3 day, 2 night jungle trek

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Not knowing what we really booked in Bangkok, we set off for our three day elephant and jungle safari, just west of Chiang Mai. Our first stop was with the elephants where we rode on the top of (thankfully not the bottom of) of the pachyderm for approximately one hour.  We had a cranky elephant that always wanted treats in the form of sugar cane and bananas.  Her long muscular trunk always went up top where we were sitting, then blew enormous amounts of hot air and snot until the treat was given.  If we didn't place a treat in the orifice of her trunk, the elephant would stop until fed.  We rode the elephant back into camp and happily watched some terrified Korean guys boarding their beast, crying like little girls with every step that their elephant took.

Anne and I journeyed further into the jungle by truck and eventually the topography changed to large hills with overgrown shrub and vines.  We met up with our tour guide that would lead us deeper into the forest by foot.  Sammy was all smiles when he met us and smelled of booze beyond belief.  He readily admitted that he had been drinking rice whiskey the night  before and was continuing to do so now as they were celebrating the new year.  Our 4 person group combined with another group, who also had a guide that was half blitzed, and started our way into the hills.  We stopped at a remote rest area approximately 1 hour into our hike.  This was to rehydrate and play with sling shots and bamboo spitball shooters which make the american version quite tame.  Our guide kept shooting the other guide in the butt and groin with the rocket-speed spitball, leaving him yelping in pain.  The guide that was on the receiving end kept saying, "oh my Buddha!" instead of "oh my god" when he winced in pain.  Eventually we set foot again, and after three hours of an uphill hike, we arrived at the village and met the Karen tribe that we would be staying with.

In Thailand, there are three different Karen tribes.  You have the one we stayed with, the White-Karen, you also have the Red and Long Neck Karen tribes.  Both the white and red are of Tibetan decent while the longneck tribes are from Burma.  It sounded like all of these tribes had escaped some military or political turmoil at some point and sought refuge in Thailand.

The village that we came into, and would be spending the night, was in basic poverty.  Men and women over the age of thirty were generally toothless, and if they did posses anything to chew with, it usually came in the variety of black, brown, and wore down nubs that were ready to fall out.  Lines on their faces showed a difficult life in the best of circumstances, and it was a rarity to see someone over the age of fifty.  The tribe relied on livestock, which was abundantly apparent, to support themselves.  Pigs, chickens, and cows essentially roamed free through the village (some of the large livestock was tied up), oinking, clucking, and mooing whenever approached.  Electricity was something that had not yet been invented and the toilet situation  confirmed my every nightmare--squat toilets.  One of the Irish women that traveled with us went into the bathroom, came back out, and quietly said to me, "it is so unhygienic".   One of the eldest tribe members led us to our sleeping quarters which consisted of a hut on four foot stilts.  The area below the hut was where the livestock was kept and also served as a keep-the-tourist-up-all -night function.  More on that in a minute.  Dinner was prepared over a grey and smokey open fire inside the hut (not sure how the fire didn't burn through the floor and fall to the ground below) and was served at 7 pm.  Although we have had more rice and noodles during the last two weeks to fill us for a lifetime, it was actually quite good.  I gulped down two large bowls of curry along with four moderately cooled Chang beers and felt pretty good after the long  day's hike.  The night soon came and would serve as the highlight of this journey.

Over a not-so-roaring fire, the children of the village came out and sang to us in their bright and colorful clothing.  The adults, most of which were pretty well inebriated, staggered around the outside perimeter of the group and smiled at us in genuine happiness with their children singing and clapping away.  We were quickly told again that heavy drinking was for the celebration of the new year, but I have my sneaking suspicion that this may be a more common occurrence than what we were told.  Some of the female children that were from 12-14 years of age wore white garments to represent that they were not yet married.  Most were married by fifteen, which did not come to much surprise as the life expectancy must be half that of the US.  The singing soon came to conclusion and Pipka and I retired to our bed.

Here is a comprehensive list as to why we did not sleep that night: it was extremely cold and we had few blankets, the Korean guys were snoring (not sure how they fell asleep, but I did see them drinking C1 Whiskey), the tribesman were up all night drinking and grumbling around the campfire, there was a large pig below us snorting and grunting at periodic intervals, the village roosters cock-a-doodle-dood 9,312 times (starting at 3:12 am), the village women hawked loogies on three separate occurrences, and finally, there was a rat rummaging through the grainbin that was adjacent to our sleeping quarters.   It was a tough night that produced about 28 seconds of sleep.  The board deprived walls certainly didn't help keep out the noise, but I can assure you that I vow to eat more chicken in the near future. 

The morning sunlight came in we climbed out of bed.  Anne and I agreed that we would forgo our final night at the second village jungle camp, feeling that we had enough culture for some time to come.  This wasn't a bad experience, just a bit rustic.  Also, I did gain something extremely valuable from this two day journey.  I have added another option for employment when we are done traveling.  Want to know what it is?  I would like to be a slaughterhouse chicken executioner.  Matter of fact, I'll do the roosters for free.

bkh