Do you think the Vietnamese have a word for debacle?

We set off on Wednesday morning for our three day trip to Halong Bay. It turned out to be a very interesting trip (read debacle!). We had a good breakfast at a cafe (not at the hotel) and then wandered over to the tour office to join the trip. We had booked through ET Pumpkin and thought that they were organising the tour but it turns out that they subcontract to a group called Halong Heritage. The bus turned up to pick us up last and we were the fifteenth and sixteenth people on. We trundled out of town in the bus and chatted to each other. We rapidly found out that we had all booked through different tour agencies and paid dramatically different prices for the tour depending on where we had booked. There was also a mixture of two and three day tours on the bus despite most of us being told that we would not be mixed together.

We had the obligatory stop at the disabled children's handicraft stop on the way. It seemed by the number of buses in the carpark that every minibus from Hanoi to Halong stops there on the way. It would be interesting to find out how much commission they get from that. We also had to stop at the pineapple stall on the way, despite the fact that none of us wanted any pineapple and just wanted to get to the boat and see something. In the end Mum and I bought some pineapple because it looked like we might never leave if someone didn't buy something from them. It was actually very nice pineapple though difficult to eat neatly and then get back on the bus.

We finally arrived at the wharf at Halong Bay and were dumped with our luggage on the waterfront. There were thousands of people and hundreds of boats all jostling to get into position. We were told to get onto a boat with our luggage only to find that it wasn't our boat, that our boat was about three away from the wharf and would we mind climbing over them with our bags. The boats are edged with metal which at this point in the day was boiling hot and very difficult to climb over without burning your legs. Finally after much climbing and passing of bags we made it to our boat and sat down. Only to find that they then backed the boat completely to the wharf steps to load a safe on board. So after all the climbing and waiting we could have got onto our boat from the steps and saved a lot of effort. They weren't big on the forward planning on the trip.

So we settled down in the dining room on the boat to wait for lunch. It was then that we noticed that there 20 people on the boat not the 16 that we had all been promised. We wondered if some of them were just using it as a way to get to Cat Ba or were just on a day trip but it turned out that they were all on the same trip as us and there was going to be a problem with not all of us fitting on the boat. The guide then arrived and told 4 of us that we would be staying on the island in a hotel that night instead of the following one and that the boat would drop us off on the island later in the afternoon.

The first activity we had was visiting one of the caves. It is sooooo tacky. The Vietnamese love it but it was just too much for most of us. The cave itself is lovely but they have spoilt it by putting coloured lights throughout it so that it looks like a tacky grotto. There were also hundreds of people inside and fountains and stupid things like that. We were also taken by the garbage bins shaped like penguins. They had all these stories that they told us about the various shapes in the rocks (most were dragons) which as one French woman pointed out weren't old stories because the cave was only discovered in 1993. It seems that the tour people have made up a whole mythology to go with the cave.

After visiting the cave we cruised around the islands for a little while before stopping at a small floating village. Here we were besieged by women in boats trying to sell us fruit and snacks (little did we know how much we would need them the next day!). We were also offered a short trip around the village on a boat for only 30,000 dong extra. Surprisingly five people agreed to go and were not particularly impressed by the trip. It takes you past a cave that featured in Tomorrow never dies and the school that the film crew paid for for the local kids. And that is about it. They then headed to the dock to drop four of us off to stay on the island for the night. We were expecting to get dropped at Cat Ba town but instead we were dropped at a wharf that was nearly 18km from the town. We were put onto a bus with a whole lot of people off other boats and our guide waved us goodbye telling us that someone would meet us in Cat Ba and sort out the hotels. The other two people who were left on the island were Keira and Rich, two friends from Ireland and they like us were a bit concerned about what was going on. We arrived in Cat Ba Town and the driver who spoke no English pointed them in the direction of one hotel and Lyn and I in the direction of another. We had no way to argue with us and figured that it would be sorted out when the guide found us. We headed into the Prince's Hotel and the guide was there. We got our keys and instructions for dinner and breakfast. He gave us totally different times for meeting in the morning to go trekking to our other guide though and when we said that we had been told 8 am instead of 8.30 am he just went 'okay'. That concerned us a little so we figured that we would be ready early just in case. He then disappeared and we hoped that he had gone to find Keira and Rich and sort out their room.

We went for a walk to the beach to have a quick swim before dinner. As we were walking along the esplanade to the beach, we came across some people who had killed a dog and were blow torching the fur off it so that they could cook it. Something that they will have to work on if they want foreign tourists to come in larger numbers. I don't mind that they eat dogs here but I don't need to watch them skin them while I'm walking along the street. The beach was in the next bay from the town and was nice enough. There were lots of people because the bay was in the shade so they didn't have to worry about the sun. Behind the beach is a huge resort with water slides and the like. Not very attractive. At the top of the stairs down onto the beach, the motorbike drivers are all crowded around trying to get you to catch a bike back into town. It's really annoying because they totally ignore people who are trying to walk through and it would be very easy to get your feet run over or a burn on your leg. It's also the only way on or off the beach. The water on the beach was nice and clean but really quite warm. It was cooler sitting on the wall in the breeze. But we had walked all the way and were going swimming anyway.

The hotel was nice enough and we had a nice dinner on the roof terrace with other people who were on day 2 of the three day tour. They said that sleeping in the hotel was definitely nicer than sleeping on the boat so not to feel bad about getting dropped off on the island. They had also had trouble with too many people on the boat and being lied to by the booking agents.

After breakfast the next morning we got ready to go trekking. The people who had done it the day before warned us to take plenty of water and that it was really hot. Mum was a bit worried about getting heat stroke but after some reassurance agreed to come. We got in the bus with Keira and Rich and five other people from another tour and were driven to the start of the walk. We then set off up the hill through a village. Our tour guide had disappeared and we were left with a local guide for the duration of the walk. On the way up the hill we got to hear the story of Rich and Keira's hotel room. They had gone into the hotel that they had been told and were told that there was no room for them. They had then been told to go into the hotel next door. So in they went and were given a room. As they were walking up the stairs they could smell urine and the room they were given was truly disgusting. Keira said that she could not have slept in it. While they were there looking a Vietnamese family were shown the room next door and refused it as well. She then rang the people they had booked the tour with in Hanoi and demanded that they sort it out. They finally got a room in another hotel that wasn't great but at least didn't smell like urine. They then headed out drinking because they were so annoyed about the whole thing.

The trek was heavy going and most of the group wanted to go quickly up the hill. Shortly after leaving we were soaked to the skin and dripping. With frequent stops and lots of drinks we made it to the top of the saddle where the view really was great. You could see both into the centre of Cat Ba Island and out to the karsts in the sea. We then set off into the valley along to a higher peak. Mum wasn't feeling well with the heat so we didn't go right to the top of the peak. The others said that the view wasn't that much better from up there than it was at the earlier saddle anyway. The guide kept telling Mum how strong she was for someone so old which made her feel somewhat better but also somewhat worse ("I'm not that old") We then meandered down the hill to another village. The track was quite slippery in places and definitely something that you needed proper footwear to do. At the bottom we came across some women washing clothes in a mountain stream. Mum and I were both so hot that we sat in the river for a while to cool off. The water was so lovely and cool. We then went to a cafe and had cold drinks that tasted just so good.

They then piled us back into the bus and back to Cat Ba to collect our luggage so that we could go to a floating restaurant for lunch. Rich and Keira hadn't been told that we were literally stopping to pick stuff up so hadn't even packed before going trekking. Then again they hadn't been told what time we were going trekking either and had only just had time to finish breakfast and change their shoes before being put on the bus. We got to the restaurant which is just a floating house on the end of a higgledy-piggedly walkway. We then sat there for over an hour waiting for the other people in our tour who had been doing trekking that morning but were nearly an hour behind us. They finally arrived after we had sat and watched virtually the entire restaurant eat before us.

Dani and Scott were sat on the other side of the restaurant to us because they had paid for the deluxe version of the tour which meant that they only had to share the same food between two rather than 5 or 6 and they would get one extra dish each meal. It did however mean that they were isolated and didn't get to talk to anyone else. After the lunch which wasn't very nice we were to go kayaking. They said that we could just leave our bags in the restaurant (which was full of people) but to take our cameras to take photos. We were given ordinary plastic shopping bags to put them in to protect them from the water. Luckily I had by waterproof travel pouch with me so I could put our purses and money in that. Mum asked the guide as we were getting into the kayaks, what would happen if one of us fell out of the kayak while we were in the middle of the bay and he just laughed. They didn't even ask if we had kayaked before. So the seven of us got into the kayaks and went across the bay to a small beach to swim. The guide didn't come with us and just told us to be back by 2.50 to go back to the boat. It wasn't easy kayaking with the current coming through and the large number of bigger boats and houses that were moored in the bay. We eventually made it across though we decided that it would be easier on the way back if I went in the back and kept us moving and Mum sat in the front and steered. There was only a tiny sliver of sand on the beach in the bay but it was enough to beach the kayaks and get out. The water here was also really warm and quite murky. While we were in the water the Brits in the group all got bitten by fish. I don't know if it was that they were whiter and therefore easier to see but not one of the three Aussies got bitten. After about 40 minutes we had to get out and kayak back across to get the bus back to the boat. On arrival, however, the guide informed us that we would be waiting about 30-45 minutes for the bus and that he had told us to come back early because he didn't want us to tire ourselves out kayaking too much. We did point out that sitting in the water at the beach was hardly tiring and we could have easily done it for another half an hour but he didn't care. So instead we got to sit on the steps of a hotel and wait for the bus.

Scott and Dani asked the guide when we were going to see Monkey Island as it was on their itinerary and were told that we weren't going to the island but that the island that we had been to swim on was called Monkey Beach so that was close. The previous day they had asked about monkeys and been shown a goat instead, leading to the running gag about monkey-goats.

The bus finally arrived and we piled on with our luggage and set off for the wharf again. We arrived at the wharf to find that our boat wasn't there but the guide insisted that we come along the wharf to a different boat. So we followed him and got onto this other boat. The guide didn't get on at all and started off down the pier waving goodbye. We asked what was going on and he told us that the other boat was coming and that we could sit on this boat and wait for a little while. He was going back into Cat Ba town for the night and would see us the next day. So it was just us and four Vietnamese crew who spoke virtually no english left on the boat. We were contemplating going swimming off the wharf when the boat suddenly pulled out and parked in the middle of the bay. So we couldn't get off, couldn't go swimming (there was no ladder or way of getting back onto the boat) and just had to sit and wait for our boat. There was also no electricity on the boat and no water so we couldn't even have a shower. We were disgustingly dirty and smelly because we had trekked all morning and then kayaked and swum in the afternoon. So we settled onto the top sundeck to wait for the boat. And wait we did. It slowly started to get dark and we decided that a cool drink would be nice. Alex went downstairs to find 5 warm cans of softdrink, no beer, no water, no food. Most of us had been consuming a fair bit of water during the afternoon and virtually none left. As the time went on we were becoming a bit concerned that they were going to be leaving us there all night, especially when one of the crew gave Mum a room key and some towels. Luckily, Keira had some water purification tablets in her luggage and we could get some water that way. We tried to ask the crew how long it would be until the other boat was going to come. It was hard enough to get there attention. The soccer is on here at the moment and they were all around the TV watching that and ignoring us. Mum had to stand in front of the TV just to get them to listen to her and even then they were ducking and weaving to try and watch what was going on. They told us that the boat would be there at 7.30 and that we would have dinner then. So we sat and waited some more in the dark on the top of the boat. 7.30 came and went and still we waited. We were starting to get more and more concerned that they were going to leave us all night without food. We started counting the snacks that we had hidden away in our bags and working out if we had enough to keep us going.

It didn't help that Alex was running a fever and feeling really unwell. When we asked if they would take us back to the wharf if he became worse, they told us that there was no captain on board and they couldn't. We weren't sure how they got us out into the middle of the bay without a captain but they wouldn't discuss that. Dani went down to go to the toilet and found the crew cooking food in the kitchen. When she came back and told us that a group went down to see if they were going to feed us too. The crew said that there wasn't any food and were very stuck for words when people marched into the kitchen and asked what the plate of fish was then. They definitely started to look worried when we demanded that they share it with us if the other boat didn't turn up. Shortly after that the captain arrived and he seemed to be able to get in contact with the other boat and we were given the revised arrival time of 8.30. And the boat did eventually arrive at 8.45, only four hours after we got on board to wait.

The people on the other boat weren't very happy either because they hadn't had dinner. We did point out that at least they had water and beer and they agreed that that was true. We did get dinner which was overcooked and not very nice at all (fatty meat, oily sauces, dry fish and no vegetables) but we were so hungry we just ate it anyway. We were then told that there was no room for us on that boat and that we were sleeping on the other boat for the night. The boat had been so over booked on the second day that it had left Halong City with 26 people on board. Fourteen had been dropped off to sleep at Cat Ba Town and five of us had to sleep on the other boat. So we trundled back across after dinner wanting showers and bed. Only to find that we still couldn't have a shower because there was no water coming out of the taps! We finally dragged one of the crew away from the soccer to come and fix it, and had a rinse under the trickle that came out. The rooms were horribly hot and there was no functioning airconditioning so we all decided to sleep upstairs on the sun deck. The crew did get a bit agitated when we started to carry mattresses out of the rooms and up the stairs so unfortunately we only had enough for three people to sleep on. The rest of us had to make do with pillows and wooden sun lounges. It was much much cooler up there, though. The guide came and told us to be up at 6 am if we wanted to see the sunrise and that breakfast would be at 8am.

We were woken by the increasing light at sunrise which was at about 5.15 am. You well and truly would have missed it had you got up at 6 am. It wasn't a particularly spectacular sunrise anyway and I went back to sleep. Unfortunately when you sleep on the sun deck, the sun does eventually become a problem and we woke again because we were too hot. So we went downstairs and packed because we had to be out of our rooms and onto the other boat straight after breakfast.

Breakfast was a fried egg that was a horrible grey colour in the middle and sliced white bread with jam. There was no juice and you could only have one tea or coffee without paying for it. The bread was like paper and I must have eaten 6 pieces without feeling any fuller. After breakfast we pissfarted around for a good hour before docking at the wharf to drop off the people who were going trekking and staying on the island. We then headed back to Halong City. On the way, we finally got them to agree to let us swim off the boat. We had been promised this by the tour agents and they had said that we could when we got on board but then were given every excuse under the sun as to why we couldn't. 'It's high tide'. 'It's too deep'. 'The police won't let anyone swim off the boats because a Korean man drowned even though he was a really good swimmer'. It just went on and on. They did let us have 20 minutes on the final morning. However, they docked the boat at a place where there were lots of boats around, the current was moving quite quickly away from our boat and the water wasn't particularly clean. They basically hadn't even changed course to let us swim so we were on the main route between Cat Ba and Halong City. We were given just 20 minutes before they started yelling that we had to come back aboard and keep going. We then motored on to get to Halong City to just stand in the sun and wait for over 30 minutes for the bus to pick us up. We could have had heaps longer in the water.

On the way back to Halong City, some Belgians who were on the tour started asking the guides questions about the trip and why they had not got what they had been promised. They were really annoyed as were most of us. As they pointed out we could have caught the ferry to Cat Ba for a lot less and have seen exactly the same stuff. The crew did the typical Vietnamese thing of shutting down and not answering your questions which really annoyed us more. They promised to take us to the Halong Heritage office in Halong City but of course that didn't happen either.

While we were standing in the heat waiting for the bus to pick us up, Keira and Rich were taken away and deposited on another bus with another group because they had realised when we got to the harbour that there wouldn't be enough room for us all on the one bus. We didn't see them again. Hopefully they got lunch and back to Hanoi okay. They really got a raw deal with the tour and they had paid the same amount as we had.

For lunch they drove us over the Japanese Friendship Bridge which they seemed to be very proud of to a restaurant. It wasn't anywhere fancy and just looked onto a normal street. It seemed a long way to drive to not have a view or anything so they must pay a good commission. After the boat though the food was really really good so we all tucked in. We then got bundled back onto the bus to drive back to Hanoi, again with the stop at the Handicraft Centre.

As much as I don't like Hanoi I was kind of glad to not be on the tour any longer. We did have a good time but that was because of the other people on the tour not because of the tour itself. I hate to think what it would have been like if we had been with a bad group. And it seems that even if you do ask all the right questions when you are booking the tour, you still can't guarantee what you are going to get. People in our group had asked about everything and still we didn't get what we were promised. It seems that Halong Bay is luck of the draw. You can book with one group one week and get a totally different trip to the day before. It's pretty and all but I don't know that I'd recommend going to people, not if you end up with a tour like ours.

We had dinner together and then Mum and I headed off to the airport to stay the night before our early flight the next day. We negotiated $10 for the taxi after being told that it would be $18 initially. We told the driver that we wanted the hotel not the departures but when we arrived he said that he didn't know where the hotel was. Mum went into the airport and found a woman from Vietnam airlines who told him and he then demanded an extra $4 to take us there. We said no and the woman from the airport laid into him in Vietnamese for even asking us. It seems if you want someone here to tell the taxi drivers off, it's a woman that you need. So he drove us less than 1km up the road to the hotel and we checked in. The hotel is okay for an airport hotel. The beds were comfy and the bathroom decent but like all airport hotels it wasn't cheap. It was worth it though to get another hour's sleep in the morning. We got up and caught the plane down to Da Nang and then the bus to Hue, where we now are (Thank God!). I'll write about it later, though.