A long day in Disneyland

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I think I am too satirical (if that is the right word) for Disneyland.  I am not able to switch my brain off, turn into a moron and enjoy the delights of queuing for 30 minutes to go round on a 6 foot electric car that has a pre-defined track so you cant crash. 

Sorry Disneyland, sorry Americans, I mean no offence.  When we enter Disneyland its the strangest place in the world.  I think the sight is compounded by the fact that we have been in Fiji and New Zealand, maybe if we were coming straight from the UK it would have been easier to take in.

Everything looks very very weird.  Its like a big candy shop for adults and kids.  It's all make-believe.  Strange fire-engines with big fat red conductors driving people about and laughing at key moments.  Trains which actually go "choo choo", nothing like the marvellous Kingston Flyer in New Zealand.  Dinosaurs (Im sure Matthew thought they were real) eating grass and drinking water. 

People are frantically walking, almost running, we are not sure where.  We have no map of the place as they never gave us one when we bought the tickets.  I mention lets follow the people, but then soon realise that they are all off in different directions so no real point.  There are strollers (pushchairs) everywhere.  Because it is Wednesday I think that this is the pre-school market that is here. There are many older kids but the under 5's definitely is in the majority.  There are also adults walking around without kids - if I had come here without kids I think I would have shot myself in the head after 10 minutes!

It strikes me that lots of people here have children that are too young to really enjoy Disneyland.  Us included.  Its like we have waited until the bare minimum age for our kids to understand then dragged them along as quickly as possible to this strange world.  Steve is enjoying it I think, he likes this type of thing much more than me.  I am more at home wandering a beach (or a mall!). 

We get a map off some strange looking chap.  I open it, then close it again.  There is too much information to process.  Where do you start?  We have no idea about Disneyland, no idea about the parts to visit, the best rides.  So we just wander along.

Our minds impression of Disneyland is not like the reality. I expected there to be lots of dancing, and it to be much bigger I suppose. It is big so not sure what I expected really, I just expected it to be bigger.  The rides dont seem as big as I thought.  The music playing as you enter seems a bit peculiar, though it is quite cheery.  After a while you forget it is there (Im not even sure if it was there...).

We find a rocket ride.  The nice thing about this place is that many of the rides can be enjoyed by kids of all ages.  The bigger rides have a hight restriction of 40 inches - 102 cm.  Matthew is just below this, so misses out.  I dont think that is a bad thing as they seem a bit fast for him anyhow.

He loves the rocket.  In fairness to Disney this isnt something you could do every day.  Matthew wants to go again, and gets a bit annoyed at being dragged off.  He soon works out the routine though, that there are more rides about.  We go on some Toy Story adventure ride, where you have to shoot various things.  Matthew has no idea about guns, Steve is in his element having a go. 

Lloyd doesnt want to feed in Disneyland, too much going on.  This causes us big problems in the evening, as Lloyd is really tired and hungry.  He gets bad wind from eating so much, and just seems to have a headache that evening.  Takes ages to get him to sleep, and involved a lot of crying. Poor little Lloyd - think he had too much information to process.

As we are sitting there in Disneyland Buzz Lightyear walks past.  Think thats his name - big guy looks a bit like a spaceman.  The woman sitting next to me practically has a fit "look, look <boys name>, buzz is over there, look look", and drags her 3 year old boy by one arm across to Buzz as quick as she can run! I think the parents are more obsessed about seeing the characters than the kids.  The kids all look a bit scared of these big monsters that are only 2 inches big on their widescreen tv.

We soon join the mould though, deciding that an autograph book is the way to go.  We buy one then realise we will have to do quite a bit of searching to find some characters (Buzz has buzzed off by this point).  The book contains many pages, it could take us 3 days just to fill it.  The book goes under the pram and is forgotton.  12 dollars though - not bad price really for disney.

More rides, and by this point Im a bit bored.  I dont like standing in queues and find the rides, well dull.  Im not really a fairground type, it just doesnt interest me.  And I dont really watch tv or films much, so many of the themes are a bit lost on me.  I dont have a major desire to see a Pirate from the Caribbean play with his sword, or watch Luke Skywalker defy some guy dressed in a black suit.  Again Steve enjoys this though, and I wonder whether our marriage will survive the trip...

The best part of the day was entering Winnie the Pooh land.  This was because it was the only character Matthew really understood.  The ride was good for him, though slightly fast and a little scary.  Matthew really needs to go on these rides about 20 times to take it all in and clear it from his system.  Unfortunately they throw you off after one and then you have to queue another 20 minutes to go again.  We should have bought "fast passes", these allow you to queue jump (tickets for the rich!).  We had these in Universal a few years back and they are great, though I ethically had an issue with them at the time and often used to hide mine and queue along with the rest of the people (much to Steve's dismay).  This time we have a California pass which allows us entry into lots of places for one price, so couldnt get the pass. In retrospect I should have bought fast passes instead as queuing with the kids is no fun.

Matthew spots Tigger - well Dad does and screams like the woman earlier in the day for us to go over.  We queue patiently with our camera in hand and autograph book at the ready.  One before our turn the people in front ask us to take the picture.  Disaster strikes.  Im now juggling Matthew, my camera, an autograph book and pen, and trying to take a photo of some fat americans with their disposable camera.  Matthew launches the autograph book at Tigger, then goes "hug, hug" and doesnt look too happy at this man in a suit.  Steve tries to rescue the situation, but doesnt really help as Lloyd is on his front.  Tigger cant hold the book or the pen, we have to have some Disney worker help us understand how to do it.  Matthew is scared, we get no photo and walk away forlorned!  It sounds quite funny now, but at the time was very stressful.  Steve is moaning at me for not getting a picture and insists we re-queue.  I begin to feel like an american.

Matthew likes waving and saying "hello" to the characters from a distance, but isnt so happy to stand next to them.  He doesnt really understand the rhetoric, so this flusters him.  When we stand in line for Pooh he twice tries to run up with the autograph book, unfortunately both times there are other people there trying to take photos and not appreciating this little 2 year old kid in their family album.  When we do reach the front he says "hug hug" and doesnt want to see Pooh!  You cant really win.  We end up having to give the camera to the Disney rep to take a pic.

Eeyore is a similiar story, here Matthew and Lloyd are both held by Dad.  Not sure why Steve thought it necessary to take Lloyd out of the carrier, but  decide to let him have his way.

I think Steve thinks Lloyd is older than he is, and that Lloyd has some comprehension of what is going on.  Of course I realise Lloyd has absolutely no idea, and although interested would just as happily be in the hotel room feeding away.  Steve does insist Lloyd goes on a lot of rides though, I think he is using him as an excuse for himself to go on the rides!  In fact Steve goes on a lot of rides on his own come to think of it....

Quite a few of the attractions are closed we notice.  It does affect the day as you wander to a ride, find it is closed, then wonder where to go next.  You find another, that is closed, or too big for Matthew, and you wander around again.  I think they should mark on the maps which ones are closed so you dont waste time.  Better still they should open them.  We also discover that the fireworks only happen at weekends.  This is a disapointment as we leave here on Friday.  There seems to be a general lack of information about Disney, I think they like it like this as gives them maximum flexibility, but in the UK we are used to things being described in more detail.  The rides also just have the name next to them, so we have no idea what they are about until we go on them.  More info for english people please Disney!!!

I should mention lunch.  I think all of the restaurants in the park served junk food, and only junk food.  Outside the park it was a similiar story, with a healthy type of place being one of those grill restaurants or pizza.  We struggled to find somewhere for lunch, wandering around the New Orleans area for some time.  We eventually find somewhere that is selling more than burgers and go in.  The food is appalling.  I order a salmon sandwich and try to get without the bbq sauce.  Not possible.  So this nice piece of salmon is completely ruined by the ton of bbq sauce they throw on top of it.  I scrape it all off, but its not the same.  They also give me 4 portions of butter to saturate the roll (that is already saturated in sauce).  I pass on the butter.  Steve's is not much better, bbq baked beans, and butter soaked corn.  I think people in this restaurant think they are eating healthily (and they are compared to other restaurants), but all the sauces and sides just make it highly calorific.  Everyone seems to be drinking soda (coke/sprite).  I ask for whole fat milk for food-deprived Matthew, but they only have reduced fat or really reduced fat milk!!  You would think with all these kids about they would have the right milk for them (or maybe this is the right milk for americans).

The strollers are interesting, we both notice that they have cup carriers all over them. 1 or 2 on the front and 2 in the back. I dont think you get this in the UK so much.  People seem to have a lot of drinks all the time, when walking around.  There are a few mothers breastfeeding I am pleased to see, though no facilities in the park for breastfeeding in private.  People stare at me when I breastfeed Lloyd, quite openly.  I just stare back at them, they soon get the message.

We even find a little farm.  The animals (goats, sheep, donkeys, etc) seem relatively calm considering the environment they are in.  There are signs to wash your hands upon leaving the enclosures, personally I think people should be made to wash their hands before entering!  I take Matthew in the goat/sheep enclosure, as he has been a bit reluctant on this journey to get too close to animals, so want to see if this has changed.  He is quite good with them, watching with interest.  Doesnt want to stroke them though - that is a step too far.  Another woman in there, japenese I think, makes me laugh.  Her girl is looking at the little goats where we are looking.  But this woman (her mum), says "no, no, come and look at the big one, not that one).  The big one is actually a sheep - not sure if she realised this...She then drags her away screaming towards this poor sheep for a stroke.  I would say the animals would be better off on a farm, though I suspect the sheep would have had a much shorter life there, so maybe this is good for it. I'm not sure.

We look for sanctuary around the park, as it is too noisy for us.  We find it briefly near some restrooms by a closed exhibit alongside some water.  There are still 20 or so people about, but it is marginally more pleasant.  We are really really missing Fiji, we talk of it constantly.  In fact the evening before we even contemplated getting back on a plane and going back out there.  Steve says he would swap 4 months in America for another week in Fiji, and I am in agreement with him.  Matthew keeps talking of fish and helicoptors and beaches, and keeps saying Bula.  Everyone ignores Matthew, even the parents of other kids.  It must be a bit of shock for him, as even in New Zealand people used to talk to him.  Parents here are just interested in their own kids, sod anyone else's.  They have a "dog eat dog" attitude I think.

We also have language barrier issues.  People dont understand me, even though I tell them its the same language.  We have to say everything very slowly and repeat 3 times.  Its a bit annoying but you get used to it.  I think they think we are american, then when we open our mouths they are shocked we are aliens.  It was interesting the other day when we picked up the car, the woman asked if we wanted to hire gps, I told her we had bought it with us, and she said "oh you get Tom Tom" over there.  Like england is some backward country that has just got electricity. 

We leave at 4.30pm, after about 6 hours in the park.  We are all absolutely knackered.  To the point where it is hard to walk.  The parade is at 7pm, we aim to return for that.  Matthew falls asleep in the pram.  When we get back to the hotel room Lloyd starts crying, as I mentioned earlier he was not in a good mood that evening.

When Matthew wakes up he too is really miserable. We go for tea downstairs in the twirly straw bar, luckily Lloyd sleeps for a bit to allow us to eat.  Matthew doesnt eat much, the food is not to his taste.

I long for getting the motorhome so we can cook again.  We remark that we wouldnt have been able to use a car and hotel it, as the food is too appalling.  Matthew would end up ill, or maybe even start enjoying the junk.  We yearn for the delights of the Dukes Head in Billericay, or the 3 course meal A-la-Carte on Vomo. I also notice that if you order a salad they seem to give you a whole lettuce.  They chop it up of course, but it does seem to be very very large portion.  I think this because they think it is less calories so you need more.  But these people eating the salad are mistaken if they think it is healthy.  They give you 2 large tubs of ranch dressing or similiar, probably making it as calorific as a burger.  And also throw on loads of bacon bits and cheese just to make sure you get those calories in.  No wonder the parents and kids are so fat - they dont really stand a chance.  There are stalls (like market stalls) selling healthier food such as apples and watermelon, but at $1.75 an apple is easy to see why people head for the large portion, cheap meals of the restaurants.

I wonder how successful a healthy food shop would be out here in Disneyland.  I hope somebody gives it a go someday.  I feel sorry for the Americans, this food is appalling, and killing them.

Oh, and we dont make the parade, maybe tomorrow...