden for cocktails, you will know why, Che Guevaras' house, the Old Fort (thats with an "o" in case you thought I was moving in) etc etc. I could go on but now I definitely already have!!!!

So that is it, my trip to Cuba. You soooo need to go!

I am writing this from Santa Marta, Colombia and will be trekking the Lost City over the next 6 days so who knows what stories I might have next time.

Take care, y'all

Love you all to bits

Paul X

Ps did I mention I quite liked Havana???????????

PPs It won,t let me download any photos AGAIN. Tedious I know....SORRY