Day 8: Avignon to Nice via Cannes

Wayne's Bar in Nice
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We’re up at 6, with a cereal & toast breakfast at 7. The room was extremely hot the night before with 8 people in there, and most, including myself, slept without any covers. Somewhat ironic considering this stop was one of the few times I actually had to unpack my sleeping bag. At breakfast, we hear some rumours about Wellsy – apparently he had fell down and passed out in the hallway outside his room, and pissed himself. This is intensely humourous to all considering his previous bladder troubles, but he vehemently denies any truth to the rumour. His version of the story is that he went to the bathroom, and came back to find he had been locked out of the room – they wouldn’t let him back in, so he decided to sleep in the hallway. As for the nearby puddle, he claims no responsibility for that. Anyone who questions him about it gets a loud “fuck off” in response.

Partying in Nice
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We’re on the road for the French Riviera by 8 or so, and nap time soon follows. Kenny, apparently not satisfied with the comfort offered by the bus seats, lies down in the aisle to nap. This apparently works well, as that becomes the standard for him. We arrive at Fragonards perfumery around 10:45, where we have a short tour, after which we are taken to the shop to smell various perfumes and colognes. There are too many to keep track of, and my nose loses the ability to differentiate. We’re given some time to shop, and I pick up a couple samplers, plus some smelly soaps and body wash, for myself and people back home, really having no clue what to buy. Ting gets a bottle of “Souvez-Moi” (Follow Me), which will turn him into a real ladykiller. By the time we leave, the various fragrances are giving me a headache – I can’t imagine working there!

We ask him if we are supposed to sleep in the lobby, break the door down with an axe, or what.

Jeff is happy to be in Nice!
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We’re back on the bus around 11:45 for the short trip to Cannes, where we’ll be spending the afternoon. We take a final vote on the trip song – Life is a Highway wins, despite my vote for Danger Zone, and it gets its first official play…we’ll be hearing this song a LOT. Suzie says she’s going to develop a series of dance moves to go with it, but this never really takes off (surprise, surprise). We get to Cannes just after noon, and take a brief spin through the town of the rich and beautiful, before getting dropped off near the beach. We have free time until 4, and almost everyone immediately hits the beach.

Cannes
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We eat our bagged lunch (a pasta and ham salad), and get changed into our swimsuits in the porta-potty, which is a very delicate operation – you don’t want to come in contact with any surface in there. The Mediterranean water is really warm, but still refreshing in the heat, and the scenery is gorgeous. And scenery is not limited to landscapes, if you know what I mean :)  Many bikinis about (including in our own group), and several topless women, although some really, REALLY shouldn’t be. Ladies, if you’re at retirement age, please also retire from topless tanning – thank you. As for the girls, there are plenty of guys in Speedos for their enjoyment, although several in our group don’t really appreciate the “creepy French guys” checking them out and hitting on them.

Dinner in Nice
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Some, including Jeff, swim out to a floating platform, but I don’t go very far before I realize I probably wouldn’t make it, so I stay closer to shore, enjoying the water and the sun. This is the life! Ting is still unable to float, even in the salt water…he must be made of rock inside. Out on the platform, Wellsy manages to rip a toenail off, which leaves him slightly gibbled for a while. That guy has no luck. At one point, Suzie and Michelle try to get Jeff to work on his “come to bed” eyes…Jeff gives them a look, and they reply with laughter and “no, that’s not it”.

Nice City Hall
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Returning to the beach to sunbathe for a while, I enlist Stacie to put some sunscreen on my back (following the guy code stating that a man shall not rub anything on another man’s back), but it’s already too late at that point – I’ve got a pretty wicked sunburn. In fact, a large number of people in the tour end up toasted in various locations – that sun is cruel. Around 3, Bruce, Ting, Lamar and I get dressed to go for a walk around town, but not before I stand in line for the beach shower, right behind 3 very hot, very tanned, topless French girls…that’s ok, take your time in that shower ;) We check out a couple shops and the fancy boats in the harbour, before heading back to the bus for a 45 minute drive to Nice, where we’re staying for the next two nights.

Wayne's Bar
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Driving into Nice, we see the airport full of private jets, the “Place de Anglais” and the expansive beach – this is another beautiful resort city. We check into our hotel – we were upgraded to a 3-star place due to overbooking at the other place, which is awesome because it means air conditioning in the rooms! Ting, Jeff and I room together and discover that our card key doesn’t open our door. The guy at the front desk uses the master key to let us in, and says nothing else about it, so we determine that we’ll have to get the staff to let us in every time. Annoying, but oh well. We are not meeting to walk to dinner until 7:45, so I take a shower and nap for a while in the nice air conditioned room, before changing and heading downstairs.

We walk to our “nice Nice restaurant”, and end up sitting with the 3 Korean girls and get a 1 L bottle of rose wine for 7.50. Stellas are also on special for 1.60 and the table of Aussie guys behind us goes through about 18 of them over the course of the meal. We are served an egg and tuna green salad, followed by pork in a tasty sauce with fried potatoes, and then ice cream with hot chocolate sauce. After dinner, most of the group follows Tori and PJ to the “old town” to visit Wayne’s– an Aussie bar. The bar is pretty cool – good atmosphere - but also very hot inside and really expensive! 6 Euro for pints of beer!?

Ben and PJ announce a challenge to the group – apparently a Contiki tour is also in the bar tonight, and anyone who picks up someone from their group and “goes all the way” gets a special prize. This bar features a very unique form of karaoke: there is a house band and people can come up and sing a song with them – no words provided mind you, so you better know the song. The stage area is completely packed with people, and everyone is standing on stools and the tables, rocking out and singing along to the well-known songs being performed. It must have been 45 degrees in that room, with so many people packed in. Every so often, there’s the sound of a glass being dropped and broken. It’s absolutely insane, compounded by the fact that the only bathroom is accessed via a narrow staircase to the side of the stage, meaning you have to wade through the crowd to get there. Totally crazy…I’ve never seen anything quite like it before.

Eventually Ting and I duck outside for some cooler air, but it’s still quite warm and we go sweat with Jimmy and Stacie for a bit. Shortly after 1, Suzie begins rounding people up to head to the beach. This seems like an agreeable plan and we head off as a large group. Upon arriving, Ben and PJ immediately strip and run into the water, PJ going buck naked. A couple other guys soon follow, and give us all a line of “full moons”. They start dragging people in, some still fully clothed, until most start going in voluntarily, including Jeff and I, while Ting decides to stay dry. The water is really nice, even at night, and we splash around in our underwear for a while, at one point breaking into a rendition of “Summer of 69”, which is deemed to be a much better trip song, but somehow the change never goes through.

Eventually, we hike back to the hotel (not so nice with wet underwear), and arrive about 2:30. Jeff tries to explain our room key situation to the guy at reception, but he doesn’t seem to get it and says he doesn’t have a key to let us in. At this point, I REALLY have to pee so I dash to the WC while Jeff argues with him. Upon returning, we are no closer to a resolution, as the guy speaks poor English and is new on the job, apparently not knowing of the existence of a housekeeping key, despite us insisting the other guy had one earlier today. He gets on the phone for a while, presumably to ask someone who does know, and in the meantime, Jeff uses my knife to enlarge the holes in the key card (seemed like a good idea at the time), but it still denies us access.

When the guy gets off the phone, I go talk to him and he still has nothing to tell us. Who the hell was he talking to?? We ask him if we are supposed to sleep in the lobby, break the door down with an axe, or what. He tries a bunch of other key cards, which don’t work, and eventually just gives us two other rooms on the first floor to sleep in. They’re the cheaper variety and don’t have AC, but they’ll have to do. Not having access to any of our stuff, we can’t change out of our wet clothes, but we crash and pass out anyway.