From Bathhouse to Crackhouse

Looking surprisingly comfortable...
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We started off by settling into the Canadiana Hostel which is spread out over four converted buildings in Downtown Toronto.  We stayed at a private room in No. 56 which, according to a local by the name of Toothless Bill, had a history all of its own.  Apparently, before the place was refurbished just six months ago, the front of the building was adorned with a large capital 'B' above the front door - indicating the place was used as a gay bathhouse.  Bill explained to us that, when they went in to renovate the interior, there was everything but a bath inside it - there was a trapeze, some chains and even a slide - but alas no bath.  Some 35 years ago the Police raided the place and those who were arrested decided to protest about it and piff paff poof - Gay Pride was born.

Neil looks like he's enjoying himself just a little too much
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Appropriately enough we landed just in time for Gay Pride Weekend.  As well as the lengthy parade there were such delights as Clay Pride (maybe Patrick Swayze is a gay icon?), the Pink Turf Women's Soccer League and some sort of diving course that only women were allowed to go on (despite Kieren's best efforts).  So, we joined up with Neil (who'd flown in from Brum) and Sarah and Jen (Charlotte's friends from when she lived in Toronto six years ago) and headed up to College Street for the pre-Pride party.  The street had been closed to traffic to allow the muscle boys and trannies to preen, pout and prance around undeterred.  Our eardrums were assaulted by European dance music and (typically) the Y.M.C.A, to which one reveler, due to the effects of far too many ecstacy pills was actually managing to get the actions wrong!  The guy made Kieren look like an accomplished dancer.

Should know better at her age.
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It's fair to say that Toronto does innuendo pretty well.  Where else can you go and buy your groceries from the Happy Meat Market, pop over the road for a meal at M.Y Chafing Dish restaurant and wash down the meal with a glass of Homo Milk?  Visitors are also recommended to check out the Big Beaver Sale at the Roots store inside the Eaton Centre.

There's plenty to do in Toronto.  We saw the new Superman movie in 3D at the IMAX cinema (the plot was weak though) and spent a day at the Science Museum where, amongst other things, Kieren and Neil had a wheelchair race and Charlotte was artificially aged by 50 years (K: The results are not good).  Uncharacteristically we went to the musical version of Lord of the Rings.  We were upgraded from the (very) cheap seats locally referred to as the 'nosebleed section'  to far better seats and had a fantastic view of the £14 million set design.  It's not normally our sort of thing but we really enjoyed every minute of it.

Downtown
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One thing that we wouldn't recommend however is Major League Baseball.  'Action' that makes chess look fast paced coupled with more hype than a Don King boxing match resulted in 3 hours of boredom.  Seriously, for every substitution we had to endure a three minute intro of either rock or rap music (depending if the player was white or black respectively) and it takes absolutely ages to get someone out.  Once a player is finally 'out' they get another three goes later in the game!  Baseball is definitely for confirmed fans - not confused Limeys.

Sarah and Charlotte
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We took a day out to see the colossal Niagara Falls.  Not content with the view from above the falls we took a trip on the Maid of the Mist, a boat that sails into the mist created by the millions of gallons of water that constantly crash.  There's so much spray created that we were provided with waterproofs - and we still got soaked.  The town of Niagara itself has became a tacky tourist centre reminiscent of Blackpool without the smell of chips and puke.

To chill out we all headed onto Toronto Island - a huge park on Lake Ontario.  The girls (Charlotte, Sarah, Jen and Sarah's sister Ashlee) hired a 4 person bike and giggled around the island for an hour whilst Kieren and Neil sloped off to the bar.  They didn't get away with their sneaky beer as planned though beacuse, shortly later, the girls - clearly out of control from laughing too much - drove their bike straight into the bar Kieren and Neil were sat at!

How wrong could she be?
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For our second week we moved to the Central Hotel in Chinatown, Toronto.  We were drawn more by the cheap prices than the fake neon palm trees outside - honest!  The sign in the reception, presumably written by someone with limited knowledge of English promised us 'lots of surprise every day'.  They didn't lie.

Immediately after paying our deposit another guest stormed through the small reception area and asked "You know this place is a crackhouse, right?".  He was moving too quickly for us to ask any questions and, after all, the hotel was clean and quiet (at the time) so we decided to stick it out.  With the benefit of hindsight we would've followed him straight out the door.

'Lots of surprise every day'
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After our day out at Niagara we returned only to be accompanied upstairs by three armed policemen.  They weren't letting on what they were up to but we did hear them threaten to kick someone's door down.  We didn't hang around for too long after then so we'll never know what was going on.  One thing that didn't require further explanation however were the anxious cries of pain we heard the following night. We'll just say that they would've been more at home at a Bathhouse than a crackhouse!  Plenty of other... odd... things happened at the Central Hotel - most of them insignificant - some unprintable.  But, when all things are said and done we're both safe and completely in tact which is all that counts at the end of the day.

Pfft.
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One of the main advantages of staying at the Central Hotel (apart from there being an abundance of crack cocaine available) was that, being located in the middle of Chinatown we were surrounded by cheap grocery stores and bakeries, fantastic Chinese restaurants and a shopping centre that showed all the World Cup matches on a huge TV screen (that, on one occasion, Kieren helped fix with a pen knife).  Despite neither Canada nor China making the finals the TV area was always packed with Chinese Canadians transfixed on whatever game was on at the time.  For the Portugal match (K:  I've still not quite got over it) Kieren was surrounded by over 50 locals - it's fair to say he was the only England fan in the audience.  The pub opened in time for the second half so we dashed over to an 'English Pub' (that didn't serve any English beers) for some homely drunken rowdiness.  And that's all we can bare to say about the matter.

Niagara Falls
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We've loved being in Toronto.  Not just because our mates (Neil, Sarah, Ashlee and Jen) were there but also because there's always been stacks to do.  The people are so friendly (do we always say that?) that they go out of their way to help you (often without being asked) and despite the antics at the Central Hotel the city is remarkably safe and crime free.  We couldn't recommend it enough.

Next stop:  A few days in Jasper National Park followed by a train ride through the Rocky Mountains to get to Vancouver on the west coast of Canada.